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wen4003
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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/27/2008 4:03 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm trying to help my husband understand what Anxiety and Panic are about and what I go through with the attacks.  He's not big on reading so it makes it even tougher and when I try to talk to him about it he tries to get it but he just isn't.  Does anyone have any suggestions about how I can help him understand this better?  I'm having the same problem with the Bipolar Disorder - he just has no clue.  HELP!!
 
Take care,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am not a medical professional, any advice give is purely from personal experience.

Always seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

 “Be a good listener.  Your ears will never get you into trouble.” - Frank Tyger


peacesoul
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 4/27/2008 4:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, I have a suggestion.
Take off his clothes, tie him up in the front yard and ask him how vulnerable he feels. Then take him to some railroad tracks and tie him down when the train is coming and ask again, how he's feeling.

LOL.......Ok for real, there is no way to explain an attack or depression unless someone feels it. All you can do is tell him to love you the best way he knows how or you'll leave him for the mailman


Oh by the way, I had a FULL blown panic attack in walmart last week. I went back 3 days later to see if I can do it and I did.
I thought about you the whole time.
The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong in the broken places
 


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/27/2008 5:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Peacesoul,
 
I LOVE your first two suggestions - you just crack me up ROFLMBO. 
 
My husband is a great man, has stood by me through everything and not once complained about anything.  I just wish I could get him to understand things a little better, but that may just be a wish that's blowing away in the wind.  But all I can do is keep trying.
 
I'm also glad I could help you with Wal-Mart, now if I could help myself by going back there again, I'd be following my own words - LOL.  But right now isn't the time for me to be doing that.
 
Thanks for the advice and have a great night.
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am not a medical professional, any advice give is purely from personal experience.

Always seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

 “Be a good listener.  Your ears will never get you into trouble.” - Frank Tyger


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/27/2008 5:26 PM (GMT -7)   

Ok Wen and Peacesoul it is time for you two to shop at Target.  It gaurantees panic free shopping and no sticker shock.  devil

Wen, I am right there with you, my husband does not understand it either.  I brought him to the therapist with me for 2 sessions so she could help explain how it works.  He seemed to get it for a bit but he expects it to just go away as in therapy I learned how to deal with it so now I have the magic tools but he doesn't understand the tools break down sometimes. So do I  :)

I like Peacesoul's advice about talking with him.  Remember that you cannot control your husband's  reactions, but you can be prepared for what to say in response. If the discussion doesn't go the way you would have liked, ask your husband  if you may talk again. Take it in small sessions. 

Would he be willling to see a therapist for himself to help him deal with his issues?

Hugs to you sweetie.
Luvs

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 4/27/2008 7:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh peacesoul you crack me up!!! That is wonderful!! (I might try it out on my BF later!!).  Wen, have you herad of a (very small and short) book called "living with it" by bev aisbett.  It only takes a few minutes to read as it is mostly in cartoon form but it's helpful to people who don't get panic/anxiety...failing that shove him out of a plane and ask how it would feel to have that adrenalin rush happen for no reason (oh but give him a parachute lol)

Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 4/28/2008 3:21 AM (GMT -7)   

I have come to the conclusion over the years that unless people have suffered depression or panic attacks etc. they really cannot begin to fathom what on earth is going on eyes ..but hey, a little bit of reassurance, kindness and a nice cup of tea goes a long way with me :-) The book mentioned 'Living with it' by Bev Aisbett is brilliant - it really seemed to make a big difference to my husband and his understanding about panic attacks...

Maree


 'Raindrops on roses..'


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/28/2008 8:05 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Wen, the book sounds good, I am going to order it right now.

I agree with theothers, if you have not lived through anxiety and panic you just don't understand it but you should be able to support and believe in the person with the affliction. 

Parachute..........that is good.  devil
Love ya Sweetie

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/28/2008 8:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,
 
I like the Target idea, but I am afraid that may even that may be too much for me right now.  But I do like the idea of no sticker shock.  :-)
 
Unfortunately, my husband is not willing to do therapy on his own.  I'm not even sure he would join me for a couple of my sessions, but I will approach him and the therapist with that idea.  Maybe the therapist can give him some insight and understanding that I just haven't been able to do.  I have tried talking to him a little here and there so as not to overwhelm him as well as giving him some short articles to read.  But it doesn't appear to be helping.  Don't get me wrong, he's very supportive and he is trying, but just doesn't understand it.
 
Meg,
 
No I haven't heard of that book, but it sounds good and will try to get one soon ($$ are tight right now), maybe it will help him.  But I kinda like the shoving him out of a plane with no parachute - LOL.  You are too funny, Meg - you also crack me up.  :-)
 
Maree,
 
I think I am coming to the same conclusion as you.  It really is a difficult thing to wrap your brain around this unless you go through it yourself.  He does reassure me that things will get better at some point, although he does get frustrated at times that he can't fix it.  In many ways I feel sorry for him and wonder why he sticks around to put up with this.  He must love me a lot.  I think I will find a way to get that book, it sounds like a good one.
 
Thank you all for your help and support, I really do appreciate it.
 
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am not a medical professional, any advice give is purely from personal experience.

Always seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

 “Be a good listener.  Your ears will never get you into trouble.” - Frank Tyger


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/28/2008 9:12 AM (GMT -7)   

Wow, I am in sticker shock..........I went to Amazon to buy the little book Living with It by Bev Aisbett and in paperback it was $82.59.

The other ones listed under it were not available.  Does anyone know more about the book your referring too in the posts.

Wen, I was going to pick you up a book to but sweetie, I am still in shock.  devil   I will google for it once.


Hugs

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


crying
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 263
   Posted 4/28/2008 10:04 AM (GMT -7)   
I think I might have to get that book too! but um...not for that kinda of money! Ebay here I come!

Im not sure how to get someone to understand what its like to go thru these attacks, maybe let them sit in a cage with a hungery bear?

My hubby is pretty good with dealing with me and my anxiety and honestly I dont ask him to understand it but to just be there for me when I go thru it. I hate to be alone in the house when I panic but I also cant stand anyone touching me at the time either, I feel traped if he tries to hold or hug me.

If anyone finds that book for less than $80 I love to know, I dont think I want to sell my kidney to buy a book
Puttin' the Fun in Dis-fun-ction!


megie
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 69
   Posted 4/28/2008 10:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi ladies can i join in here ? I have a wonderful husband in many ways but he doesn't understand either . I have been on Anti-D for many years even before I met him .(we have been married 9 Yrs ) well he decided he didn't like me on ADs , well he liked me good enough when we got married ! So long story short ,the last year has been heck on me . I have a great doctor and he told me to bring my hubby in and he would explain it to him . well that never happened , and I just told my hubby i was going to ask to be put back on ADs after not taking any for almost 6 yrs . Have been taking xanax for a yr now for anxiety , panic , all the good stuff . The other night was the first time (believe it or not ) that he seen me with a major panic attack . he asked what he could do , thinking he could fix it . I think that is our biggest problem he can't fix it , just be their for me . I think it makes him feel like he is failing me , because he can't "fix" it . I am very private and usually just suffer alone . Am very good at hiding my feelings , everyone thinks I am "happy go lucky " but they don't know what demons I fight . well I am back on ADs now 9 weeks feeling lots better , but when the panic hits its hard to shake it , still having high anxiety right now

Maybe we could find the book at library ? ((((hugs )))) megie
     You can only change what you can control , you can't change what you can't control .


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/28/2008 10:28 AM (GMT -7)   

megie,

Thank you for the input and I think your right, the hubbies think you can somehow just be fixed. I am glad you are back on the med and feeling better.

RE the book, I did find the info online re her cartoon books but she is from Australia so that may be why we are having problems finding the small book.  Also the publication date on that one was 1993.

Hey I found a site.................hope thisi s the right book.

http://www.seekbooks.com.au/featuredbook1.asp?bookid=9780207180408

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/29/2008 8:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Sis
I am so sorry that he just doesnt get it
I am dang lucky that Howie does...........He knows when I am going into one and when Cait is in one........

I did alot of talking and explaining how I felt to him that I was so afraid and so alone and sometimes in a DARK hole

I also mentioned about how my heart feels and did the comparison of that there 'Rooster" that his HEART would show up on the TV with it big bright and pounding out of chest............when he saw his love

Howie is also a member here he joined to gain info about Crohns and does read about anxiety isues as well
He knows what the stres and anxity can do to my body when in a bad flare of the Pyoderma
I wish that book wasnt so bleeding costly sis ..........

I am lucky it seems to have him understand and support me as he does.........

Wish I could be more help sis

Luvs and thinking of you

Sis
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
 
   
 
                   
 


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/29/2008 6:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for the help and information.  That book sounds great Megie, but I sure won't be paying that amount of money for it.  Megie, did you check out the link that Kitt provided to see if it's the same book you are talking about?  If it is, it's at a MUCH more reasonable price.
 
I've come to the conclusion that as long as he continues to love me, put up with me and support me however he can, then I'm not going to try so hard to get him to understand this.  He really does try, but not having gone through this himself, he just doesn't - and I really do understand his point of view.  I just want to help him.
 
Thanks again for the advice everyone, I just love this family!!
 
Love to all,
Sis


Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am not a medical professional, any advice give is purely from personal experience.

Always seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

 “Be a good listener.  Your ears will never get you into trouble.” - Frank Tyger

Post Edited (wen4003) : 4/30/2008 7:27:29 AM (GMT-6)


megie
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 69
   Posted 4/29/2008 8:03 PM (GMT -7)   
we all love you too wen!!!!
:-)  
     You can only change what you can control , you can't change what you can't control .


peacesoul
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 4/30/2008 3:23 AM (GMT -7)   
stkitt said...

Ok Wen and Peacesoul it is time for you two to shop at Target.  It gaurantees panic free shopping and no sticker shock.  devil

Kitt

I would KILL for a Target to come to Canada. When I was in Philly, I went there the 1st time ever. I loved it.
 
The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong in the broken places
 


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/30/2008 6:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Megie!!  :-) :-)
 
Peacesoul,
 
I have a Target about 20 miles from me, but am scared to death to go there - big places are just out of the question right now.  Maybe soon - I know, baby steps.
 
Thanks all,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am not a medical professional, any advice give is purely from personal experience.

Always seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

 “Be a good listener.  Your ears will never get you into trouble.” - Frank Tyger


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/1/2008 9:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Take your time sis
You will know when you are ready.........

Keeping you in my heart thoughts and lots of
Luvs
Sis
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
 
   
 
                   
 

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