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nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 5/30/2008 12:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey, I haven't shared this before but I'm freaking out to the point that I have to do this now.  I don't tell people this for fear of judgement, but I believe that my HW family will not think less of me for this.  I'm trusting you now okay.  I have been married for 8 years now.  My husband, has been a missing person for five of those years.  I try not to dwell, because it makes everything worse....I feel I am partly to blame.
 
He was working in a high stress national security job and he developed panic disorder and agrophobia (he had none of this when he met me - I feel that I was a bad influence somehow) and became paranoid.  He didn't take his meds, didn't get much help.  Then he didn't come home and that was it.
 
I tried to find him but we have an incredibly common surname and he has no surviving family.  I don't have the money or emotional strength to comb the earth.
 
I have tried to move on, have moved state, have an amazing guy in my life who puts up with my kookai...
 
The freak is, this morning one of my dearest friends (Who lives many states away) called me, she is sure she saw him and tried to talk to him, but he ran????! I am scared, my anxiety is through the roof, in fact it is through a whole suburb of roofs.  What if he comes back? What do I do? What if he IS alive? This is so freaky..I don't know what to do.  I'm just so ahhhh. Please help.
Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 5/30/2008 4:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Meg,
 
I am so sorry to hear about this, as this has got to be just heart-wrenching for you.  And you are right by the way, there will never be any judgment from HW, we are here to support you just like you support us.
 
I agree with Gramps, if he ran from your friend, then it sounds like he has no intention of returning to you.  As Kitt would say, stay in the moment and also continue on with your life as it is - it sounds like you have a good life now and you should keep if that way.
 
Please keep us in the loop Meg and let us know how you're feeling, we want to be able to help and there won't be any judgement at all.
 
Love and Hugs,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am not a medical professional, any advice give is purely from personal experience.

Always seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

 â€œBe a good listener.  Your ears will never get you into trouble.” - Frank Tyger


Junebug05
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 5/30/2008 5:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Meg,
 
I don't think anyone would change their opinion of you because of this situation, and I'm glad that you had the courage to share and maybe unload some of what seems to be a huge burden you have carried for so long.  You are not to blame for his disorders, it's not something you can "catch" from someone else, so don't feel guilt over that, it's not your fault.    I feel bad for you that you've had to endure this the past five years and now to have the great fear of him returning, I can't imagine how awful that would be.  I would guess that if he hasn't contacted you up to this point, he probably will not, but if he does, what is it that you fear?  Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

peacesoul
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 5/30/2008 5:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Gramps said...

I'm sorry for what you've been through & what you are going through Meg. If he ran from your friend, he has no intention on returning to your life. You have moved on & so has he. Look ahead, not back. My prayers & thoughts are w/ you. Please take care.

Hugs,


This would be my advice exactly.

He messed with you once, forgive him and live the new life you have and love.

And I must say WOW to this story. I bet he more issues going on that anxiety and panic. I dream of running away, but would never do it.
Just wish the best for him and hope that he's well

 


The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong in the broken places
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/30/2008 6:16 AM (GMT -7)   

My Dear Megs,

Hey my friend, don't you ever worry about being judged here.  I could write a bad novel about all the things I have done in my life but I it is better left in the past.  So you are always safe with us.

You can not cause another person's illness so don't you blame yourself for his leaving.  He obviously just ran away from his life and his stressful job and you have been in limbo ever since.  Now he has been sighted and again he ran to avoid being approached.

You have a man you are crazy about and I am a bit crazy about him too.  LOL  He was so thoughtful when you were in hospital.  I think he must be a pretty good guy.

Perhaps you should think about dissolving this marriage to your missing husband and just move forward and stay in the moment.  Yup I said it.  :-)

Yesterday is gone, and tommorow will take care of itself so live in today and be happy.  You deserve the best.  Your MIA husband is not going to show up out of the blue and he did abandon you so for your sake I hope you can find some peace and closure to this sad time in your past and know you are loved by all here.

