Bad Nights...Bad days... need to vent

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badgenetics1
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 146
   Posted 4/9/2008 3:41 PM (GMT -7)   
confused  
 
Hi all,
 
Just need to vent.  I was doing well on Lexapro for a while, sleeping well, no side effects.  But it seems not to be lasting :(  I am back to having night sweats and crazy dreams and feeling exausted and sick during the day.  I at this moment feel like I don't even care if I wake up in the morning, except that I look at my darn dog and think I can't leave her.
 
I have taken 2.5 mgs of Klonopin today...which I am supposed to be weaning off of, not because I feel panicky, but because I feel like I might break down and cry and I have to make it through work at least masqurading as a normal individivdual.  Every one thinks I am totally normal, even strong. But what happens when the strong need to be weak. 
 
I ramble, my employer is really big on blood drives...I can't give blood because of the medication I am taking, and I feel it is no ones buisness.  I wish I could let them know to stop pressuring me without blurting out "I am on a ton of medication because apparently I am crazy, believe it or not!"
 
I am tired of faking it, in the past when I felt like crap I just put on a happy face and acted like everyone expected me to act, even though inside I felt like I had died and was just puppeteering.  That time is over, if everyone else can be moody, so can I.  When I feel like crap, I will feel like crap.
 
Anyway, thanks for reading, I know...I know...go see my Dr.  I will.  She will just give me another sleep med, althought I am running out of ones to try, and they all make me feel bad, Klonopin is the only thing that has worked and it sure don't work like it used to.  She will also say to raise the Lex, already done, 20mgs, highest dose.  For someone in the past that could barely tolerate an asprin I sure can handle massive amounts of drugs these days.
 
I am going to take some Amitriptilyne tonight, I have has some success with it in the past...but I thought I was "past" this.  Why can't things be good forever? 

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 4/9/2008 3:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Awww, bad genetics, I'm sorry you are going through this again.  A good nights sleep is so important. (I know because I'm not sleeping well and have the shales today) I'm glad your Dog is looking after you (they give you that guilty look out of love, honest!!)
 
Your boss doesn't seem to sympathetic to you if he keeps pressuring you.  Maybe you could just say "I have a medical condition" (the whole thing about maybe being crazy might freak em out!! But I know what you mean :-).  They should respect that.
 
I have to skip off to work now myself and pretend my hands aren't shaking (not having the best morning myself)..I hope your day improves, I've never heard of the med you are taking tonight but I hope it gives you many hours of peaceful sleep.  Stay well my friend.
Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Weekend Warrior Princess


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 4/9/2008 4:12 PM (GMT -7)   

Bad genetics,

 

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with such an awful time right now.  You're right to be paying attention to what you need - different medication, colleagues off your back, and all the rest.  Take time to take care of yourself.  If anyone tries to pester or pressure you, you don't owe them an explanation.  However, if it makes it easier to stop them by providing one, a simple and firm "I'm having some health issues right now, and I'd rather not discuss it.  Thanks for caring, though." should do it.  Folks may be taken aback some if that's not your usual reaction, but they ought to get the message and give you some space.

 

We'll all be sending positive thoughts your way.  I hope you get some relief and much-needed rest soon.

 

percycat


Cosmo girl
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 4/9/2008 5:06 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry for the way you are feeling! I feel the same way. I am a full time student and no one there would ever think I was going through the things I go through. I feel bad just about everyday but I too put on a happy face and hope I will feel better. I don't so much have a hard time sleeping anymore but I just all around don't feel myself. I guess I have bad genes too!

badgenetics1
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 146
   Posted 4/10/2008 4:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your Kind replies :) I am feeling better, got a good nights sleep last night. Its just so hard when you feel good to feel it slip away from you. It makes me all the more hopless.

K

wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/10/2008 7:02 AM (GMT -7)   
It's amazing what a good nights sleep will do for us.  I'm glad that your dog is keeping you going, sometimes we just need that one thing to help us through each day.  Doing anything different just isn't the way to go, I know - I've been there too.  I'm also happy that you will be contacting your doctor about the issues you are having.  Make sure to explain to the doc about all that you are currently experiencing - maybe you need to wean off the Lexapro and try another med.  Just a thought, you and your doc are the best ones to make that decision.  Just make sure to ask lots of questions regarding any new treatment/meds the doctor suggests, it's the only way you can make a good decision for yourself.  There are times that we build a tolerance to the meds we are on and we need to try something different; maybe this is the case for you.
 
Please keep posting to let us know how you make out.  We are here for you and will support you.
 
Take care,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.

Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”

Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/10/2008 7:35 AM (GMT -7)   

badgenetics1

Good Morning and I am glad you slept well last night.  I do not know what kind of job you have or if your union or what kind of short term or long term disability insurance you have but you remind me of myself.  For 26 years I played the carefree, happy person on the outside when on the inside I was full of anxiety and depressed.  I took meds too but in the end I had a major meltdown and to save face took early retirement.

Think of taking a couple of weeks off or talking with your physician to see what her/she thinks.  Of course you cannot leave your dog...............it is your bestfriend. Mine have always been.  they let you cry all over them and sit perfectly still as they know you need them.  They don't talk back either. Sometimes we just need some down time.

Also I finally told my friends and co-workers that I had depression, they laughed at first as they thought, yeah right, you?  It is not something you have to be ashamed of.  It is hard to tell people but the truth gets rid of the moments of having to come up with stories on why you cannot donate blood.

I have walked in your shoes my friend.  Take my hand, I will stand beside you.

