Confidence is gone again

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mynameis
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 4/26/2008 2:55 AM (GMT -7)   
My self-esteem seems to have just vanished. For months I seemed to get a lot better and felt my confidence growing, but now it seems to have gone again. sad
 
What really triggered it was a few weeks ago when my brother invited my boyfriend and I to his birthday meal in a restaurant. There were loads of people there I didn't know and I felt myself start to panic because it got so crowded and I felt so small because I can't talk in large groups, I just can't. The director of the company I work at held a meeting last week and spoke to us all individually in front of the group. I felt my heart race and my cheeks flush because I find that situation so threatening. I know that stems from school where I used to get singled out in the class and picked on for other people's amusement and everyone would either laugh or sit there quietly feeling sorry for me, I just can't seem to let it go and it's impacted my adult life. I walk outside in public and convince myself that every time someone laughs it's at me or that people are whispering about me.
 
Also, perhaps this is silly, I don't know, but I found out a couple of weeks ago that there are a couple of photos of me floating about on the social networking website 'Facebook'. I don't know if Facebook is something people here are aware of because it is possibly a UK thing, but it's basically a massive site like MySpace where people have profiles and can contact each other. I don't WANT to be on that stupid website because I don't want people seeing me. I feel ugly at the moment and I don't want photos of me on there. It's really annoyed me. I've decided that I can't really be a part of these online social network communities because it makes obsessive and paranoid so I've stopped logging into any of them and feel a lot better for it, so I suppose at least that's one positive thing.
 
Another thing, I passed my driving test and got a car and I just don't feel confident enough to drive alone yet. People keep making comments about how I hardly ever drive but being on the road scares me. The actual driving part is ok, I get more anxious about possibly making myself look stupid when I can't find a parking space or if I mess my parking up completely.
 
Just wish I could be less self-conscious, I care too much about other people's perceptions of me. sad

saabbaby
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 4/26/2008 6:17 AM (GMT -7)   
hey there mynameis..im sorry ur not havung a good day!!! Ive been exactley what ur going throught, onmy bad dayz, all i do is thik what other think of me, but what i tell everyone is tp just not care, its hard but tell urself i great, smart and all of te othergood things that u are. As for driving, it will come, driving is a scary thing even for a/p sufferers, thke nice deep breaths, i believe u can do it, and it will happen,think positive....tell urself 'i will drive!!!!'
 
As for the facebook(we have it canada and usa) i get anxiety on there too, ur not alone, especialy when i see sumone that i've had a past, but its also help me get over my anti-sociality..... Have a great day sweetie!!!Im sure things will get brighter!!!! smurf smurf
Thoughts Become Things


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 4/26/2008 6:49 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there 'mynameis'..Take heart - you are not alone with these feelings on bad days  eyes We are our own worst critic at times...wondering if you can work on your 'self talk' pattern - journalling your thoughts might help too. When your mind gets into the 'Oh I feel bad about myself' mode - how about challenging this with something like 'Hang on a minute - I feel proud of my achievements :-) ' Keeping a journal has worked for me when I have gone thru a rough patch - and is a good way to keep an eye on my self esteem - writing good things down seems to stick better in my mind somehow - worth a try anyhow...

Keep us posted on your progress.

Maree


 'Raindrops on roses..'


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/26/2008 7:44 AM (GMT -7)   
SO sorry you are going thru this
I was signed up to facebook by my daughter...there is nothing on there bad but I too DO NOT like the whole thing at all
I do not allow Cait on Myspace at all
And I continually am checking her facebook
Not that I do not trust her but like you did say others lv messages on there......

I am keeping you in my heart and prayers hoping thigs will change around for you asap
Support is here....you know that take full advantage of using the family to get you thru all of this

Luvs
LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
 
   
 
                   
 


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/26/2008 10:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,
 
I am so sorry you are going through all of this, you sound very stressed.  Congratulations on passing your driving test; driving can be a scary thing but I don't believe that you are going to make yourself look stupid by looking for a parking space or anything else.  Just try going for short drives to start with and parking at places you know and then go for longer drives and bigger parking lots to park in.  There are times that we all have to look for spaces to park, but that's just the way it is at times.  Just take this in baby steps and hopefully that will work for you.
 
