Just need some support

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thirstyforchrist
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 6/16/2008 7:37 PM (GMT -7)   
sad   Ya'll, I'm sorry that I have been posting so much but I really need ya now.  I am feeling so incredibly tired and sad.  My whole body aches and my right side hurts on and off.  I don't know whether it's my anxiety and depression, or my eating disorder or something else.  I'm going to make myself call the doc tommorow and make an app for myself.  I'm so sad right now.  I don't have one reason to be sad.  Not one.  Everything is pretty good right now, and if anything I should be mad but no, I'm sad.  I'm tired, I'm so tired.  I want to feel better.  I want to live life like a normal person. I am having a very hard time in distinguishing my dreams from reality.  Seriously.  I'll call my husband and ask him questions about something, and he'll say we've never talked about it before.  And the same with other people.  I don't know whats wrong.  I am so blessed. I have a nice house, a beautiful son and husband.  I have a mostly supportive family.  I have a good car and tons of food.  Air conditioner (I'm just really thankful for that now because it's been like 95 degrees here today) I have it all. And yet I am so sad.  What is wrong with me.  I feel extremely guilty for feeling this way.  I don't want to leave my house at all.  I don't even want to go outside and play in the pool with my son.  We can stay in all day and it wouldn't bother me a bit.  I can't explain how tired I am.  I want this to just go away.  I want to run away from it, but I know that no matter where I go, it will follow me.  It'll be right there in the passenger seat talking to me the whole way.  I feel like I'm fixin to have an emotional or mental breakdown.  Seriously. Like I'm fixin to just lose it completely.  I go from really sad and tired to really anxious and hyper in the blink of an eye. And I stay in these "moods" for hours.  I am rarely ever happy.  Never truly happy.  What is up with me? I hate being this way.  I hate being fake to everyone. I am not this happy person who has a perfect life and I'm sick of faking it.  I'm sick of playing June Cleaver. I love what I do, dont get me wrong, it's just that I am not HAPPY!!!!  EVER!!  Oh I feel so desperate.  See, when I started writing this I was depressed and tired, now I'm anxious and wired.  When will this stop? Will I be this way forever? I wish I could take my own advice right now. But I can't.  I feel like nothing can help me. I feel like a burden to everyone.  I am and I know it. I feel like if Jesus came back right now I'd go straight to hell. But I'm not a bad person.  I just feel like I am.  I'm sorry this was so confusing. I know it is because I'm confusing myself.  I think I'll go take a sleeping pill and chill out before I do something crazy.  Or go crazy.  Thanks for listening, sorry this was so long.
"There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand, in this dry in weary land, there is hope for every man... Jesus is hope for every man"  -Casting Crowns


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/17/2008 5:31 AM (GMT -7)   

thirstyforchrist

Good Morning, morning is the magic word.  Please keep your committment to pick up that phone and call your physician today and find out what is going on with you.  You do, IMHO, need some professioanal advice and you were very upset last night.  Do not let the anxiety get so bad that you cannot function. 

Please seek help today and we will all be right here supporting you.

We are concerned about your welfare so please, hun, do follow through today and do this for you.  Remember you have anxiety, it does not have you.

Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~


lassieluv
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 6/17/2008 5:37 AM (GMT -7)   
I am new here, but when I read this I thought I had written it myself. I can relate to what you are feeling right now. I too have got what people call "got it made"; I in the process of buying my own home and have my cat to share it with. I basically have everything I need, and more. But these feelings of insecurity are relentless. I keep wondering what I have done wrong not to be able to enjoy my blessings and share with others. When I feel desperate and tearful my "friends" tell me I am being selfish and ungratefull and to just "snap ot of it". They don't understand I would just love to "snap out of it" but when these feeling of hopelesness wrap around me there is not much I can do about it. I get oh so tired and just want to be left alone but then I am afraid I have hurt someones's feelings by asking them to leave me alone.

You've got to realize you are not perfect. No one is - not even June Cleaver! Trying to be is putting yourself in a perfect place to be let down. You cannot always tend to everyone elses needs and ignore your own. I think maybe this is something you are putting on yourself.

Did you know depression can cause physical pain? What you are feeling with body aches could be attributed to this. I'm not a medical professional by any means so take what I say with a grain of salt. I also wonder, with your severe and at times rapid mood swings, if there might be a little bipolar issues going on. I only say this because I am bipolar and what we are feeling is so similar. Maybe one of the moderators could offer advice on this.

Last, but not least, you are NOT going straight to hell. God loves his children and wants us to be happy. It's hard to accept at times like this but remember, He never puts on us what we cannot bear with His help. I sometimes feel like my prayers are not being answered but I know they will be in His own time.

As my therapist tells me - "This, too, shall pass.".

Best Wishes to you.
Do not forget to entertain strangers for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels.  (Hebrews 13:2)


badfish
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 393
   Posted 6/17/2008 5:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey thirstyforchrist, kitt is as usual 100% rite. You sound exactly like me before i started taking meds. Seek help and hopefully you'l be begin to enjoy life again.

Sometimes getting some sleep can things seem bearable.

Badfish
 


thirstyforchrist
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 6/17/2008 7:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey yall. Thanks for all the support and advice. It's so good to know I'm not alone in this. Thank you all for the advice. I am making an app today so hopefully I'll get my meds switched or something.
Lassie, I have always thought that maybe I was a little bipolar. But I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which I think accounts for the mood swings. I don't really know. And I also think that maybe all my physical pain is coming from the depression. Thanks for sharing your story. And I love your signature too! I'm not really that awake right now so I'm gonna go get me some coffee so I can function. Love to all!!!
"There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand, in this dry in weary land, there is hope for every man... Jesus is hope for every man"  -Casting Crowns


thirstyforchrist
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 6/17/2008 7:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes I noticed the moon last night when I went out to my car to get my notebook. I think that has alot to do with my moods. (I had my son on a new moon) Good luck with your dental work. I hate that dentist. Gives me the heebyjeebies to even think about that.
"There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand, in this dry in weary land, there is hope for every man... Jesus is hope for every man"  -Casting Crowns


thirstyforchrist
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 6/17/2008 10:40 AM (GMT -7)   
I have made a doc app for monday so hopefully I'll get some better meds or something. Thanks for being there for me!! LOVE AND HUGS!!!!
"There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand, in this dry in weary land, there is hope for every man... Jesus is hope for every man"  -Casting Crowns


harlan
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 6/17/2008 11:07 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey TFC....I'm so glad to hear you made an appointment.  Just curious if it's with your primary care doc or if you found a psychiatrist.  I like my primary care doc but when it comes to my brain, I try to avoid him if I can since that's not his specialty.

Good luck with the doc and come back and let us know what they say. 

I really don't know what to tell you because in a sense I'm feeling the same way.  I'm sad and why?  I have a nice home, nice things, good husband, good-paying job, a pretty good life.  Yet, I'm sad.  Of course, I have this "friend" I've been dealing with so that's part of my problem.  I wonder if you're sad because you don't feel like you're pleasing your husband.  You mentioned the eating disorder and your husband telling you that you're too skinny.  I wonder if deep down, you know you have something going on but you can't fix it.  Maybe you're afraid you'll run your husband off?  Can you have a heart-to-heart with him about everything going on?  I used to be so afraid that I was going to do something stupid to run my husband off.  I wanted to please him so bad that I would do anything.  I'm still that way to an extent....

 


thirstyforchrist
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 6/17/2008 12:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey harlan, yeah I've tried to talk to him but he gets frustrated with me because he doesn't understand that I just want him to listen and not try and fix it. He's a fixer. And I try so hard to not put those burdens on him but I need him. That's part of the reason I'm writing here so much. He is stressed anyway about his work and he is the only one bringing in the bacon. I just cook it. (literaly) So anyway I wish he could understand and help but he cant. That does make me very sad.
"There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand, in this dry in weary land, there is hope for every man... Jesus is hope for every man"  -Casting Crowns


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 6/17/2008 6:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, TFC! Bravo to you for making that appointment. It always makes me feel a little bit better to know that someone else will be on my side and in the know soon.

Do try not to let those guilty feelings get to you. It's hard enough to deal with the sadness, let alone feeling guilty for feeling sad. What you're feeling is genuine; it's nothing you're controlling or causing, and so it's nothing you need to take on any guilt about.

I know it's hard when you feel like you're letting other people down. I often have much higher expectations for myself than folks around me do, though, and maybe it's the same for you. Even if you are letting someone down, you're not doing it deliberately, and you are taking steps to try to keep it from happening often. That's the most we can ask of ourselves sometimes.

Slowly, baby step after baby step, we'll make it to a higher point. It takes a ton of patience - at least for me.

Hugs and prayers,
percycat

greyhound
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 277
   Posted 6/18/2008 2:07 AM (GMT -7)   
You will be in my prayers. God bless you.
Adopt a retired racing greyhound

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