This has really been a rough week or more for me
I have just gone thru dad's second mth anni of his death and Cait went thru a big meltdown as well
I have broken up completely with Howie I cannot live like strangers anymore I am so lonely
My 34 yr old son sprung it on me just a couple of days ago he is leaving for Alberta..( left at 3:30 ) this am and my GK"S will be with the DIL from Hades..........
An hour plus away from me .
I will not get to see them at all due to the fact I will not let her have what she wants from me and that is my pain meds ..........
They came last night and again I have been crying for days
Over many things
I feel I am not able to be helping others.......... or that I am no helping others
I am going to miss my son and GK's for sure I was so broken and I still am
So is Cait and that scares to really bad ........
yes she is very intellectual but
peer pressure is a big thing these days as we all know
What do you do when this happens ya know
Carry on and wear that "mask"
"There's a smile upon my face ............it's only there trying to fool the public
but when it comes down to fooling you
Now honey thats's quite a different subject
Dont let those glad experessions.......... give you the wrong impressions
I am SAD and I am hurting so bad ......
" Tears of A Clown" when there's no one around
I am so use the that "mask" when it comes to my family and my feelings anymore
Sick myself but I will get thru it
Jen ( DIL) and I did nto exchange one word.
I had to pay the gas for them to bring GK's for me to say goodbye..........
THats really bothered me as well
NOT the money thing but basically having to PAY to see them ya know.
After they left.......and I told Cat go to her friends for the night
I got my hot milk and I went up to bed and laid curled up in a fetal position just bawaling my face off
I KNOW there are so many others right now worse off then I and I am just needing to get this off my chest ......
I dont want pity at any cost
I just know you's all should know me well enough by now to know I am STRONGER than this
and I dont like feeling the vulnerability I am .........
Anyways thanks for listening
You need not reply .....
Like I said I had to get it out
DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD