Post Edited (harlan) : 6/20/2008 12:52:00 PM (GMT-6)
Good Morning...........I am sorry you are feeling sad. The old proverb goes"You can't have your cake and eat it too" The things people want are often incompatible. This proverb is easier to grasp it it is understood to mean "You Can't eat your cake and have it too"
I believe you would like to have both of these men in your life as it feels good to you and now one is leaving.
Perhaps you need to see a therapist to talk through your issues as your right you cannot have both men and if you love your husband and are happy with him, you do not need to turn to another man.
I am not judging you just reaching out to you.
I wish you the best and stay with us.
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression *~*
Post Edited (stkitt) : 6/16/2008 10:55:44 AM (GMT-6)
I did not mean to sound flip in my answer to you. I hope you did not take it that way.
You see I have lived your life in my younger days but I gave up my husband, home and all and took my 3 children with me for another person that was not a free man. I thought I loved him but within a week he walked out on me and my 3 children and left me stranded in a strange city far from home and took his car too. I had no car, 3 kids and was broken hearted until I got mad at myself for being so dumb. What did I really expect?
So I went a step further then you and then worked very hard to put my life back together. My biggest regret was how I forgot I was a Mother and put my own wants ahead of my children without a blink of an eye.
I never did that again. I learned to take care of my children and myself and I am now married for 37 years to the real love of my life. My second husband.
No I did not go back to my first husband that I walked out on. It would not have worked out. I was only 23 at the time.
My heart hurts for you as these situations are always so difficult and yes you will get past this, in fact you will recover faster then you think.
I have great faith in you.
It was just one week and he did not come home from work but called to say he was not coming back . He went back to his wife with the money, the big lake home and all his toys. He came in the middle of the night and took his car away so I had no car. I know now that I made bad choices and I paid my dues but I will never forget how he stranded 3 little kids.
My hubby has Crohn's disease and was first dx when he was 29, his first major surgery and he has had a total of 3. I have learned to live with it as he does well and he is not one to discuss possible outcomes so I support him and care for him as he does me. He is having a bioposy of Prostate next week and when I first learned he may have a problem I cried until I was sick............I could not imagine life without him. But then I finally pulled myself back into the moment and am taking things one day at a time.
I suspect your therapist is right and you fear the abandonment that would come if your husband was not with you. But keep on holding on as you only need to deal with the now.
You are not alone in how you have reacted to this other man. No one is judging you, certainly not me.