I wish you peace and happiness but most of all, I wish you love.

Hugs

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


badgenetics1
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 146
   Posted 5/30/2008 6:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Shhesh!  I can see why this would stress you out!  Sounds like he has some major issues and I hope you can separate yourself from that.  Can you get a divorce?  Not sure what the laws are about such things bit if he has been MIA for so long seems like you could wash your hands of him legally as well and bid him a fond farewell and enjoy your life. We struggle so hard to have a good life in my opinion.  We walk a tight rope of anxiety and don't deserve to have anyone disturb a delicate balance.
 
I wish you peace! 

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/30/2008 6:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Sweet S.I.S.
I totally agree with Gramps and Wen as well ...
Dont look back sweetie
YOU are never judged here and you never will be you should know that you are only loved and supported by all

As like KITT ( lil sis ) I could write a HUGE novel about the crap I have done and gone thru ( oh wait I did write a novella ) Smile babe it will be OKAY
YOU have your family right here and keep us posted when you are up to it ...........
Love
S.I.S.


I sent you a detailed email my s.i.s
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
 
   
 
                   
 


ColtsFan
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 5/30/2008 11:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Man, that is some Bourne Identity stuff there. Since we don't know the whole story forgive me if I say something wrong. I'm not prying but just find this interesting. If you were married to him and he just disappeared are you not still married to him? I would think in order to get divorced he is going to have to be contacted at some point if you are ever going to be married to somebody else unless they have already marked him off as dead. If they haven't let the state hunt him down. If he has a SSN they can find him. If he is the type that would just run away instead of manning(like that Colts reference) up to his commitments it sounds like you are much better off without him.

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 5/30/2008 1:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey thanks for all of the input.  I just knew you wonderful people would understand.  I have called the DI who started this case and let him know about the sighting, but as he has done nothing wrong in the eyes of the law (except to break my heart) it is not a priority case.  I take on board all that you say about moving on, but it's not just that simple for me,
 
Maybe I am a wimp, but I want him to be okay, I want him to know he is missed.  It's not all about me..it's about his recovery.
 
I don't want to ruin what I am so blessed to have right now but I cannot run from it.  I will help him with every inch that I have, because I understand fear.
Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 5/30/2008 1:37 PM (GMT -7)   

To answer the tricky legal Q's, I can get a divorce through "absentee" of the second party (legal hooey) but it feels like giving up, not on our marriage, but on his ability to survive.

I just? If he feels half of what I have been through,  forgive..

Oh lord, I cannot write this...head spinning, heart pounding and all the rest.


Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/30/2008 1:44 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Meg,

May you find him safe and sound and may you unravel the mystery of why he disappeared and where he has been.  I wish you peace and happiness.  I want what you want for you.

If this is your husband and you still have feelings for him I understand your "spinning in circles" over this sighting of him.

I will pray for you and for him that he will contact you and the two of you may meet.  I know your scared and excited at the news all at the same time.

Hugs
Kitt



 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 

Post Edited (stkitt) : 5/31/2008 8:29:05 AM (GMT-6)


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 5/30/2008 5:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt, thank you for understanding my nutty reasoning.  I just want him to be okay.  That is all I ask.
Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 5/30/2008 10:16 PM (GMT -7)   
It is "official"..he is alive, and he is making amends..I cannot deal with it today, there is too much hurt.  I give myself permision to fall apart.

Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/31/2008 7:30 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Darling Meg,

I am glad you are giving yourself permission to fall apart.  I know all the old feelings along with new ones are flooding over you so cry my sweet Meg and let it all out.

I am here for you always.

Love

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 5/31/2008 4:13 PM (GMT -7)   
((((falls apart with Kitt blessing)))))

Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 5/31/2008 4:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, Meg!

I'm just catching up on this thread after being out sick for the week, and my heart aches for you. I'll be online for quite a while this evening, so if you need someone to talk with, email away. I included my email address in the message I sent to you.

