Need advice on major life change

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anxietyridden
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 171
   Posted 4/13/2008 1:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey all,

So one of my major goals in life has been to go to graduate school for book publishing/editing. I have grown up in upstate NY, and never really ventured outside of my "comfort zone" here. I went to undergrad at a local college and now live only about 15 minutes from where I grew up. The only programs for publishing are in big cities -- NYC and Boston. I REALLY want to go for it and get that job I have been dreaming about. I have been working on my anxiety A LOT over the past months, I finally buckled down and said I'VE GOT TO BEAT THIS. I have been taking Paxil and going through EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) therapy. I've done lots of CBT in the past. Things have been getting better, I've been able to go out a lot more and I've been much more comfortable at work and everything. Best of all I haven't had a big panic attack in a couple of months (know on wood hahaha).

I applied to grad schools and just found out I got into a school in NYC! I really want to go so badly, but at the same time I am terrified! Like I said, I've never really ventured off on my own, mainly due to my anxiety, not because I have no desire to. My parents (who really don't understand the anxiety thing and have always been very critical of me) are telling me that I'll never make it there, I'll never survive. I don't want to believe that. I want to think that I can go after my dream, but at the same time I'm so afraid that once I get there I will be completely overwhelmed and have to return home feeling like a failure. It would be such a huge change for me. Going back to school, starting a new job and trying to make friends in a new city. I would at least be moving in with a friend who already lives down there, which is reassuring but...of course I am still scared!

Has anybody else with anxiety made a big life change like this? Is there anyone who can give me some advice? I don't know if I should just forget it and accept that I am limited because of my anxiety...or just give it a try and hope it works out!

LoStAnDfOuNd
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 34
   Posted 4/13/2008 2:00 PM (GMT -7)   
maybe you could start out visiting there to get yourself comfortable with it.

wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/13/2008 2:47 PM (GMT -7)   
CONGRATULATIONS on your acceptance to NYC!!  That's wonderful.  I have a feeling that although you will be anxious, you will do great there. 
 
I am saddened that your parents aren't more supportive of your being able to attend the school.  It's a shame really; I wish they would be encouraging you instead of shooting you down.  But you also have to remember that those who do not suffer from anxiety and panic don't understand what it's like to deal with this.  Trust your own instincts and follow your heart.
 
Even if you do go for it and should get to a point that you absolutely cannot stay there, you can feel very proud of yourself for trying.  No matter what ANYONE says, including your parents, be proud of trying - that's what matters.  Do you take any meds for the anxiety?  If not, that may be helpful to you - just something to consider.
 
As LostandFound suggested, maybe make a couple of trips to the school to get familiarized with it - hopefully that will make you more comfortable.  I thinks it's also great that you will be moving in with a friend, at least that way you will have one friendly face to start off with.
 
I recommend that you follow your heart and do what you think is best for you - make this decision without the influence of your parents effecting that decision.  If you decide not go right now that's okay too - do what's best for you, not others.  No matter what you decide, remember that the Healing Well family will be here to support you.
 
Keep posting to let us know how you are doing and what you decide.  We are here for you.
 
Take care,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.

Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”

Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/13/2008 3:27 PM (GMT -7)   

I agree with Wen, Congratulations on your exceptance..............your on your way.

Throw away all the negative talk about how you won't make it and think positive. Do not let others tell you what you can and cannot accomplish.  Reach for the stars.

Learn to take it one day at a time. Instead of worrying about how you will get through the rest of the week or coming month, or your move to NYC  try to focus on today. Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems. Focus on the present and stop trying to predict what may happen next week. Next week will take care of itself.  It will all come togehter for you much smoother in small doses.

Instead of focusing on doom, stay in the moment. Give yourself breathing space. Consider what matters to you. Establish a few manageable goals, then take small steps toward achieving them.

