It's hard trying to please everyone, so you need to realize, you can't make everyone happy. You need to focus on what makes you happy too. now as far as the new wife and your kids, I am in the situation, but I am the new wife. I don't have kids and I will tell you, when my boyfriend and I went to couples therapy, they told us being the step parent is the hardest job - we make the sacrifices to be in the relationship but our opinions tend not to matter cause we aren't the parent. So I suggest to really see what the problems are between your kids / new wife are and try not to view it as picking sides, but making the best decision. I am sure there are times your kids are in the wrong and I'm sure there are times your wife is being unreasonable. You'll have to learn to know the difference. I dont know your friend or why they think he is a user, but all people need friends. You can't be with your family day in and day out and never have a break. It is unhealthy and unrealistic. You need to balance. Pick one day each week or month and make it about spending time w/ friends. If you give up all your friends and one day you need one of them to help you out, they may not be around for you.
This is Kitt and I am sorry your going through this. It seems like everyone wants you to pick sides and that is very difficult.
I think with your wife and children if they can talk it out and it is reasonable then if you can stay out of the middle and not let them manipulate you into thier discussion that is the best way to go. They must have their own relationship and you are not the referee.
As far as your friend, if he cannot understand your life has changed and so has his role then he is not a devoted friend. He also needs not to give unsolicited advice to you. If the two of you can get together great but you should not feel guilty for any reason. You are living your life and he is his.
Remember to be assertive and know your boundaries. :)
Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders
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I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.
Please seek professional advice from your doctor.
Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea
Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium
“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”
Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr
I am sorry about your best friend and I would say you are best off at this point at letting go of that and moving on with your family and other friends.
My own children have asked for some loans and I do not have the money and I have told them if they needed money for a true emergency I would sell everything I own but to buy a new car or motorcycle..............nope.
I am with Lyn in staying out of financial deals with friends.
I hope your day is well.
I am so sorry about your friend. It sounds to me as though *he's* the one who let go of the friendship already, if he could treat you that way. It's really painful, but you deserve better.
I'm with you about hating conflict. No advice for you there, but plenty of commiseration. It makes me nervous and uncomfortable just being in the room when others are fighting, even when it's nothing to do with me.