Love and hugs from ALL of us,
percycat

wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 6/1/2008 11:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Dearest Meg,
 
I can't even begin to imagine all the emotions you must be feeling right now and you have every reason and right to fall apart now.  So no shame in that at all.  You are going through a lot right now and there is not and never will be any judgement from anyone here at HW.  We care, love and support you.  Keep posting - we want to help.
 
Hugs,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am not a medical professional, any advice give is purely from personal experience.

Always seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

 â€œBe a good listener.  Your ears will never get you into trouble.” - Frank Tyger


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/1/2008 2:02 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Meg,

I hope you let yourself have a good meltdown.  I know how all your old memories are mixed up with your emotions right now.  I am truly glad he is well and I hope you will be able to continue to make your way through this emotional time.

The waiting is over, you now know he is alive and where he is.

"Hearts will never be made practical until they are made unbreakable." - Tinman (Wizard of Oz)

Gentle Hugs my friend,
Kitt
 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/3/2008 2:54 AM (GMT -7)   
S.I.S.

You know what I have said to you on the phone sweety and I truly believe that you will make it thru this .......and S.....

If it were I I would take my now man and go to talk to him and explain he never gave you reasons for leaving and the hades you went trhu all these years
YES you do want to help him I get that
He has to want help as well and he needs to know you cannot keepp your life on "Standby" for him

YOU have come to far to go backewards my S.I.S.


I am here for you .....you know that

LUVS
S.I.S. .........ALways.........stay strong plz and if you need me beep me
Do you have Yahoo or msn to mesage .if so you can add me and I will try as will so many others to keep you stron


'OFFICIAL meltdown allowed ...OTHER ......NO plz .......
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
 
   
 
                   
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/3/2008 8:25 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Meg,

How are you doing my sweet lady from down under?  I have been worrying about you and will shoot you an email.

You know we are all here praying for a good outcome for all of you. Be brave but also give yourself permission to have your meltdowns to.

Reach out and take my hand, I will stand beside you.

Love
Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 6/4/2008 3:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Meg,

We are all right here with you as you go through this mindboggling situation. I hope we can help you find the strength you need to sort it out.

Love and hugs,
percycat

greyhound
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 277
   Posted 6/4/2008 3:16 PM (GMT -7)   
You will be in my prayers. Sending you a big hug.
Adopt a retired racing greyhound


FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 6/4/2008 6:11 PM (GMT -7)   
What an amazing story and I hope you are finding closure. Maybe when the pain lessons you can turn your story into a blockbuster movie.

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 6/4/2008 6:26 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey my HW friends,

I'm sorry I haven't posted for a bit but I needed some time to think and talk to my current guy.  I know you understand. I have talked to him (errant b......) , but he will not discuss "anything" over the phone and wants to do it in person.  I don't trust that, I have moved on from shock, to addressing the love I have had and still have for him.  But I don't trust him as far as I could piff him (which isn't far when you are only 5 foot tall!). Yes my humour is slowly returning on this. 

If he wants forgiveness he can come to me, but I am not chasing him and I am not interrupting my life anymore.  Powerful woman roar!! yeaaah!  You have all given me the strenght and input to do this.  I thank you from the very bottom of my heart.  I could not have reached this decision alone.  Not without all of you.  Bless, hugs and love...much of it.

Thank you all. I will let you know what the slippery man does next.


Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 6/4/2008 7:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Meg,

Good for you for setting up that strong and healthy boundary. This man has treated you in a way that's unacceptable, no matter what his reasons may have been. If he genuinely wants to make amends, it is indeed his responsibility to do so without expecting you to further disrupt your life on his behalf.

When we've been at fault in turning someone's life upside down by one of our own mistakes, we should find a way to apologize and make up for it that won't turn them upside down a second time. Otherwise, we show that we're still prisoners of the same selfish thinking that prompted the first mistake.

Love and prayers,
percycat
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