Warning:I'm VERY angry!May be trigger for some

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 6/22/2008 9:37 PM (GMT -7)   
I apologize beforehand if my post makes anyone feel uncomfortable,it isn't my intent to cause pain.I just need to vent coz I am really MAD!
 
Though my Sister Friend and I aren't Blood related,I think of her as the big Sister I no longer have.What hurts her hurts me.
 
She has been sick past couple of Day's.She has a Liver Disease that occasionally makes her Liver quiver and Abdomen fill with Fluid.When this happens it presses against her Diaphragm and Spine making it difficult to breathe and causing her Back to hurt.
 
Anyway she told me her Husband (who is a LOSER from LOOSERVILLE) came in from Work few Mornings ago and helped himself to sex whilst she was sleeping and bloated like a 9 Month Pregnant Woman ready to deliver an Elephant.
 
She told me it's her Wifely duties.I told her NO it's NOT!He violated her and to me it's Rape.
 
He has ED,so sex is on HIS terms,it's the same position everytime,it is always about pleasing him( EDIT)  when he doesn't enjoy to begin with and he won't go to Doctor and get help for his "problem".
 
She told me knowing he can't perform.Most of the time he does this 20 minutes before he leaves for Work.
 
I don't know why she would want him to touch her,but then I also understand she  
He doesn't help out around the House (pay bills,make repairs etc).He has now decided if he writes tons of hot Checks he won't have to give her Money to pay Bills.
 
He goes 4 Day's at a time without bathing,she told me his Underwear is filthy (he doesn't change everyday,but changes those Socks),he doesn't Brush his Teeth (and when he does he uses HER Toothbrush).I gave her a new Toothbrush that she hides in the other Bathroom.
 
He hates her Kids and Grandkids and doesn't want them over..he snaps and is hateful towards all of them..all he does is work 8 hours per Night in a cool environment at a sit down job,but sleeps all Day including his Day's off.He is one of these "lay in Bed and watch Television" types.
 
I have done everything even pleaded and begged she kick him out and file for Divorce.She told me she will in her own timing and she can't live with guilt.If she kicks him out right now she will sink financially (she is anyway).
 
I am SO MAD,I could walk over there and 
YOU get the picture........
 
Hun
Due to the fact we have 13 yr olds on this site I had to edit some of your post......
If you need an explanation as to why in more detail plz do email me okay
 
Thanks .LYN
 
 

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 6/23/2008 6:29:57 AM (GMT-6)


dejavu
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 6/22/2008 11:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sydnee ,

It is good to vent all this out , I truly feel for you and understand your anger , It is so hard seeing someone we love getting hurt .

The best thing you can do is to be supportive of your sis , in whatever decision she takes .

Help her to organise herself to be financially independant and secure , so that divorcing him will seem like a strong possibility , many ladies who have been in similar positions have managed to seperate , she still needs time , but it will happen . Couples are complex , maybe she still has a hope he will change his attitude , it is not at all easy to admit that a partner we have chosen and loved is a no no . it feels as if we are such a failure .

Be there for her . we are here to support you in this .

take care dejavu
the sun is always there, yet we cannot always see it ...


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/23/2008 5:33 AM (GMT -7)   
HI there
I think you are right in being upset for her and
I am glad you are there for her
I would not wish this on anyone either
dejavue has some good ideas up ther for her
I think she would be much better w/o having to deal with this

Know we are here for you and I am glad you vented I really am
I think you will understand my reason behind the edit with the young ones we have on the forum

Take care and keep us posted on how she makes out and
HOW you are doing

LYN


  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
         Be Well All and Stay With Us We are Here To Help
                               LYN 
   
 
                   
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/23/2008 6:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Morning Sydnee,
 
I would like you to check into all the safe houses in your area for abused women.  That could be one of the best things you can do for your friend right now.  Find out where the safe homes  are and then talk  to your friend and get her to go to one where she will be safe.
 
I had a friend whose husband abused her in a very similiar way and she packed up her bags and her daughter and moved to a safe house.  Also your friend can get a restraining order against this horrible husband. My friend divorced her daughter and she made it. 
 
No one deserves to be treated this way and yet victims are hard to convince they are better off out of harms way then staying in the abusive situation.
My  best advice is to stay calm and in control and work with yur friend to get her out of the unsafe environment.
 
Crisis Hotline Number: National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE
Take care and Hugs to both you and your Sister Friend.
 
Kitt
 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/23/2008 6:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Lil sis
I am glad I have the "American Connection"

We have safe houses here in Ontario too but I am never sure where ppl hail from even ( if / do) looked in profile ......

