Percy (sweetie) I'm sorry this happened to you but please don't feel any guilt. You are certainly not responsible for what other people do or say. I know what you mean that you can feel "responsible by association" when someone you are with acts in a discriminatory manner. It can feel like it's your fault, but it REALLY isn't!
When this happens to me I challenge the person, always, even if they are my guest or I don't know them well. I say "that is offensive to me" and leave it at that. I say it very politely and do not try to shame the person for their beliefs, I just let them know I do not agree and find it offensive. Usually they apologise and we can discuss it. Often people are socialised into believing things discrimanatory without even knowing it.
I hope your friend can give you some tips around this too. Now now guilt ya hear?! We cannot change people, we can only educate them and let them make choices.
I am so sorry you had this incident today. When this new employee made this comment, a lot of people are going to think, 'How dare he say what he did ?"
You were kind to let your friend know how sad you felt about the bigot but do not blame yourself as you did not make the comment.
You may want to be assertive and tell Mark that he may benefit from a class in Diversity Training as there are many online classes or perhaps your company has a class offering. Now days this is often an automatic part of orientation to a new company. Your right, he may not have the maturity yet but he needs to learn it now if he is to succeed in the world today.
You are a wonderful friend and I think you will handle this to the best of your ability.
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression *~*
Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 7/12/2008 2:37:09 PM (GMT-6)
Post Edited (LifeChange) : 7/11/2008 4:29:04 PM (GMT-6)
I agree 100% with Judilyn. This Mark needs to be made aware that his comment was inappropriate. You cannot change his opinions but you can explain to him what his behavioral expectations are in the work environment.
Lyn has experienced the bigotry of a person who is intolerant of opinions, lifestyles, or identities differing from his or her own. I think her opinion is appreciated by all.
My Grandpa was a drunk and we lived on the "island" without indoor plumbing and every spring had to go stay with relatives on the mainland when the floods came. My Grnapa picked up his welfare check and went straight to bar to cash it and go on his "toot", be gone for days until one of his sons ( my Dad usually) had to hunt him down and bring him home. We lived with my Grandpa and Grandma as my birth Mother died when I was 18 months onld.
I guess I did not know enough to be embarassed as I had my Dad and he was an Angel . Everyone that lived on the island was on welfare but my Dad worked everyday and help take care of my Grandpa and Grandma and me of course.
My grandpa died of alcoholism...................how sad.
I am an advocate for many causes but I will be assertive and speak up, privately when someone is out of line.
So Percycat.................you did fine and big hugs to all.
Great input by all.