How do I talk to my loved ones and make them understand?

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upsndowns
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/1/2008 6:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone...I'm so sorry I haven't checked back in awhile. I'm just living one day at a time and hoping each day my anxiety lessens. Unfortunately it's been bothering me quite a bit lately.
 
Anyway...I need help with something.
 
I'm having trouble sharing my anxiety problems with those I should be able to share this problem with. I try very hard not to 'vent' to them daily. As a matter of fact I keep most of it to myself as much as possible because I'm sure it gets old to listen to. I don't want to come off a whiner or complainer but at the same time I need support and understanding so I do realize my behavior is unhealthy. No one understands what I go through every day and that's my fault because I don't share. It seems I only share when I get to the end of my rope then I'll say something but as little as possible so they aren't 'alarmed'. And I have to say a huge part of me just wants to be normal so I want to be normal in their eyes. I don't want them to start thinking of me as someone who has mental health problem. "Deep sigh". Weird I know...or maybe the word is sad. Also I know they just have no way of understanding...I've tried to explain my symptoms and worries every which way and I think they try to understand and be supportive but they just can't relate. I actually had someone tell me to just get over it! Now that hurt. So I've kind of turned inward with this and realize I can't keep doing that. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? How do you all deal with your sig others and friends??? Thanks so much!!
 
PS yes I need to start therapy but because I have driving issues (can't drive too far from home and can't take public transport) that's proving to be difficult.

bigcc_1976
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 9/1/2008 11:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Ups, I feel your pain. I have tried and tried to get my family to understand or at least learn about anxiety/panic. I have purchased books, etc.. and asked them to read them. They don't but yet they expect me to be able to do everything like I once was able. I work in professional job and I can't let anyone know what is going on through my head. I also have a big difficulty with traveling. I don't want to be very far from a hospital, and if I am traveling I don't know where the closest one is.

Anyway, I don't have any answers for you. But wanted to let you know you are not alone. I suffer too. If someone has some great solution I will be on board with you with ears wide open.

Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 9/2/2008 6:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey upsndowns, Welcome to the site and really glad and honored you feel safe to express what's going on with your life. Keep coming here and posting, okay?
Like you, I've been told to "Just get over it!!" as well and understand the pain from that - you must have felt devastated when you heard that. Personally, this
is not someone I would talk to regularly about my issues until they got a clue of the gravity of your situation.

As for other friends, or significant other (I don't have one, never will - except my kitties . . . :o)) as a suggestion (per your request), maybe you could ask if they'd be willing
to have a sit-down with you at a time that is convenient for the both of you because you have some stuff that you really need to talk about and need a friend and would like their
opinion, or that you'd like their understanding (or empathy - whatever you're needing) - you could even go so far as to ask them (at the sit-down) to please reflect back to you
what they heard you say, after each statement is made, or how did they perceive it because you're wanting to be sure that you are expressing yourself clearly (that way they don't
take it as an insult, as if you don't believe THEY understood what you were saying, but that you just want to be sure that YOU'RE being clear to THEM) -- and that would definitely give
you the understanding it sounds like you're needing (and also teach them to be understanding at the same time). :-D

Asking for their time at a future date, or even later in the day will give them time to be ready and prepare to be an understanding friend, since you never know when you start talking to
someone kind of "out of the blue", what's going on in their mind/world - they may not have the ability at that moment to talk, listen or to be understanding or give any empathy because of their own stuff they're dealing with at that moment.  You could even ask for just 15, 30, 45 minutes of their time - that way they know they'll be done in that amount of time in case they have plans, or other stuff going on.

I hope this helps a little! I'm so glad you posted!

Post Edited (Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty) : 9/2/2008 7:49:34 AM (GMT-6)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/2/2008 7:02 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning,

I hid my anxiety and depression from all my friends at work for over 20 some years. I was always the one taking care of others and making people laugh.  I am a great actress but in the end I had a huge melt down.  I just could not get it back together so I took early retirement.

That is when I told my friends the truth and they said " Oh yeah right, you have depression........"  lol.  But I finally got them to listen and they were stunned.

So please do share with your friends and family as no one should go through this anxiety and depression alone with no on to talk to.

There is something comforting about baring your soul to the members of HW and still being able to be anonymous.

Gentle Hugs to you
Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


ocean1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 707
   Posted 9/2/2008 12:37 PM (GMT -7)   
I kept quiet about my anxiety issues for a long time and when I finally got up the nerve to talk to my parents, they already knew.  Somehow those closest to us can sense something without us saying a word.  It was very simple for me to tell a few family members and close friends and all I got from them was compassion and support.  It took my parents a while to really understand what it does "to" me but they are now a great source of support.  I hope you can get the same kind of love and support from your family and friends.  We are here for you as well.  This is a great group of people.
Diane
Thou shalt smile and have a nice day.  It frustrates those who have other plans for thee.
________________________________________
Anxiety 2007; IBS 2004; Chronic Hives 2002.
Medications:  Allegra, Zantac, Xanax, Darvocet.

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