Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 6/27/2008 9:29:26 AM (GMT-6)
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression *~*
Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died..
Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise. They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat..
After a while Bubbles says, 'Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?' Barbie slipped over the side and finding the water only knee deep said, 'Nope, not yet Bubbles'.
So they row a little farther.... Again Bubbles asks Barbie, 'Do you think were out far enough now? Once again Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No, this will never do, the water is only up to my chest. ' So on they row and row and row, and finally Barbie slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles is really getting worried when suddenly Barbie breaks the surface gasping for breath.
'Well is it deep enough yet?' 'Yes, finally. Gimme the shovel.'
A Pirate in a Bar
A young sailor was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor asks “How’d you end up with a peg-leg?”
“I was swept overboard during a fierce storm,” says the pirate. “and a bloody shark bit off me whole darn leg!”
“Holy cow!” said the sailor. “What about the hook, how’d you get that?”
“Me crew and I were boarding an enemy ship, a fierce sword battle ensued. One of them cut me darn arm!”
“Absolutely incredible!” gasped the sailor. “And the eye patch, tell me how you got that?”
“A bloody seagull dropping fell into me eye,” replied the pirate.
“Umm, you lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” asked the sailor, admonished.
Embarassed, the pirate answered “It was me first day with the hook.”
The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . ."I'm not free. I'm four."
Come on someone else help me out here, I am the only one laughing at me............
I am on a roll today:
BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED FOR THEY ARE THE ONES WHO LET IN THE LIGHT! And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes
LOL, I got this same one in email and posted it on other site.
How about another holiday weekend joke.
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together.Just yesterday you take away my license and now today you expect me to show it to you."*****************************************************************************************************
A blond was shopping at K-Mart and came across a shiny silver thermos.She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it over to theclerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "why, that's a thermos....it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.""Wow," said the blond, "that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!" So she took the thermos and took it to work the next day.Her boss, who is also blond, saw it on her desk."What's that?" he asked. "Why, that's a thermos...it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,"she replied."What do you have in it?"asked the boss,"Two popsicles and some coffee"
This is serious radio..................lol, Kitt
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.
Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"The other three agreed.The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients." The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."
The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."
The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..." Kitt
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"
She said, "I'd love to be ten again."
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was.
She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning.
Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets.
At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"
One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"
Katie, That was so funny. My daughter in law loves her wine.........now I know why.
Spit out the pits, Lyn.................
One day after church service the pastor was going around shaking everyones hand. He came to a little boy and the boy said "You cursed during the service today" The pastor, puzzled by the remark said "Well if I curse during next sunday's service then I'll owe you a cherry pie." The boy agreed.The next sunday everyone was listening to what the pastor was saying. As the service was about to end, the pastor said "By God we live, and By God we die.". Just then the boy shouted "And By God you owe me a cherry pie!
Joke-a-rama we R.
Laughs to all.