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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 7/14/2008 7:05 PM (GMT -6)   
hey all!  i have written in over a week since i got back from vacation.  I had a really good time on vacation.  My anxiety wasn't too bad.  I was really happy.  Then the day after I came back I had jury duty.  Usually not a big deal but before i knew it...i was picked to be on the jury.  That would be fine too was for a murder trial.  The guy already said he did it and we as the jury just had to determine to which degree.  Even though the trial was only 3 days long.....these were 3 very long days.  It didn't help ,as someone who fights to stay positive, to have to deal with all the negative stuff.  Basically the guy convicted basically snapped.  He may have planned it but we'll never know.  Anywho.....since the end of the trial I've had some anxiety.  I have an unrealistic fear of going crazy.  I'm afraid that one day I'll snap and this scares me sometimes.  I'm not an angry person.  I've never hit anyone, shot a gun, or even thought about any of this stuff so why do i fear it so much.  Why can't I just chill out?  I'm just trying to stay in the moment and pay attention to what I'm doing but every now and then my mind will stray...why can't i just live life and not worry.  I'm 27 and I don't want to plan a life with someone if I'm what they are stuck with for the rest of their life....and what about having kids.  I'm so stressed out.  And this is after vacation.  Grrrrr!!!

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40406
   Posted 7/14/2008 7:24 PM (GMT -6)   

Just try to relax. And know that you are not going to "snap"...

You are a wonderful kind and caring person, it is obvious. I think after having the murder on your mind, you associated it with something that got you thinking, what if I were to do that? But this person was sick in the head, a killer. He may have even planned to do it for some type of gain. You are not even close to being like that. So Please,,, relax knowing that you are a wonderful human being and that we all love you. You will be fine, I can feel it.

Hope that this helped some,
best wishes,
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 7/14/2008 10:47 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry that you are going through this, and I agree completely with karen.  Having to go through the jury duty put you under stress and brought some of the anxiety to the surface again.  I know when i get anxious, all the negative thoughts out there tend to find there way to me.  You are a good person, and you will not snap and do anything bad.  Just let the thoughts be there and try not to let them bother you too much...they are only thoughts.  I hope that this will pass for you quickly as I know how uncomfortable it can be. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 7/15/2008 7:14 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi there angelwings..

Relax - you are not gonna 'snap' - you are in control - you know about these things and you have skills to calm down when you need to...All these horrible things have happened to other people - not to You - Yay :-)

You have a wonderful life filled with great things like vacations, happiness, fun and laughter and people who love you...and this is what you need to tell yourself about starting to write down three good things that have happened to you at the end of each day - treat yourself to a little self indulgence - after all you deserve it eh :-)

Sista J.

Love All
Trust a Few
But Always paddle your own Canoe...

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 7/15/2008 1:29 PM (GMT -6)   
thank you so much for you kind words of encouragement.  I love this forum and all the wonderful people here.  I know we all have our own battles but there is no way to find support like I can here.  I feel so comfortable telling everyone how crazy I feel cause I know someone can relate and understands how I feel.  I have a great family and bf but they really don't understand what its like.  When I first found this forum I would just post every now and then when I was having a problem but lately I've been coming to this site alot more.  I've had anxiety for over 7 years so even though I'm only 27 I hope someone else can benefit from my experiences.  Again, thank you for your kind words. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 7/16/2008 8:08 PM (GMT -6)   


Jury duty..argh! How stressful. I think you did wonderful on your holiday, and I'm so proud of you. yeah

People who don't have anxiety/panic really can't understand what it's like (horrible) to live with it every day. But we sure do. Please feel free to post/vent/ask for support any time you need. We are all here to support each other and your successes are something we can all share (and those bad days too eyes )



Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 7/17/2008 1:30 PM (GMT -6)   

I'm so glad you had a great vacation. Try to keep dwelling on those positive thoughts, not the negatives.

Regarding just "snapping" and losing control of our emotions, I think what we see on TV or in the news gives us the impression that it can happen out of the blue, to anyone, even when they've been perfectly normal until then. However, I doubt that's the case. Even someone who in the heat of the moment lashes out and slaps someone and accidentally causes more extreme injuries is a person who does not have good anger management skills and has likely given signs of that already to those they're close to. Those who are deliberately violent show clearer indications beforehand. If you've never "snapped" before and your loved ones don't fear that you'll snap, that's a good sign that you won't, *ever*.

I think that even those of us with extreme anxiety are strongly conditioned not to physically injure other people. We're not going to lose that conditioning. You'll be fine; you're just anxious, but you're not going to become a danger.

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