GREAT INPUT from Kitt ..............Big sis
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
         Be Well All and Stay With Us We are Here To Help
                               LYN 
   
 
                   
 


peacesoul
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 6/23/2008 7:16 AM (GMT -7)   
First off, it sounds like her husband is suffereing his own hell of maybe depression. Most people who are mentally well do not go days w/out bathing. Nor do they "rape" their partners.

I wouldn't care if I had to beg for food and rent, I would not be with anyone who violates me like that. Hopefully your friend gets fed up enough and leaves this guy. Your friend is not a victim, but a participant b/c she does stay. She gets something out of it. Hard to hear, but it's the truth. Anyone who loved/respected themselves would not put up with abuse.

Vulnerable people stay in abusive/dyfunctional relationships for all sorts of reasons. You friend should get some therapy to work on herself in order to get strong enough to leave him. My best friend was with an abusive man and when she got help, she left him FINALLY. Everyone in her life was so happy.
The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong in the broken places
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/23/2008 8:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Peacesoul

VERY true and VERY well said
Thanks you

I have to say I think that is spot on
Why would he go that long w/o a bath

I know I stayed in a verbally abusive relationship and he was a control freak really bad for out of the FEAR of being on my own,living w/o a man ??? WHY
I think that is a factor for many woman and men as well IMHO
ONCE I got out on my own with Cait I did awesome bought a Retirement home and I have never looked back .........

Luvs
LYN.
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
         Be Well All and Stay With Us We are Here To Help
                               LYN 
   
 
                   
 


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 6/23/2008 9:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Sydnee,

Such exploitation - especially of a partner in a supposedly loving relationship - is unacceptable, and I understand your anger. Hey, I'm even angry now too. It's not just a violation of her body, but of her trust.

I'm with the others in encouraging her to seek counseling, tracking down resource numbers and keeping them handy yourself until she's ready for them, and loving her unconditionally as her sister friend. Clearly, she has no unconditional love right now -- heck, she doesn't seem to have any type of love right now from her husband.

I know some people struggle with the idea of divorce on moral or religious grounds. Arguing right back on those same grounds, when we allow ourselves to be abused and our humanity denied, we are allowing that to happen to the Image that Christians believe we're made in. Or more secularly, if we believe it's wrong for someone to do such things to a stranger, isn't it then also when we allow it to happen to ourselves?

I wish your friend much strength, and I wish you strength also, wisdom, and compassion. She'll need your support very much.

percycat

Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 6/23/2008 11:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Dejavu,
I love and care about her very much,however get frustrated because she complains to me and her other Friends about her sufferings and situation,yet won't do anything to change it.
I'm going to explain the best I can about what is going on.
Latter 2005 she met a Man from another Country on the internet.She forked out a ton of Money (Air-fare,gave him extra Money to buy things he would need for his visit,paid all fees for wiring papers/documents and he helped himself to her Credit Card) so he could come for a visit.
When he went for his first Visa interview the Consular Officer denied him a Tourist Visa because he didn't produce enough documentation that proved ties to his Homeland and would return after the length of his stay.
The CO gave him a second interview appointment.Before he returned a vicious Australian Woman who the Guy angered "dobbed" him in to the US Embassy,so when he returned the CO stamped denied.
Since he couldn't come to US my Sister Friend bought fare for the both of them to meet in Canada.On his way to Canada instead of getting a Transit Visa to enter US he decided to stay in Australia and have a little Holiday (on my Sister's Money) with a Woman he met before my Sister.
Because of the debt he placed her in she had to remortgaged both her Homes and Vehicle.Having to pay Mortgage and a Car payment she did not previously have makes it very hard to pay Utilities,buy Food and other necessities.
Early 2005 she met a Man on the Internet from another State.They chit-chatted,exchanged Music and spent a lot of time together.After awhile they began having deeper feelings for each other,but ran for being scared.
She met her current Husband a little later and ran straight into his Arms and now has found herself in a much deeper mess.
She is taking all this crap from him because she is hoping he will get her out of the financial mess that another Man placed her in.
He walked and abandoned her latter September.When he left she took off for the Guy she ran from.She stayed 1 Month and returned here and she and her Husband went back together.She and the Man from another State are going at it and preparing to be together again secretly behind her Husband's Back.
 
 
 
 

 


peacesoul
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 6/24/2008 4:49 AM (GMT -7)   
ahhh Sydnee, I feel so bad for your friend. There's a saying that goes "The need for love makes you easy pray"
Your friend is stuck in a very self destructive place. You cannot force her to change, all you can do is give her all your love. BUT, if this frienship is going to make you unwell and you feel toxic from it, you may have to step away.

Would your friend be up for therapy?
The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong in the broken places
 

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, December 10, 2016 12:01 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,735,767 posts in 301,329 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151433 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, teenujohn.
197 Guest(s), 5 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Georgia Hunter, msOuchie, holo100, joavila92, julymorning


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer