Back again needing support--thanks for listening!

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marthamae
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/11/2008 12:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm back after doing pretty well for a while. Last time I posted I was dealing with "burning mouth syndrome". If you missed that mess, it's a crazy condition where your mouth, gums,and tongue burns like crazy. The doc prescribed a mouth rinse, a bunch of vitamins, and .5 of Klonopin and the BMS is about 75% under control. That is the good news.
 
I'm bipolar and know I also suffer from health and just general anxiety although I've never been officially diagnosed with that. Today was the first day of school and I am a substitute teacher. I had been hoping to get my own classroom this year, but nothing came along.
 
I wasn't called to sub today....I didn't figure anyone would miss the first day of school! But I got up anyway and got ready to go, just for practice. Last week, however, I was called by the sub department and asked to do a long term sub job for 12 weeks. It starts in a few weeks and today (this afternoon) I have to go meet the people I will be working with.
 
For some reason I am dreading this. I'm afraid they won't like me or something. Which is dumb...because if they don't, I'll simply "random" sub all year or until something else comes along. Plus, I don't even think this is an interview...I think it is more of a get to know you type of meeting. I already did a long term sub last year so the sub department knows I do a good job.
 
I've also started to get a bit panicky while driving. Ick! I've had panic attacks before but not while driving. Fortunately, this school is not too far and is on residential streets, not the freeway.
 
I feel like I need a Xanax (I have .25's) but I hate to mix those with my Klonopins. I take the .5 Klonopin at 4 o'clock, but I could skip it today and take the Xanax instead. Klonopin does not relax me for some reason, but Xanax takes the edge off.
 
I'm so frustrated with myself. Why is life always such a struggle?
 
hugs to all,
martha
 
 

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/11/2008 1:47 PM (GMT -7)   

Marhtmae,

You have the xanax, are you used to using it and sure you can drive and perform with this med on board.  If you think the xnax will give you the help you need this first meeting and are willing to forgo the afternoon Klnpin then I would leave the decision up to you.

You are having anticipatory anxiety, IMHO.

Talking usually helps. Share your feelings with friends, family, on here are all good ways to work through the anxiety.

Relaxation techniques: Try deep breathing, muscle relaxation, visualization (imagining peaceful scenes), and/or listening to soothing music.

Realistic self-talk: While we can't always control what happens to us, we can always control what we say to ourselves. It's important to keep things in perspective. Talk to yourself in reasonable ways. Ask yourself "how likely is my fear?" Remind yourself that you have coped before during other challenging times. Don't just dwell on the negative but consciously look for things you can appreciate every day.

Make an effort to stay focused on what's happening now. What do you see, hear, and smell? How do you feel? Truly be 'present' in the moment! That will help you keep the anxiety down.

Take care and keep posting.

Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 8/11/2008 2:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Martha,

This time of year for a teacher is always unsettling in itself. Nothing is predictable because you haven't had a chance to establish patterns yet.

Remind yourself that you have a good reputation as a sub and that you're valued already or they'd not have asked for you in the first place.

Anxiety while driving is a big pain, so I'm glad your route is residential. If it's getting really bad, are there ways you can "practice" the particular parts of your drive in advance? For instance, if turning left at a bad instersection is always troublesome, try going to that intersection at a time that's not very busy and drive through it a few times to get familiar with the feel.

percycat

marthamae
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/11/2008 4:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Percy and skitt,

I just got back from my meeting.

The ladies were all very nice and the job looks pretty good...much better than the long term sub I did last spring. The only bad news is that it's only going to be for eight weeks instead of twelve as I had been originally told. (Although how anyone can have a baby and come back in eight weeks I do not know!...but then I am old!)

Anyway, it all went fine and I did fine on the driving.

I think I am just having a hard time right now in general. I was rather jealous of these ladies all having their own classroom and me having to go around subbing again. On the other hand, a classroom is a huge responsibility and I'm not sure I am up for it.

Life is hard sometimes.

big hugs to all out there struggling and thanks for the support

martha

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/11/2008 4:41 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Martha,

You are a wonderful person and old is not you.  I understand the feeling of seeing someone else have what you so want to achieve.

You will get there, and please know I am here for you. smhair

Hugs
Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 8/12/2008 8:15 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Martha,

Sounds like you did great. I think teachers are amazing, I'm a nervous wreck if I have to look after children, let alone a whole classroom! I'm really glad your BMS is getting under control. Sounds awful. Was it stress related, or just one of those unfortunate things???

Hang in there, you will get through this, I truly believe that. Know that we care about and support you.

Hugs,

Meg


Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


marthamae
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/13/2008 9:10 AM (GMT -7)   

Meg,

Thanks for your kind wishes. I also picked up another week of subbing (for a different teacher) so I start week after next. I may pick up some random days next week also.

No one seems to know what causes BMS:

Here are some possibilites:

deficiency in B vitamins (my doc had me take a lot of those)

GERD (I do have severe GERD...I take Protonix and Pepcid)

being postmenopausal (just got checked..am 49, but still have good estrogen levels...no menopause)

nerve damage during dental procedures (can't remember anything like that)

thrush- a fungal infection (doc gave me an oral rinse to use in case I had this)

having previous episode of serious depression (are they kidding? I am bipolar...my whole life has been one serious episode!)

 

One researcher has found that Klonopin taken daily (a low dose) helps a lot of people with BMS). I was put on .5 per day.

More women than men have BMS, although men do have it. It's mostly found in women in their 40's and 50's, although younger people get it also.

It's a weird problem...you wake up with normal feeling in your mouth. Then around noon, the tip of your tongue gets numb and the area around the two front teeth (the gums start burning a little). By four or so, the roof of the mouth and lower teeth and more of the tongue is involved. By dinner, it's really bad and it's hard to talk cause your mouth feels swollen. By bed it eases a little and you can sleep. Eating and drinking make it feel better. The roof of your mouth and tongue feel like you had a bad pizza burn on them.

Mine is probably 75% better right now.

I don't know if it's the vitamins, the mouth rinse, the Klonopin, or what. I do think stress plays a role.

For the LONGEST time I had no idea what was wrong with my mouth. I thought it was a side effect from my psych drugs. My doctors had never heard of BMS. I finally found it after searching my symptoms on the net. Fortunately, there was an orofacial pain guy in my town who treats it.

 

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