Hugs
Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


badgenetics1
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 146
   Posted 4/10/2008 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks So Much Kitt :)

I don't think I need to take disability because most of the time now I am doing quite well, much better that I was 6 months ago.  Its just I still have bad nights, I think its more than just being tired from not sleeping, it causes, or is a symptom of, SEVERE DEPRESSION and very bad emotional instability,  But when I have bad days I just can't seem to handle them now.  Because I EXPECT to feel good, sleep good etc.  It seems like these symptoms come from out of nowhere, I guess thats why so many of us think we have a medical condition.

My job is very important to me and staying at home would probably be the worst thing.  I am very lucky in the sense that I work more or less on my own schedual,  so If I can't make it I will not.  I have gone home just to take a nap on some days and it has helped tremedously.

I am not faking it anymore, everyone else has mood swings and bad days so I can too.  It just feels weird because it is not in my nature to be negative or moody. But I hae decided its worse to feel like a puppet. 

Today I feel 100% better, I don't know if its because I pumped my blood full of Klonopin yesterday and slept decent or I am just on a rollercoaster. Sigh...I just want to maintain feeling good...I know you all know how that feels like.

Again, Thanks for listening.  And yes my dog (and my rotten cat:)) are the most prescious things in the world to me, it amazes me their capacity for affection. I remember several times laying on my back either with a bad migraine or crying because I did not know what the hell was wrong with me, and my dog just planted her paws across my body and stood there, licking my face every few minuites, and she never moved until I did.

K

 

 

 


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 4/10/2008 2:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Bad Genetics, it really touched me when you wrote:
 
Its just so hard when you feel good to feel it slip away from you. It makes me all the more hopless.
I often feel like that..it's really debilitating isn't it? I can take the anxiety, I just can't stand the ups and downs and feelings of going crazy, or being a "puppet" as you put it.  That stinks!
 
I hope this period of feeling good lasts for you, and give your wonderful dog and cat a scratch from me..pets are so precious (although my cat decided 4.30am was awke-up time today so I'm feeling a little less than blessed).
 
Keep us posted on how you are going, and have lovely weekend :-)

 
Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 4/10/2008 7:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Bad Genetics,

That's good news that you're feeling so much better today. I sure hope it does stick around for you.

That's so sweet of your pets to comfort you that way. Even though they can't understand your thoughts and concerns, they certainly recognize your emotions and want to help in any way they can.

percycat

wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/11/2008 5:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Badgenetics,
 
I'm just checking in with you to see how you are doing today and hope that today will be a better day for you.
 
I love that your dog is so loyal to you and provides that emotional uplifting that you need.  I've always been amazed at how they know just when you need them the most.  My dogs have been my lifeline at times during both my physical and emotional illnesses; they've been by my side and won't move, even when they re in my way.  I just love them and wouldn't know what to do without them.
 
I'm glad that your job is so flexible, that's great because when you need to take some time for yourself you can do that.  As far as giving blood at work, you can just simply tell them that as much as you would like to help by giving blood, you can't because you have a medical condition that prevents you from giving blood.  You don't have to get into any details because that's a sufficient enough explanation, the rest just isn't any of their business.  That short explanation should be enough to get them to back off this issue.  Although it's a great cause not everyone is able to do it (myself included, I'm on too many meds that could cause problems).
 
Please keep posting and we will continue to help you through this, that's what we are here for!
 
Take care,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.

Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”

Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr


badgenetics1
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 146
   Posted 4/11/2008 8:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Wen!

Doing much better today. Amitripilyne helps me sleep, so I have been taking 10mgs per night and have increased the Lex to 20mgs at night. The Dr. had me switch to taking it in the AM for a while and I just felt pretty bad all day, so I am back to taking it at night and it seems to be helping. I just hope I am not taking too much meds! I see Dr. on the 30th, we will see what she says.

What a rollercoaster!!

Thanks for your care on concern, I hope you are also well! :)

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/11/2008 8:47 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning Sleepy Head,
Glad to hear you got a good nights sleep.  It makes a world of difference if we sleep well on how we feel the next day. 

I am so glad to hear your using your med as prescribed.  You are making progress and I am so happy for you. 

Please keep posting to us and let us help you, no problem is so big that we can't give you support and remember you are family here.

Hugs

KItt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/12/2008 9:54 AM (GMT -7)   

You're welcome - we truly care about you here at HW and want to know how you are doing.  I'm glad the Amitriptlyn is working for you and you are sleeping well; getting a good nights sleep really is half the battle at feeling better the next day. 

Keep posting and we'll continue to help.  Glad you uare doing better! 

Take care,

Wen


Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.

Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”

Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr


FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 4/12/2008 8:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Just wanted to add that the most common reason people can't give blood is because they are anemic. I don't know how you feel about lying but a quick and easy answer is just "I cant, I'm anemic, they never let me..."
26 Year old married female law student.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid.  For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn.  I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13.  I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium.  Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I alos take a birth control pill to allow some fun in my life.
 
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/12/2008 10:19 PM (GMT -7)   

You are welcome to use my excuse, I faint at the site of my blood being pumped out of my arm.......................and I am a nurse.

I also take meds, lots of meds.

((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))
Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


badgenetics1
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 146
   Posted 4/13/2008 2:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks all. I think I will just tell the next person who askes me to give blood that they are vampires and its none of their buisness what i decide to do with my hemoglobin! :)

I just think its rude and intrusive...I mean what if someone was HIV or Hep B positive? Should they be forced to disclose that to their co-workers? People sometimes just have no respect for boundries.

percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 4/13/2008 3:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Bad genetics,

Hear, hear! I'm in a profession where my boundaries are pushed on a lot, and I tell you, it takes an awful lot out of me trying to hold back the onslaught most days.

Up with boundaries!

percycat
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