You can do this, just let it happen.  I wish you peace and happiness.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


peacesoul
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 4/13/2008 4:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Congrats

Ok, ask yourself this, what is scarier, the fear of going out of your comfort zone or the fear of living with the regret of never going.
Which one would feel worse?!

Fear and anxiety are the major block in progression with many people. I know I never took chances and I regret it to this day, and I am 41 yrs old.

GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong in the broken places
 


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 4/13/2008 5:09 PM (GMT -7)   

Congratulations!  What wonderful news that you've been accepted!

 

I agree with others who've said this is your decision to make.  It's nerve-wracking, wondering whether you can do something so new, but you're the best judge of that, not your parents, nor us here on the forum.  Going for a visit could give you some clearer and more concrete information as you decide as well.

 

I think it's fabulous just that you've taken the step to apply to graduate schools, that you've done something toward achieving that dream.  No matter what you decide to do next, you've won over the anxiety for this task!  Bravo!

 

percycat

 

By the way, one thing that is pretty certain is that the school that accepted you thinks you're capable of succeeding in their program.  That's something most graduate programs consider (or try to) when deciding whom to admit.  So keep that in mind as you decide as well.


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 4/14/2008 5:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Well done 'Anxietyridden'...A door has opened for you in your life path - an opportunity to excel at something you have been dreaming of 'WOW' - this doesn't happen to just anyone, but it has happened to you :)
 
Yes, it's gonna be a challenge and a step outside of your comfort zone... but - you were already anxious 'in' your comfort zone, so who is to say that moving out of it is gonna make it worse lol tongue
 
Already you have been working on your anxiety prob. - that in itself takes courage - so now you have skills to deal with it..be proud of what you have achieved so far..onwards and upwards I say!
yeah
'Reach for the stars..even if you have to stand on a cactus to get there'...and most of all - don't let others steal your dreams with negative thoughts - no matter how well intentioned they may feel they are being at the time.
 
Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.
Maree 
 'Raindrops on roses..'


Top Gunner
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 4/18/2008 1:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Anxiety Ridden,

First of all congrats on your acceptance! You deserve it!

From a fellow anxious prone friend to another, I can safely say this. Your anxiety should not prevent you from trying. I have gone through many life experiences where I have tried to take a bold step into what I haven't tried before, and sometimes, it has landed me a visit to the psychiatrist. I would have to start taking meds again, and eventually, pick myself up and live life again. After awhile, I stop the meds until the next big major life change. I am currently going through a major life change. I will be moving to another city and starting a new job. It's very exciting but at the same time, it is making me anxious. I also just got back from a trip to China, and I had to cut it short because I had a panic attack over there. I am back home now, and I can still feel the anxiety. I had some leftover benzos from my last episode and I just took .5 mg now and I am starting to feel the calming effect of it. This is just a short term fix until I can make an appointment to see my doctor for next steps. Most likely, I will be on a mild anti-depressant as well (prozac) as benzos do tend to induce depression.

The point is this, I have been experiencing anxiety/depression for the last 15 years at least, and while I accept my anxiety, I do not accept that it limits me in any way of living life to the full. I am not trying to boast, but I am saying this to encourage you. With my anxiety, I have graduated from university, have convocated from the Certified Management Accountant program (similar to CPA in the States), become ordained as a pastor/minister, gone overseas twice, lived in two different cities (after have lived in the same province for 30 years), and have progressed my career from entry-level accountant to intermediate accountant to pastor to manager level in a non for profit sector organization.

Now if I can do all of this with my anxiety, you can too. You must simply believe in your abilities. Also, I have found it helpful to not despise my anxiety, but to embrace it as part of me. This part keeps me humble so that I don't get too puffed up, but at the same time, I can rejoice in the confidence that I have built over the last years despite my anxiety and it's nasty friends (panic attacks). It also helps that I have my Christian faith that has and continues to sustain me over these many years.

So congrats again on the acceptance into the unversity! I wish you the best in your new endeavors!

