Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 7/1/2008 10:01:13 AM (GMT-6)
Hey there! I am so sorry to hear about what happened. I was wondering why I hadn't seen you on the forum lately.
Is the BF getting professional help or therapy of some sort? Sounds like he may need to talk to someone.
If he is texting someone telling them they are a hottie, you don't need him! I would be wondering what else they are saying or doing. If he wanted to be nice to her, he could have told her something like "it was nice meeting you" and not "you are a hottie". Why did he text her in the first place? Something doesn't smell right....
If he's ignoring you when you ask for medical help, that's another sign he needs to go.
And if he has a habit of lying about things, even though they don't hurt you, the potential is there for him to lie about something that may someday hurt you. I would hate for that to happen.
Do you have any family closeby that you can stay with? I am curious to see Thirstyforchrist's comments here because I think there are some similarities here. It's good that your mom is coming. Does she like the BF?
Hang in there and come back and let us know what's going on.
Gosh, I'm coming over with Percy to give you some big hugs. What a terrible thing to go through. I know what it's like to have a partner who has panic attacks as well, you just feel so..helpless. Neverthless, he has lied and he has treated you unkindly and you just don't deserve that.
Relationships. Arrgh! They are so much drama, so much hard work! I try not to give advice in these situations because I'm not able to see if he truly makes you happy or not. All I see at the moment is you both being upset and it affecting your health. Take care of you first sweetie, number one priority. Make sure you are safe. If this is toxic then step away.
I am glad you have support from friends and you mum. Take advantage of that ok. They love you and so does your HW family.
I am so sorry and yes you need someone to give you a hug. I am so glad you have a Mother that would come to your side.
I read your post very carefully and IMHO you and this person are not a good match, I think perhaps you know that but you are so afraid of being alone that you are acting out and the two of you are so alike he acts out too.
Sweetie, first of all start to let go of him, he is toxic for you and I am not judging you, just observing what I see in your post. You are both playing games. I think it would be good if you worked with your therapist on your self esteem and also I have to say this, if I had a man in my life that treated me as he has treated you I would kick him to the curb in a New York minute.
I really did not see any respect or caring on his side toward you. I feel you might also be in love with love, not with him.
You have so much to work out and perhaps your sons Father left you and this is why you have lost all your confidence. You can get it back.
People who have poor self-esteem tend to focus on and magnify their perceived shortcomings, and ignore their strengths and achievements. It's like looking into the mirror and seeing a warped picture - a bit like the ones at fun parks that make you look distorted - completely blowing reality out of proportion.
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression *~*
I am so sorry that Mom is not able to be more supportive and please don't take to heart the comments about your house. Niether your Mom or sister has been living your life. Invite your sister to grab a broom and help you get things cleaned up instead of yakking at you.
I have been down your road, I promise as I got married the first time at 17 but had 3 children. My Mom and Dad came to our house (100 miles from their home) once a month and my Mother always took over and rearranged my kitchen drawers etc.
I gave up and let her..............so my forks are not in nice neat rows, I knew where they were but as she only had one child to raise, me, and never worked outside the home she knew best.........LOL.
Did we fight? My Mom and I were like oil and water. I knew no matter how hard I tried I could never do it good enough to suit her, yet I never learned to quit trying. There is that old insecurity of wanting to please others and sacrificing our own self esteem.
You will make it and while your Mom is here maybe you can take some time to make a list of your priorities and see what she thinks.
Let the snide remarks go by and remember what she says can't hurt you if you don't let it.
I am proud of you and I know you are still in shock over this whole situation so give yourself a break, no beating yourself up and know I am here for you. I understand anxiety very well.
Post Edited (machelle) : 6/28/2008 7:35:12 PM (GMT-6)
I know that pain, he's an (insert favoured word) but you still love him. That just proves what an amazing person you are. You are right to let him go, but it's still okay to mourn what you had, what could have been if he wasn't (insert word) and to care about what happens for him next. Just know that it isn't your responsibility anymore. Take care of you, and congrats! You are one strong lady
I am going to post a list of assertive rights you have.............now these are just FYI and a good read ok. I am not saying you must change yourself or am I judging you. I found it very helpful for myself to practice some of these techniques as I was frequently overwhelmed and yet I could never stand up for myself. I have learned a lot and not I am more assertive.
Ten assertive rights of an individual
Assertive Right #1: I have the right to judge my own behavior, thoughts, and emotions and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequence. The behavior of others may have an impact upon me, but I determine how I choose to react and/or deal with each situation. I alone have the power to judge and modify my thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Others may influence my decision, but the final choice is mine.
Assertive Right #2: I have the right to offer neither reason nor excuse to justify my behavior.
Assertive Right #3: I have the right to judge whether I am responsible for finding solutions to others' problems.
Assertive Right #4: I have the right to change my mind.
Assertive Right #5: I have the right to say, ``I don't know.'
Assertive Right #6:
Assertive Right #7: I have the right to be independent of the good will of others before coping with them.
Assertive Right #8: I have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
Assertive Right #9: I have the right to say, ``I don't understand.''
Assertive Right #10: I have the right to say, ``I don't care.'
Gentle Hugs to you.
Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 7/1/2008 10:44:57 AM (GMT-6)