Keep posting to let us know how you are doing.
 
Take care,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

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Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

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stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/27/2008 6:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Morning mynameis,
I read your post yesterday but wanted to let some of the other members answer you first.............great advice you have received.
I agree you are just having a bit of a problems with your self confidence.

Self confidence usually is based on how well or not so well we've done in previous situations. It is how we feel about ourselves. Our self worth is based upon our previous performance . We all tend to base our own personal values on how successfully we perform in different situations and we often want a perfect performance of ourselves. If we don't live up to our perfect standards, we end up lowering our opinions of ourselves.

We can learn to value ourselves in spite of feeling anxious. . .  We often believe we must continually justify our place in the world, that we have to somehow prove to other people that we are extremely self confident and worthy of their esteem . We will spend excessive amounts of time feeling anxious and afraid that we won’t meet other people expectations and we lose sight of the basic fact that we are  all right just as we are, in spite of the fact that we are not perfect.

Temporary fluctuations in our self confidence are common, they happen to most of us. Try self talk, tell yourself you are fine. Tell yourself you can go to the party or what ever event you are fearing and that you will be ok. When you begin to feel bad, such as being at a party with a whole lot of people you don't know, stop the stinkin thinkin and take a deep breath. Tell your self you are ok, many of the people at the party maybe feel the same way you do.

Take a break and step outside for a bit of fresh air and remember you are every bit as bright, witty and intelligent as the rest of the party guests.

As far as driving, try driving early in the morning on a Sunday when the traffic is light.  Just set a goal and maybe drive to a specific destination. You can do this but try it by your self so no one is there to make you feel anxious or tell you what to do and be a back seat driver.

Facebook, yes it is world wide I believe so sweetie, don't go there and forget about it.  I know some people love it and others hate it so if you choose to not participate, kudos to you.

Just keep on working on the self esteem and know you are pretty darn normal.    :-)
Hugs

Kitt


 
 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 4/27/2008 11:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello and welcome!

You've gotten a lot of good advice from other folks, and I hope you're feeling a little better today.

I can identify with your feelings that people are always watching you or snickering behind your back and such things. I grew up with a very different set of school experiences than yours, but nevertheless, for years I've subconsciously operated as though the whole world was critiquing my every move. The truth of it -- as someone (was it you, Top Gunner?) pointed out in a recent thread --is that really, most people don't pay that much attentioin to what others are doing, especially strangers. I understand how you certainly received an opposite message as a child, but I believe that the situation you were put in was an anomaly -- and terribly unfair! Sure, there are some people out there who just love to put their noses into other folks' business - that's why tabloid magazines are so popular. But I really don't think most people notice much what a person walking by is doing, or even someone trying to park a car.

It's really hard to shake that "stinkin' thinkin'," but it is something that YOU have control over in this situation. You may not be able to control what others think of you, but you can control what you think of yourself. Try to remind yourself that the people around you are often so wrapped up in their own stuff, that they're not going to notice your little slips or discomforts. What matters is being gentle with yourself and patient, and taking those baby steps like lots of others have posted.

Hang in there, and let us know how you're doing!

percycat

jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 4/27/2008 11:38 AM (GMT -7)   

Love the "stinkin' thinkin" theory..enough to put a smile on anyones dial tongue ..will put it in practice today!

Maree


 'Raindrops on roses..'


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 4/27/2008 8:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there, I know what it feels like to have your self esteem feel like it's flapping around your ankles.  Some days I find it so hard to get up the confidence to leave the house and smile, but once I get going it gets easier.  I'm not a fan of facebook or myspace..I don't want my face up there either!!  As Kitt said, you have had some great advice, and I'm actually having a bit of a BLAH day myself today..but I KNOW that things will get better...believe that you are worth fighting to get your confidence back and take baby steps..be kind to yourself sweetie and stay away from that "stinking thinkin"..bless you, and many hugs for you too

Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


mynameis
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 5/2/2008 7:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for the kind words and support from you all. It's always such a relief when people actually understand what it's like.
 
