Books about unhealthy relationships

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percycat
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Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 6/23/2008 9:35 AM (GMT -7)   
 
All,
 
Since we've been having so many threads about difficult relationships recently, I searched my personal library and relocated the books that have helped me most.  I was involved in two extremely dysfunctional relationships in my younger days.  Both partners turned out to be horrifically narcissistic although I was too naive and trusting at the time to recognize that the problems were THEIRS, not mine.  I was traumatized and in a certain sense destroyed by remaining in these relationships even for the short time I did (4 and 5 months respectively).
 
Only recently have I begun to understand the dynamics of those involvements, thanks initially to a couple of books:
 
The Verbally Abusive Relationship - every case study sounded exactly like me, but I wouldn't have said I was being abused at the time.
 
When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong - this one also had on-the-mark case studies, and it helped me to see why I'd been "suckered in" by these creeps.
 
I'm still angry about it, after nearly 20 years in one case, and I get mad when I read about others here who have some similar things going on.  I'm not trying to diagnose anyone else's relationships, but if you or a friend are in a bad one, you might find help and understanding through such books.
 
percycat

harlan
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Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 108
   Posted 6/23/2008 9:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for posting this, percycat. You're a sweetie!

nervymeg
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 6/23/2008 6:36 PM (GMT -7)   

Percy,

I've read some books on abusive relationships too. I've had many abusive relationships, starting with my father, the pattern being repeated with every guy I met for about the next 20 years. I was just attracted to men who put me down, where narcissistic (oh yeah) and physically and verbally abusive. I even married one! So Dumb! It can be so incredibly damaging can't it? I've only just broken the pattern with my current partner, who couldn't hurt a fly, much less yell at it. In fact I caught him apologising to a spider the other day for stepping on it. Bless!

I hope these books can help you get over some of your anger sweet percy. Hugs


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percycat
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Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 6/23/2008 6:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Meg,

Yes, I'm with the sweetest, most compassionate guy imaginable now and I feel very fortunate to have him in my life. I just want to toss away some of my old baggage so that we won't have so much of it to stumble over in our relationship. :) My therapist helps me out a lot too.

I'm glad you've got such a lovely guy in your life too.

percycat

Sydnee10
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Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 6/25/2008 1:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Percy,
Thank you very much.In January,I ended a 26 Month Relationship with an Emotionally Abusive Man.I didn't take any crap from him,but couldn't continue tolerating his insensitivity,mistreatment and Abuse.He was a tyrant!

 


stkitt
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Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/25/2008 2:40 PM (GMT -7)   

Another favorite book of mine:

The Grief Club
The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change
~Melody Beattie~

The Grief Club is Melody Beattie's profoundly personal, powerfully healing book to help readers through life's most difficult times. Part memoir, part self-help book, part journalism, The Grief Club is a book of stories bound together by the human experience of loss in its many forms such as death, divorce, drug addiction, and the tumultuous yet tender process of recovery. It's a book you need to read and share.

Yes you can order it from Amazon right here on HW.

Hugs to all

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
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http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
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nervymeg
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 6/25/2008 7:34 PM (GMT -7)   

Percy, it makes all the difference in the world to have the right guy, I am so happy you have found the right one..

Sydnee, I am so glad you left Mr Abusive, you deserve the very best, don't forget it!!

Kitt, thank you I'll go hassle my library to get that in! Hugs


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Sydnee10
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Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 6/25/2008 7:58 PM (GMT -7)   

Nervymeg,

I made the BEST decision of my life!Am very happy since leaving him.I wouldn't have him back if he were last Man on face of Planet Earth!We ALL deserve the best life has to offer..



 


itsokay
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 6/26/2008 1:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Yay for leaving the bad behind!

I read the book, "When your perfect lover goes perfectly wrong."

That one was so spot-on to my last relationship that nearly every sentence is underlined... It's eery how the narcissists all do the same things, even use the same words.

A funny thing was that I went to a group for survivors of abusive relationships. Wasn;t actually funny, but really odd because as all the ladies talked, I heard each them quote things their abusing men had said, and the exact same phrases they quoted were ones my ex had said to me, many times. Is there some narcissist desk calendar with "Abusive thing to say of the day"

I couldn't stay in that group, though. I felt misled because everyone but me and one other woman were still with their guys. It really triggered me to hear about women still in the relationship, trying to working out, having some progress, etc. It made me miss him and after each meeting I'd be torn up with missing him and wanting to call him, and knowing that he would destroy me if I did not stay away. Made me really really miserable. The counselor kept telling me I HAD to come explain to the group, and I said, "Did you hear me say that I get suicidal thoughts after each session? How about you tell them why I'm not coming back."

thirstyforchrist
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 6/26/2008 7:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Percycat,
Thanks for posting this. I will go to the library and see if they have these books. I think I am where you were years ago. I need all the help and advise I can get. Thanks again!
"There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand, in this dry in weary land, there is hope for every man... Jesus is hope for every man"  -Casting Crowns

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