Need advice...

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a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 5/2/2008 4:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi-all-
haven't posted in a loooooong time, but I think of all of you often, as you have helped me through some tough times.
As you may remember, my daughter (now 20) came out as being a *** about a year ago. I am still struggling with this somewhat, as her girlfriend, whom she claims to be in love with, lives directly across the street. (They both go to college, but are home for breaks and for the entire summer). I think part of my lack of acceptance has come from my opinion of her girlfriend- I feel she is very domineering and is pulling all of my daughter's strings. I just got an e-mail from my daughter, written in a loving way, but stating that she is concerned about how things are going to be between us this summer because I haven't fully accepted everything. She wants me to accept her girlfriend so badly, and I am not at that point. Needless to say, my anxiety is back in full force- need advice, and perhaps a suggestion for a chat room/forum of mothers in similar situations.

Thank you all so much!!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/2/2008 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear a.l.
I remember you had a similiar problem during school break or maybe it was last summer.  I would say that as a Mother we have to accept that our children do grow up and their decisions are not always what we had hoped for them but most important is for you and your daughter to remain close to each other. Also at stake is your daughter's happiness.  You don't want to make her choose between you and her significant other. It will break both of your hearts as she obvously cares deeply for you or she would not have emailed.
 
I know a lot of your anxiety rises from your worries that your daughter is going to get hurt by this relationship and she may but you can only be there for her and support her. 
 
Can you try the old staying in the moment and not anticipate what might happen. I love this writing so I am posting it for you.
Gentle Hugs to you.
Kitt
 

Be at Peace

Do not look forward in fear to the changes of life;

Rather look to them with full hope that as they arise,
God, whose very own you are, will lead you safely
through all things;

And when you cannot stand it, God will carry you
in His arms.

Do not fear what may happen tomorrow;

The same everlasting Father who cares for you today
will take care of you today and every day.

He will either shield you from suffering or will give you
unfailing strength to bear it.

Be at peace and put aside all anxious thoughts and
imaginations.

St. Francis de Sales


 
 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 5/3/2008 10:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt-

Thank you soooo much!! I am going to post that poem on my refrigerator!!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/3/2008 10:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Hugs to you and prayers to help you deal with your anxiety.  So glad you liked the verse. 
Take care my friend.
Kitt

 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 5/4/2008 6:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear a.l.,

What a struggle you're facing. I think Kitt has given you the best advice I can think of: to try staying in the moment, not thinking ahead to "what ifs." And of course remember that even though you're not able to approve of your daughter's choices yet, she is still the same person that you've always loved and cared for. That love will be something constant in her life that she will appreciate and need very much in facing the issues that come with her lifestyle. Someday she will understand and value the challenges you're facing in accepting her decisions, but I suspect that right now, she's still grappling with many challenges about it herself.

Hang in there, be gentle with yourself, and accept that you are doing the best you can.

Prayers and hugs,
percycat

a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 5/4/2008 12:08 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you, percycat, for your comforting words!!!

Yes, this an extremely difficult situation for me, and the kindness and understanding on this forum sure helps!!!

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