i need a opinion

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

machelle
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 491
   Posted 5/3/2008 4:30 PM (GMT -7)   
i grew in a so not so great household, and at 19 years i had a child by date rate, he used the date rape drug on me, my parents didn't believe me, but 9 months i had a baby girl, my parents helped me with her which i appreciated alot but they always seemed to try to outshine me to win her heart that they where the greatest to her, well in 1995 i got married to my husband she was 5 and she was mad and hated living with us because she rather be with them, if me and my husband would discipline her for something she did bad they would tell us that we shouldn't say that, or if she acted bad she wouldn't get want she wanted but my parents would go and get it for her, or if it was something we couldn't afford they would get it for her winning her even more, she is now 18 and she has made it clear who she loves most and it hurts me because i did everything i could for her, i was there for her when she was young all my money went to her, and its like i never did anything, she even won't bring her friends to our house because she rather them see her at her grandparents house which is worth twice as much, i have always shown her love more than i ever received from my parents and still she hurts me, she says in a week she is moving in with them after she gets out of school and part of me doesn't care is that wrong. sad

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/3/2008 4:44 PM (GMT -7)   

machelle,

First of all I am so sorry you have lived through this all these years.  It may have helped if your parents had backed you and not given in to her but their mistake was thinking they were her parents and not you.  They did what often happens in a divorce, the non-custodial parent will attempt to buy the child's love and loyalty and it works for some. 

My ex tried it with my children but he did not have the staying power to hang around and continue his behavior so my hubby, their stepfather,  is the one they call Dad.

Some day your daughter will realize that she has made a mistake, especially when she is a Mother.  For now, you must believe that you did your best, you are a good Mother and no, do not feel guilty for wanting to let go and let her move in with your Grandparents.  I truly know how hurt you are by all this but please remember that you are more than just a Mother, you are a wonderful, caring human who deserves love and respect.

Gentle hugs to you my dear friend.
Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


machelle
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 491
   Posted 5/3/2008 4:54 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks skitt, it just seemed i was fighting a loosing battle and i can see the similarity of divorced parents i did when i got married and she had alot of hatred towards me for changing her situation, but i been hurt by my parents for not supporting us and trying to outdo us

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/3/2008 9:56 PM (GMT -7)   

I am so sorry you are hurt and I think you have a right to be as your parents actions have contributed to much of the issues with your daughter.  I know that it is extremely difficult to fight the pain and the hurt so reach out and take our hands, we will be beside you always.

You have lost the dream of raising your daughter and sharing a Mother and Daughter relationship that you wanted to have. She is choosing someone else to live with and I do understand your hurt.

Hugs to you hun and hold on.  It will get better.
Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 5/3/2008 10:28 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Machelle..

Wow you have been through sooo much and yet you have survived - you are a brave and strong woman - and a wonderful mum - be proud :-)

Here's a thought - do you think it's possible that your daughter can see the competition between you and your parents - and plays on this just a little for attention - whether it's good or bad..maybe it's time to stand back and observe from  distance and see what is really going on...this may seem a little harsh...but it's just a thought I had when I read you post.

Hope everything sorts itself out soon. Keep posting.

Maree


 'Raindrops on roses..'
 
 
 
alias "Sista J."


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 5/4/2008 4:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, machelle, I am so sorry that you're having to deal with this situation. It must break your heart.

I deal with kids your daughter's age all the time in my work, and by and large, they do not seem to be appreciative of the sacrifices and "tough love" that come from their parents. Many of them just want to kick back and revel in the "independence" of their new adulthood, but they just don't see that they can't behave like children and expect everyone around them to care for their needs once they're physically not children any more. It sounds like your parents have catered to this trend in your daughter, and I'm sorry for that because it won't serve her well in her life.

However, I do also see that after they've been out on their own for a while, these twenty-somethings gradually gain some gratitude and even pride in the discipine they got from their parents. Sometimes they're most appreciative for the things they thought were stifling and not "fun" when they were younger. I hope and pray that this will be the case with your daughter.

In the meanwhile, try not to let your daughter's and your parents' treatment of you make you feel that you're not worthwhile. Quite the opposite: you have lived with a situation that would break a lot of people and you've done the very best you could to raise your daughter well. I think that shows a lot of strength of character.

Hugs and prayers,
percycat
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Friday, December 02, 2016 5:37 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,731,855 posts in 300,973 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151131 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, veris.
279 Guest(s), 8 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Krimpet 🍔, YinYanger, Helgramite, Michael_T, Xmaslover, Girlie, RanMan, London Lurker


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer