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Paulos
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 201
   Posted 7/27/2008 2:56 PM (GMT -7)   
How's it going all... just thought I'd drop by... as usual I'm doing pretty horrid in the depression/anxiety/worry/ocd department... but trying not to whine about it. Hope Lyn's doing better too, hope you all are doing as good as you can be... man, I'm scared and I don't know why... depression is scary sometimes. Sometimes you just get to the point where you have said so much about your problems/etc that you eventually get so burnt out you just run out of things to say... all I can say is I'm off booze 42 days... and I'm aware to permanently stay off it, so that's really the only good thing...
"Make a joke and I will sigh, and you will laugh and I will cry. Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."-Loony from Rings of Power


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/27/2008 4:15 PM (GMT -7)   

Paulos, You have the power it takes to stay off the alcohol and now is the time to let loose with all your fury.  Kick the alcohol and the anxiety to the ground.  Practice staying in the moment and be proud of how far you have come.

Bless You,

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
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nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 7/27/2008 5:57 PM (GMT -7)   

Paulos,

I've missed you, I'm sorry to hear that things are still rough for you, but booting the booze is a powerful thing to do. If that is your one good thing then it's a really great thing. I am so proud of you, keep fighting this, keep posting. Stay strong. You are not alone.

Meg


Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 7/27/2008 9:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Paulos,

I understand how depression can just take everything out of you, to the point where you think it's too much trouble to speak, or type, your feelings one more time. It does feel like you're going round to the same stuff again and again without improvement. That's the nature of depression, and it's tough to fight.

Just letting us know you're out there is a positive step, and I am very proud of you for staying away from the alcohol for so long now. That's such a hard, hard battle to fight, and you're winning it.

Just take one day at a time, like they say. Getting out of depression's black hole doesn't happen like a bolt out of the blue - at least, it didn't for me. But trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other will slowly get you there, and someday, you'll look back and see what a long trail of footsteps you've created, leading toward the light that's sure to be there somewhere.

Take care. We love you!

percycat

Paulos
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 201
   Posted 7/28/2008 6:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks percy, skitt and nerv... I feel kind of helpless in the real world I'll tell you that... I just ... I just want all these bad feelings to LEAVE ME ALONE... :(
"Make a joke and I will sigh, and you will laugh and I will cry. Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."-Loony from Rings of Power


thirstyforchrist
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 7/28/2008 9:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Paulos,
You are doing so good with the not drinking. I am very proud of you and I know how hard it is to stop an addiction. I also know how it feels to be burnt out on all your problems. When I get this way I just have to have an adventure. So is there anything you love to do? Or that you used to love but dont do anymore. (not addictions) I like doing crafty stuff, I wouldn't call it art because it's not that great but when I do it I amaze myself. I look at the finished product and think "wow, did I do that?" So find something that makes you happy and do it. Try and create some good memories to go on. Have some fun. Watch a comedy. I like all the goofy stuff my husband makes me watch. Try watching Accepted or Bruce Allmighty, those always have me in stiches. Even when I dont want to laugh. Hang in there. You will get through this. And we are all here for you, dont ever forget that!!! Love to you!
Rachel
"There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand, in this dry in weary land, there is hope for every man... Jesus is hope for every man"  -Casting Crowns


