I'm soooooo stressed out - my girlfriend is chatting online and I cant cope

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tracy7788
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/7/2008 1:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there
 
I'm sorry to bother you but I dont know where to turn
 
I dont want to burden my friends but I am feeling a mess
 
I suffer from severe anxiety and this week my stomach is in knots - I cant eat - (havnt eaten for three days) and I feel anxious all the time
 
You see I have been seeing a girl for @ 6 months and things were wonderful until last week when I was at her place and found out she was emailing other women - I got sooo uptight I vomited but didnt admit why because I was scared - I've been having major panic attacks ever since
 
I told her the truth the next day - but I feel as though I have ruined what we have
 
Unfortunately she also started having panic attacks last week too - she is a workaholic - and so I've had to hide my true feelings
 
But I since found out that she has been chatting on-line on a dating site its driving me nuts - She said she is just after friends but it worries me
 
She doesnt want to stop as she said she wants to meet new friends and that I dont have a right to change her - Im not wanting to change her I love her for who she is - but my gut feel is that she is distancing herself from me  - and I'm feeling incredibly depressed -
 
I'm finding it incredibly hard because its soooo hard to meet people and I am so in love with her - but because of my reaction the other night (when I vomited) she is distancing herself
 
If anyone has any words of wisdom I'd really appreciate it - I would really love a future with this girl but she doesnt want to commit
 
Thanks for listening
 
Edit:
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
 

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 9/2/2008 7:32:48 AM (GMT-6)


hana24
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 354
   Posted 8/7/2008 6:58 AM (GMT -7)   
I think that the most important thing in dating is making sure you are all right on your own before you get into a relationship. You need to rediscover how strong of a person you are. And you shouldn't worry about burdening your friends - that is why they are there to help you. It sounds like you both need to work on dealing with your anxiety. Have you considered talking to a counselor? You need to find coping techniques to deal with the anxiety and depression and they can help with that. Even if you split up - you can deal with that. It could be that the perfect person is waiting to meet you in two years and you just don't know it yet. Relationships are stressful and no matter what happens you are going to have more anxiety. It sounds like to me that you already suspect the truth that she doesn't want to commit. It could be she is distancing herself because she is having anxiety problems as well. I haven't dated anyone in a while as I have been married a couple of years and we dated for 6 yrs before that. But if I would have married some of the people that I thought I was so in love with - I would be miserable now. I think that it is important to date people that you are attracted to yes but also you should be trying to find someone who will be your best friend and It doesn't sound like you trust this girl and maybe you shouldn't if you she is looking at dating websites. Maybe you should ask yourself if you should be considering dating someone who you can trust more.
Jessica 27/F 20mg pred
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peacesoul
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 8/7/2008 7:28 AM (GMT -7)   
HI and welcome to HW.

This is going to sound quick and harsh, but it's reality. You need to leave her. Why, well if you can't trust her, no point in being with her. If this relationship is making you vomit, it's VERY unhealthy.
Two people having panic attacks, her talking on line, you freaking out, it all is very unhealthy.

Sorry for your pain, I know how tough it is to be with someone you can't trust.
Just know, you and your health comes first
Moderator - Anxiety-panic forum
 
where we take it one panic attack at a time
 
 
 
The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong in the broken places


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/7/2008 8:09 AM (GMT -7)   

Hello and Welcome to HealingWell,

You need to be able to look at your life as whole and decide if it is good or bad. You also need to look at every possible aspect of your relationship with your girlfriend and see if the good outweighs the bad, or if the bad outweighs the good. Sometimes your judgment is clouded when you only focus on the good or only on the bad. The bottom line is to do what you need to do to have a more fulfilling and happy life.

IMHO, I think you are both in a bad place right now and you need to let go of this person.  You are setting yourself up for more pain and heartache by trying to hang on.

Learn how to take care of you and become healthy, see your physician, a therapist and seek help at dealing with your anxiety and pannic.

I hope this helps you see the light and realize you are a good person and you are just in need of professional help.

Take care
Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/7/2008 1:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I believe you have gotten great input IMHO

Very unhealthy to have online communications and them making you sick you DONT trust her
Why would you be needing to read her messages on the computer
I have a bro and sil that have been together for over 10 yrs and they still do this and CONSTANTLY fight over the net friends she has and he has  
More relationships are ruined due to this and the mistrust....IMHO 
When you cannot fully trust someone with all you have
The relationship will NOT work out IMHO

I do wish you will stay with us and I hope you know that no one is trying to hurt you in any way
Just giving you sage advice my friend

Take care of you plz

LYN


  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
 
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You
 
 
 
                    

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 8/7/2008 2:50:56 PM (GMT-6)


tracy7788
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/2/2008 12:16 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there

Well its been almost a month since I posted

Last week we officially broke up - we had always been open and honest yet she kept dangling the carrot in front of me.

After a 3 1/2 hour phone conversation she admitted that she had an attraction to someone else - and then told me she was going to break it off and that she loved me

Well one thing led to another and it was actually her friends that said to her that she had been deceiving me

I told her I knew all along - I could feel it - Im very sensitve like that

But big picture stuff is that she has some real issues to deal with too and I hope she finds some clarity

So for the last week I have had the biggest anxiety attacks cuz it sooo hard to let go from someone that you really love - she says she doesnt love me which hurts and hence Ive had the biggest pitter party -but now starting to feel a bit better

I know I have to deal with my anxiety again and are getting help

Thanks so much for letting me vent here - Even when she came yesterday to collect her things I couldnt stop thinking how much I love her

Onwards and upwards - I know there will be dark days - but writing here really helps

Thank you all for your comments and advice

 

 


 


FightingChance
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 9/2/2008 3:55 AM (GMT -7)   
I think it's important to follow your "gut" per se.  You know, sometimes we might not trust ourselves and consider our anxiety to be an "over-reaction" but in your case, I think it was a very normal reaction.  You felt like your bond was being threatened and you had proof...she was on a dating site...no one goes on dating sites to make "friends"...they go on because they are curious, ect. 
 
I think a valuable lesson here is that we need to trust our instincts a little bit more because chances are that if we feel like something is wrong, it probably is.
 
Good for you for breaking it off.  You can do better...good luck!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/2/2008 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   

tracy7788

I know you are in pain right now but you did the right thing.  It takes trust to build a relationship and this was lacking in this relationship so I am glad you have cut your ties with this person.

Some things that may help lower your stress are:

Getting enough rest (at least 8 hours a day)

Meditation (sitting quietly with your thoughts)

Listening to gentle music

Reading

Massage

Taking a warm bath

Going for walks

Regular exercise that you are used to doing

Take care and keep talking to us, we will help you through the tough days ahead.

Kitt


 


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


SiCk_DiAbLo
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 9/3/2008 7:56 AM (GMT -7)   
I'd get a new girlfriend. You don't need that in your life...If she didn't stop..I'd have to leave...

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/3/2008 8:15 AM (GMT -7)   

SiCk_DiAbLo

Welcome to HealingWell.  We do have a thread for "newbies" to post an intro about themselves. I believe it is called new peeps.  It is not mandatory but if you would like to share,  we would love to get to know you better.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 9/3/2008 8:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey, Tracy, I'm sorry you're feeling so sad right now. It is only natural, and I think the anxiety is too, of course. You know that you've got to heal slowly, so you're thinking clearly and in a healthy way about your pain. I'm glad you're getting help for your anxiety, as I've always found the kind that goes with a breakup to be especially sharp.

Take care. Hugs,
percycat
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