Came to the realization (very painful)

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Sydnee10
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Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 6/22/2008 10:11 AM (GMT -7)   
That it is a possibility my Biological Mother had a Nervous breakdown whilst Pregnant with me.She had Anxiety,Depression,was almost in hysterical state once and was Prescribed Valium.
 
I don't think anyone in my Family knew for she carried the burdens alone.She didn't want my Father to know what her Mother and few Family members were doing to her.
 
My Mother was torn and grieved by her Mother,her Mother's Sister and one of her own Sister's.They didn't want my Parents together and did everything in their power to split them up.
 
My Mother's Mother said horrible things about me to my Mother before I was born.
 
She died at age 29 (1 Week and 4 Day's after my Birth) from a Pulmonary Embolism,but also from grief and heartbreak.
 
Karma is a b*itch and what goes around comes around.The Sister who was part of the team that set out to destroy has 2 Son's that won't speak to her and she has nothing to show for all her Years of hard work.Her Health has greatly suffered too.
 
She won't admit what they did or take responsibility for her actions and continues to blame my late Dad and his Family for killing my Mother.Whatever!
 
It hurts me very much that my Mother suffered when all she wanted was to make a Family and Future life with the Man she loved.
 
I'm not angry nor do I question God for taking my Mother.I think she accomplished what she was born to do in this life and that was to bring me in the World.
 
I think she did a wonderful job as did my late Grandmother and Step-Mother who stepped in her place.I like to think I turned out well and I know my Mother would be pleased.
 
 
 
 
 


stkitt
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Date Joined Apr 2007
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   Posted 6/22/2008 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Sydnee,

I feel your sorrow and I can identify with what you went through too. My biological Mother was killed in a car accident when I was 18 months old.  My Dad never got over the accident as he was in the car also but someone else was driving.

We went and lived with my Dad's Mom who was an angel on earth but she was elderly.  I loved her dearly.  When I was 5 my Dad remarried and my stepmom for many reasons was not a warm and caring Mother.  She was very verablly abusive as well as a functional alocholic. However on her behalf when I had my children she accepted them as her grandchildren.  It was me she could not love unconditionally.

My therapist explained to me that I was a daughter without a Mother and that set my values when I was young.

I know now that I am ok and I believe that my real Mom would look down and be very proud of me and if she could she would never have left me.

I am sure your Mom would be extremely proud of you and how well you are recognizing your own issues and validating who you really are and that you are a good person.

Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
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Sydnee10
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Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 6/22/2008 8:07 PM (GMT -7)   

Mary,

They sure do especially when it's uncalled for.Though I wish I knew my Mother I do OK because there is nothing I can do to bring her back.Oh yes she listened to the mean things that were said about me.They hurt her very much and she knew her Mother would never accept me (she didn't).I saw the Woman twice.Both times at Great-Aunt's Funerals.The last time we had contact was in '85.She died Halloween '90.I say the Witches came and got her.She didn't have an easy or pain free death.


 


percycat
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Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 6/22/2008 8:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Sydnee,

How tragic! It's so sad that your mother suffered and was mistreated for seeking happiness and a family of her own. I'm so glad your father and his family were able to raise you with love and belongingness.

Love,
percycat

Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 6/22/2008 8:23 PM (GMT -7)   
(((((((((Kitt)))))))))
I'm very sorry to read you that you too lost your Mother at a very young age.It is a permanent void that will never be filled,but we have to make the most of what is left.
Even if your Father hadn't been in the Car when your Mother was killed,I don't imagine he would have ever gotten over it.
It was all my Dad could do to get out of Bed and go to Work.He had to because he had me to provide and care for.
My Mother was the love of his life and a part of Dad died with her.I can't begin to imagine the grief and pain he carried until they were together again.They being together and this time no one can separate them is the only thing that brings me comfort with Dad's death.
I had a Grandmother who was an Angel on Earth.She was 55 1/2 soon 56 when I was born.She had no hesitations to bring me Home and care for me.
I believe with all my Heart that I was the Baby she and my Grandfather lost.Their Baby was returned to them only in the form of a Granddaughter.
When I was a few Month's old,Dad remarried to a Woman with a Daughter 1 Week older,however the Marriage didn't work.He then remarried 3 Month's shy of my 3rd Birthday to a beautiful Woman.Their Marriage lasted until her death in '03.
I feel blessed that God sent 2 
virtuous Women to stand in my Mother's stead.I couldn't ask for better.
Am very sorry your Step-Mother treated you unwell.Wonder why she accepted your Children as her Grandchildren,yet was Abusive towards you?Did she have Children of her own when your Father Married her.Am sorry if this is a painful question.I mean well.
I don't personally know you,but you seem to be a very kind and thoughtful Woman and your Mother would be very pleased how well you turned out.
God won't put on us more than we can handle.We our survivors and have the strength inside ourselves to overcome whatever is slung our way.
Hugs,
Sydnee


 


Sydnee10
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Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 6/22/2008 8:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Percy,
It's been rough and more so the older I get.I want so much to know my Mother's personality,sense of humor,sound of her voice,laugh,her smell,feel and touch.I'm stuck with hearing stories of her and it isn't the same as knowing her for myself.
All I can figure why she was mistreated is:She was the last of her Siblings at Home and took care of my Grandfather and the House whilst her Mother worked.Her Mother was losing her maid and slave.
It pi$$es me off to hear my surviving Aunt or the rest of my Family to talk of her as if she were a Saint.
My Father,Papa,Grandmother and Step-Mother were wonderful and I feel blessed they were part of my life.
 

 


nervymeg
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 6/22/2008 8:56 PM (GMT -7)   

Sydnee,

That is so tragic, I am sorry that you lost the chance to get to know your mother, that is something we should all have. It shows what a wonderful person you are that you don't feel anger, but acceptance. I don't know if I could do that. Kudos to you, and again, I sorry that you have had to go through this.


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Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/23/2008 8:11 AM (GMT -7)   
I never lost Mom at an early age I was 52 she went after a battle with Alzheimer's and pnuemonia just 2 plus yrs ago..March 20th 2006

My dad bless his soul looked after her with me for many yrs til he too got the same thing and cancer.....
His death is fresh in my heart and mind ...April 17th 2008

He went downhill quickly from a broken heart I truly believe and I am glad they are finally together.......

I as the members all know am fighting with siblings over the whole thing and estate ........
I just want mom and dad to rest their weary souls and enjoy wherever they are together........

It is difficult for sure to lose a parent especially when so young..........
I am so sorry for all you have gone thru ........LYN


  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
         Be Well All and Stay With Us We are Here To Help
                               LYN 
   
 
                   
 

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 6/23/2008 9:19:56 AM (GMT-6)


Sydnee10
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Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 6/23/2008 8:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Lyn,
I am very sorry your fighting Siblings over the Estate.Am going through the very same thing except with Dad's Sister and a Sister in-law.
Since my Father's death soon 17 Month's ago,life has been very stressful.I'm having to adjust without my immediate Family,have yet to grieve the loss of my Father and having to contend with the 2 mentioned Sows.
Due to Agoraphobia and the inability to get out my late Father appointed his Sister in-law as "head Executor" of his Estate and appointed his Sister "second in line" to tend to his final affairs.
The both of them have done so many shady things it's unbelievable!They've sold and given away personal possessions they weren't supposed to sell or give away.
 
My Aunt sold my Father's Vehicle right out from under me when my name was affixed on the Title with she and Dad's name.
 
She sold Dad's big Screen to his Woman Friend.They withheld a Key to his Home.When I finally received a Key they sneakily changed the locks and didn't give me a new Key.
 
I won't get into the Life Insurance,checks Aunt wrote from his account after his death when I was sole POD or she buying items for me that I didn't ask then asking to be reimbursed from Dad's Estate.
 
His Sister in-law did not deserve the appointment to begin with.She screwed my Father over on a Note at the Bank.He almost lost his Home (they did repossess his Vehicle) then he had to file Bankrupt.She stole Cattle my Father owned free and clear then sold and pocketed the Money.
 
I met with my Attorney Friday Afternoon and signed Papers to remove the Sister in-law as Executor and to file Embezzlement charges against her.
 
In a couple of Weeks there is a Hearing to determine the sell of his Estate.This is a very rough time because it will be final..done..over..
 


 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/23/2008 8:41 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry
Yes I do know the horrors of what you are going thru to some extent
I too am going thru some of the same

I want them all just to let mom and dad rest..

GIVE them that much respect even though when alive they didnt ....
They can sure try now IMHO

Good luck with all you are dealing with

LYN

Keep us posted
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
         Be Well All and Stay With Us We are Here To Help
                               LYN 
   
 
                   
 


Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 6/23/2008 8:48 AM (GMT -7)   

Lyn,

I'm the only Heir Dad had and to think those two are acting like these are their things.This is really not a matter of Money or material possessions,it IS my Future without my Family.It is also a means for me to survive until I can finish my Education and provide for myself.

My Father died an unrestful death and getting wrongdoings done against him taken care of is the last thing I can do for him.I WILL see to it that justice is served so Dad can rest in peace.


 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/23/2008 9:24 AM (GMT -7)   
HUn
For me it is not money nor material things either
I dont like what my siblings are and have done with both parents

I looked after mom for more than 10 yrs and I did it out OF LOVE and I know I had promised her there was no way in hades I would put her in a home
Dad was with me here when I came down severly ill with pnuemonia and I had to place him in hospital..
He got ill there was a DNR.my sister went agaisnt it so did the doc
I had to finally go to a lawyer and take care of all that on the day he was taken off machines ...he NEVER wanted them
That ripped me apart........and still does........
I do feel your anguish I really do
BE strong
LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
         Be Well All and Stay With Us We are Here To Help
                               LYN 
   
 
                   
 


Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 6/23/2008 11:22 PM (GMT -7)   

Nervymeg,

Thank you.When I was younger,I felt shortchanged and cheated,but I came to accept that it was meant to be this way.I may not understand why now,but I eventually will.I'm sad and it hurts very much that my Mother suffered to have a Family and then couldn't stay to enjoy.



 

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