boy its nice when

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machelle
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 491
   Posted 7/4/2008 10:09 AM (GMT -7)   
you have good days like i had yesterday i felt normal wasn't stressed , relaxed, that happen very rare , i have dealing with alot lately, wondering wants wrong with me being able to make friends, i love to help people , my friends, but i know i kinda odd alittle withdrawn, i think its the way i grew up not feeling wanted by my mom, and when i needed her most she wasn't there and didn't want to be bothered,, i guess i am a mess a lost soul, sorry to sound low, but its like i wish i could stand on my own two feet and not care, and be stronger, but i am soft hearted and people in the past have taken advantage of that, like i have a friend and she is really mean sometimes and i take it, and i know she is poison for my life but why do i do this to myself. please help any advice

percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 7/4/2008 12:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Machelle,

I'm glad you had a good day yesterday.

It hurts when your compassion is interpreted as weakness by those around you. I think that's what happens often when we get taken advantage of because of our emotions. I guess a lot of us are societized into thinking that someone who is gentle and doesn't wnat to hurt or dirupt others must be a wekaling. And then we're "taught" by pop culture that it's ok to overlook them as a person. Think about all the TV comedies: the style of humor is very sharp, ascerbic, and if one character can't give back insults as snappily as the others, they're portrayed as the butt of the joke. With those kinds of examples sneakily around us, we forget that it's admirable to be caring and openhearted with people around us.

You just keep being you, and know that you are incredibly rare and precious. If you do need to pare someone toxic out ofyour life, try not to feel guilty. It's sad, yes, but you've done nothing wrong in setting a boundary, even though you wish you didn't have to.

Lots of love and hugs,
percycat

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/4/2008 1:13 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear machelle

Hello there sweetie.  The Kitt lady is here for you :) I am thrilled you had a good day yesterday, that is awesome and I wish every day could be a good day but alas it does not work that way for some of us.

We all want to be liked and respected. Most of us have an inborn trait to be kind and we do our best to help others in need. We are not dumb, we are kind to a fault sometimes.

The problem is that in our kindness and sharing we sometimes leave ourselves vulnerable to the nasty, selfish people who are only pretending to like us to satisfy their own agendas.

Take a good, hard look at this friend. Does she genuinely need your help, or is she using you due to an ulterior motive? You said she is "Poison".  She is not a safe person for you, may I suggest you loose this so called friend and get the poison out of your life.

A good friend is  one who is understanding, caring, and shows concerns for you and others.

What I  mean by understanding is that your friend will  know the feelings and thoughts of your  situation. Whenever you feel as if you  can not make it anymore and depression or anxiety has weighed you  down your good friend can  relate to how you feel. 

You will find a good friend, meantime you have all of us here.  Don't settle for someone who hurts you.  You are way to good to be treated in a bad way.

Many hugs
Kitt 


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~


machelle
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 491
   Posted 7/4/2008 6:02 PM (GMT -7)   
you guys are so great , i wish i lived close to have great people like you around, course i always have your kind ears to listen to me, i love to help when your in need too, i do need to end the friendship its been along time coming and other people say why do you take some of the things she does i think i am still looking for the good in her and i really don't think there ever was .

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 7/4/2008 8:03 PM (GMT -7)   

Machelle,

It is no fun to be sensitive and emotional, but it does have it's benefits too. We feel more pain, but we feel more love and all the other good things too. I am a big softie too and I get myself in major trouble by helping people out who don't give a rats about me all said and done. It's a hard habit to break, but it can be done. Have you read "when I say no I feel guilty". It is a great book and taught me how to tell people I just couldn't without wanting to go home and bang my head against something!

You are not IMHO a lost soul, but a sweet caring one. You just have to learn when to put up the boundaries. I wish you all the best, and I send you many, many hugs.
 
Meg
Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


Texan with Crohn's
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 7/6/2008 3:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt -

Wonderful words of wisdom. Sorry to invade this forum. Usually over in the CD forum. I have been feeling stressed so I wanted to pop over here. What you said about getting rid of "poison" friends is so very true. I have already done this in my life. This took some doing but once gone, leaving only those close that I know have my best interest at heart, I now have a great support group... not as great as my extended family here at HealingWell, but great nonetheless.

It's a shame that we cannot dump the "poison" people at work. Ever notice those are always dug in like ticks on a dog?? I figure it's just a test of endurance. Without the bad apples in the world there would be no good ones. Thank goodness for brown paper bags and anti-panic medications for those bad apples at work!! :-)

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/6/2008 7:54 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Leslie,

Hello, I just posted to your intro..............thank you for the comments and I too had to let go of the toxic people in my life, one who was suppose to be my friend for 20 years but I finally hit my turning point and thought no more.

It was hard but I let go and but I never looked back.  I finally figured out I needed to take care of me first or I would not be able to help anyone again.

You will find many wonderful and caring members here in the A & P Forum so please do make yourself at home.  We are happy to have you join us.

Gentle Hugs
Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

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