After months (well...years!) of putting it off I finally phoned up and made an appointment to see a doctor on Tuesday. It's taken me ages to take this step but I've decided that enough is enough and I have this illness, I accept it and I really want to get better.
 
I'm just praying that once I'm given help things will start to get a bit easier. I'm sick to death of going to a restaurant and sitting there with a dry mouth, feeling sick, shaking, feeling as though everyone is looking at and judging me and looking frantically at the door every few minutes. It's just so horrible.
 
No-one really knows how much I struggle and this makes it all the more worse because I can't tell anyone. My boyfriend keeps hinting that driving is getting too expensive for him and he drives me home every weekend. I have my own car which would help but I'm just too terrified to go out alone in it. To him I must seem awkward but if I could sit behind the wheel without panicking I would...I just can't help it, it's involuntary. sad

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/2/2008 8:01 AM (GMT -7)   

mynameis

Congratulations and Kudos to you..............I am so proud of you for making that appointment.  I know how you feel as I spent 26 years hiding my anxiety and depression from friends and family.

I can still feel  how I felt at social events when every one was laughing and having fun and I felt inadequate and so insecure.  I still feel that way before I get to an event but once there I just try to stay in the moment and keep telling myself I am fine, I am a good person and just try to be my own best friend. 

Please keep posting as we are here for you and you know we care.

Hugs
Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


mynameis
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 5/3/2008 3:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you stkitt! I think everything's going to be ok.

Honey Bee
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 5/3/2008 4:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi mynameis

Kudos to you for continuing to make an effort to do things that seem easy to others but that lots of us struggle with. I have to continually force myself almost to get in the car on my own everyday now (i have to due my current circumstances), I worry about all sorts of 'silly' things to do with driving but your parking comment made my smile. I worry that I am not going to be able to find the car again so will not go to a shopping centre with a multi storey car park alone, I always park where there are lots of spaces around if possible. I worry that I am going to get lost but now have a GPS which has given me a lot of confidence driving!

Believe me, it is not just us that does these things. We just think we are the only ones but I can tell you that I have learnt over the years once you start talking to others you realise that everyone has their quirks and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

In fact I now try and look at how BRAVE we all are who suffer from Anxiety/Panic etc. as we do do all of these things in life (that seem easy to some people), DESPITE how difficult they are and how much effort it takes, that is how I try and look at it anyway. Pat yourself on the back for continually trying.

Take care

Honey Bee

Post Edited (Honey Bee) : 5/3/2008 5:36:58 AM (GMT-6)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/3/2008 10:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Honey Bee said...
Hi mynameis
In fact I now try and look at how BRAVE we all are who suffer from Anxiety/Panic etc. as we do do all of these things in life (that seem easy to some people), DESPITE how difficult they are and how much effort it takes, that is how I try and look at it anyway. Pat yourself on the back for continually trying.

Take care

Honey Bee
Honey Bee is a wise person and I had to say kudos to you Honey Bee for great advice. :-)
Hugs and sleep  well Mynameis.  I am positive you will be ok, after all your a member of this great family.
Kitt
 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Honey Bee
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 5/4/2008 5:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks stkitt for the very kind comments. I am trying to give a little back just based on my own thoughts at the moment. I am going to try and post an update on my own situation soon but am struggling to get through a long weekend at the moment but know that I do appreciate all of your advice and support so far.

To mynameis I am sure you will be okay, as kitt says you are now a member of this wonderful family.

Take care

Honey Bee

percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 5/4/2008 5:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Mynameis,

Good for you for taking steps to control your anxiety and make it stop controlling you. I hope you'll have a really productive meeting with your doctor on Tuesday. Send us a post and let us know how things turn out for you.

We'll definitely be thinking of you!

Hugs and blessings,
percycat
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