Marie-Claire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 7/29/2008 6:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Paulos... Hi , I'm Mary... I don't think I've had the pleasure of getting to know you yet. I usually post on the CD forum.. but suffer with PTSD, anxiety disorder, depression among other things....
I am so impressed that you have gone 42 days without booz! Soo hard to do. It shows how determined you are... and it shows that you are doing some healing with all your anxiety,depression and other issues. I think positive changes happen for me when I get mad! Depression is anger turned inwards, a feeling of helplessness and lack of control over what life is giving us... plus the chemical things that go on in our brain with these disorders... but when I get mad at the right thing instead of blaming myself... it moves me to action.
I'll tell you a story. My dad is an alcoholic. He drank every day when I was growing up and he was a violent drunk... but when I was 22 years old... he happened to go to a Grey Cup game in Montreal with a bunch of ohter people from our home town. He drank of course from morning till night. He was in his hotel room getting changed and supposed to re-join the group , when he started becoming very sick, vomiting etc. he was in the washroom... alone in the hotel room... and while he was throwing up something got stuck in his throat. He said he thought he was going to die, because no one was there to help him. He said he literally saw his life pass before him .. Miraculously he managed to dislodge the obstruction and breathe again. He sat on the edge of his bed and said he 'physically' felt a hand on his shoulder. To this day , he believes that was his guardian angel, or guide, or someone who came to him although he was still all by himself. He had a good talk with himself. At that moment , he swore he would never drink again. And he didn't. NEVER! I am 51 years old now, and he has not touched another drop. Even though our childood was sooo difficult because of his drinking, we are all sooo proud of him . Every year on that anniversary he used to celebrate by taking us all out for dinner... he is 79 now and doesn't do that anymore. But I will be forever grateful for whatever higher power helped him and so proud of his sheer will and determination .
Paulos , do you have a support group, a partner or sponsor? YOU WILL CONQUER THIS! And you will be so proud of your accomplishment as will we. Right now we are so impressed with your 42 days... that will turn into 365 days, one day at a time. Come to us often... you know what a wonderful family HW is. We are rooting for you ... keeping you in my prayers dear Paulos.... Mary
51 yr.old retired RN,Crohn's D for last35 yrs..severe esophagitis, migraines,strictures,urethral stricture,depression,probable MS.,RLS, arthritis
 
 


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 7/29/2008 9:05 PM (GMT -7)   

Paulos,

If I find that elusive trick that will make all these chit feelings go away, you will be first on my list of people to call, trust me!! I think we just have to believe that the good days will outweigh the bad. When I was your age I was a mess on social security who drank 24/7 and was heavily medicated.

Now, (few years on!) I work full time, I study part time, I am in a wonderful relationship (with a beautiful guy who has mild autism) and even tho some days are just awful, for the most part I am happy. It can happen. It really can.

Hugs

Meg


Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 7/29/2008 9:07 PM (GMT -7)   

Mary,

What an amazing story of recovery and strength. Thank you for sharing your fathers story, his wisdom and miracle of sobriety. Stories like this remind me of what it's all about..and they make the little hairs on my arms stand up too!

Bless,

Meg


Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


Paulos
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 201
   Posted 8/3/2008 6:38 PM (GMT -7)   
That ah certainly is one hell of a story Mary, I am happy for you and your father/family... I realize I have overcome a great challenge with not drinking/smoking for nearly 50 days now, but ........... something is telling me I'm just prolonging the inevitable and my life is going to explode.... something is ripping me apart and I don't know what it is.
"Make a joke and I will sigh, and you will laugh and I will cry. Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."-Loony from Rings of Power


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 8/14/2008 6:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Paulos,

I'm just wondering how you're doing.

My depressio nused to make me feel exactly as you described in your last post: like life really wasn't going to get any better ever, and that those times when it didn't seem totally miserable were just decoys. But it can happen: life can turn around. You usually don't recognize it as it's happening because it's slow and subtle. But you can look back at some points and say, "Wow - I don't feel (whatever) any more. That's weird because I didn't think it would ever stop."

Take, for instance, your drinking. I don't know whether you ever thought about how it would feel physically and emotionally after you quit. If you're like me when it comes to major changes, you probably couldn't imagine any of that but just knew mentally that it would be good for you. Look back and see whether there are ways now that you feel stronger or healthier or maybe just relieved that you've survived giving it up so far. All of those are some of these little signs that slowly build into a new, better life; at least, that was my experience.

Hugs,
percycat

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/16/2008 5:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Paulos
Thanks for your care and support for me
I am doing ok
I am still sober and loving it

SO proud of you 50 days plus
How are you doing today my friend

LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
 
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You
 
 
 
                    

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