Top Gunner.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/18/2008 3:30 AM (GMT -7)   
CONGRATS
Yes you can do it I know you can
I have made many a life change and gotten thru it and I know others have as well
What a special gift you have been given
Go for it I say anmd keep us posted you are part of this family ya know
Lyn


  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
 
   
 
                   
 


Honey Bee
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 4/18/2008 3:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Anxiety Ridden

Well done, that is so cool getting accepted into the school in NYC! You sound like you have been doing everything you can to move forward and in life and to help you cope with the panic/anxiety so what have you got to lose? Worst case scenario you give it a go then decide it is not for you for whatever reason and leave. At least then you can feel proud that you have tried it.

Has anybody else with anxiety made a big life change like this? Is there anyone who can give me some advice? I don't know if I should just forget it and accept that I am limited because of my anxiety...or just give it a try and hope it works out! - This comment by you really struck a personal chord with me. I have suffered from anxiety/panic since very young, I am now 39. Like you and many on this forum it is a constant fight but it does not mean that we should let it stop or limit us doing some of the things that we want to in life. I had a major life change 5 years ago and moved from the UK to Australia which I had never visited before. I left my job of 14 years, my home, my 2 beautiful cats and my family behind to do this. Like you I was terrified at the prospect and had a bad time coping beforehand but I did get beyond the fear and panic and got on the plane. I gritted my teeth and once here just kept telling myself that I could go home if things were really bad etc.

One of the most important things that kitt said is so very true and something I am trying to do currently (as I am going through my biggest challenge so far) is to try and STAY IN THE MOMENT. Once you let your mind wander and start thinking about the uncertainty of the future, how you are going to cope when this and that happens it just makes you feel ten times worse. So it is a great suggestion to try and do this, don't think beyond what you have to do today if possible.

The other thing that bothered me about your post was your parents attitude. I had exactly the same thing from my mum and dad when I told them I was moving to Australia. My mum actually said to me "maybe you are the type of person that cannot live outside of their own city and too far away from us etc", so you are not the only one to experience this. Actually what I would like you to consider is that it is their insecurities and fear of you moving away from them that is making them talk this way and not their view of you!! Maybe they are scared of you leaving them, not the other way around? Certainly with my mum those words stuck with me and currently although I am going through hell and my mum has said 'why don't you just come home to the UK' her negative comments previously are actually giving me strength and I am thinking I am darned if I am going to give up and go home however hard it is to be here on my own!! Maybe thinking like this might help you to prove them wrong. Just a thought from my own experience.

Anyway, my main point is that if I and many others can do these things whilst struggling with chronic anxiety and panic issues then surely you can as well. You sound like you are totally facing up to your fears and trying - please don't limit yourself because of the anxiety. I have needed a major push and some very tough love at times but in the end have managed to do more than I thought with my very limited self belief so why would you not give it a go.

Take care

Honey Bee

Post Edited (Honey Bee) : 4/18/2008 4:57:16 AM (GMT-6)


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/18/2008 6:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Anxietyridden,

I'm just checking in with you to see how you are doing?  Have you made the decision yet of what you are going to do?  I sure hope you plan to go to school because as Peacesoul asked, do you want to wonder all your life about having regrets if you don't go.  When you get the time, please let us know how things are going with you.

Take care,

Wen


Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.

Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”

Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/18/2008 7:12 AM (GMT -7)   

Anxietyridden,

Good Morning to you and I am so proud of the great responses you have received from our great members. I am wondering how your doing and wanted to check in to see if your ok.

Remember we are all just here to support you and share our experiences but you must do what feels right for you and do it because you want it.  I always tell my friends that are looking at changing jobs, give it a try and if it does not work out then it is okay to change your mind and move on.  Yes, stay in the moment.
Make an effort to stay focused on what's happening now. What do you see, hear, and smell? How do you feel? Truly be 'present' in the moment! That will help you keep the anxiety down.

Keep working with it and you will reach your goals. Let us hear how you are, we care.
Hugs

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 

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