In the dark place

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Paulos
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 201
   Posted 9/5/2008 6:23 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm just an autistic, worthless, declining... bum who is having a rude awakening about life.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 9/5/2008 7:45:53 PM (GMT-6)


genniefstr
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 97
   Posted 9/5/2008 6:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Paulos, your not worthless or a bum. What's the rude awakening about life? Vent!!
                                 smiles,gennie

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/5/2008 6:47 PM (GMT -7)   

Paulos,

Hey  no putting yourself down............talk to us and tell us why your feeling this way.  You are family here at HW and we do not think you are worthless.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 9/5/2008 8:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Paulos,

I admire you and your strength in fighting to overcome some of the tough things in your life. Do please vent - we'll gladly listen, my friend!

percycat

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 9/6/2008 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Paulos,
 
You have been an inspiration to many of our members..and will continue to be. You chose to come off your meds and make other lifestyle changes..that was/is massive. If you have fallen back please know that we care and support you. My BF is autistic and he lives a beautiful life. You are, in no way, worthless. Can I do anything to help? You may feel it, but you are not alone. HW family is here for you.
 
Meg
Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


Marie-Claire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 9/6/2008 6:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Paulos... Lord... please don't put yourself down like that. I tend to do the same thing and my friend is always quick to remind me that there are plenty of people who will be all too willing to do that so you can't do that to yourself. You have to be your best-friend. Imagine if you, Paulos, was a friend of yours and was feeling exactly as you are now. What would you tell him/her.
Please come talk to us... I too have a friend who is autistic and he is amazing. .. is loved by his community and is an important member of our little town.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...
Mary
51 yr.old retired RN,Crohn's D for last35 yrs..severe esophagitis, migraines,strictures,urethral stricture,depression,probable MS.,RLS, arthritis, PTSD ,general anxiety disorder.
 
 


Paulos
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 201
   Posted 9/7/2008 4:23 AM (GMT -7)   
sorry for worrying you all, no I did NOT slip and never will again on the alcohol, 84 days now, it's just that .... . everything is going wrong and I feel I can't handle it. and that I'm just a big fat stupid autistic retard is the awakening I'm having. I can barely handle anything, and it's like my video game console the Wii recently broke and it's like that was one of my lifelines, pitiful life... a mere game breaks and I get sad. I'm so pitiful.
"Make a joke and I will sigh, and you will laugh and I will cry. Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."-Loony from Rings of Power


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 9/7/2008 4:57 AM (GMT -7)   
This post is the most authentic thing I've read. Is there hope for your Wii?
I had puter problems and I did what I wanted to do. I went out to the
street (no one was around) I took my mouse by the tail and swung it around
my head like a lasso and then I took the mouse and slammed it on a pile
of rocks. It was my "life line" Somehow that sounds violent ... not to worry.
I have Intractible, Chronic Pain. The pain took away my life and most of
what was good.
There is still reason to live, but some days I just wouldn't want to count the
ways.
I am sorry your post was edited. That was no doubt the best, most meaningful
of what you had to say. But here ... Roolz is Roolz.
Pamela Neckpain to Paulos

percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 9/7/2008 1:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Paulos,

I think it's natural for little things to set us off sometimes. Getting down about your Wii breaking doesn't mean you're a loser. I think it just means that something you enjoy is missing now, and of course that makes you sad.

Sometimes those little things are actually really powerful coping tools for us, and I don't think it's wrong to have them. I have times when I really need a good, tricky computer game to take me away from things that I may not even know are bothering me as much as they are. When I'm in those places, I can spend several days sort of addicted to beating the game. I try to recognize my craving for the game for what it is - a release - and not beat myself up for doing it instead of things I "should" do to deal with my low times. The game *is* a way of dealing.

Hope you're doing a little better. I do like Pamela's idea of smashing the mouse. I've occasionally pictured what my monitor would look like with a chainsaw embedded in it. Good thing I don't own a chainsaw...

percycat

Buddha443556
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 293
   Posted 9/7/2008 3:16 PM (GMT -7)   
percycat said...
Hope you're doing a little better. I do like Pamela's idea of smashing the mouse. I've occasionally pictured what my monitor would look like with a chainsaw embedded in it. Good thing I don't own a chainsaw...

Since switching to Linux I haven't had that problem. tongue

I do spend to much time playing games too.

Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 9/7/2008 6:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Ahhhh, I actually got so "addicted" to the puter that part of my Chronic Pain is a computer injury. Swear it's true.
I had put a book in my computer and the computer failed me. This was about ten years ago. The screen turned
green and there may have been smoke coming out all the little holes. Teribubble.
Linux, huh, Buddah?
When I had to pack for vacation, I had to give the mouse to a neighbor. She worked all day and I just couldn't
break into her home. This, of course, was before all the problems and the mouse smashing. Chainsaw embedded
in the monitor is such a guy thing, percy ... but workable.
Pamela Neckpain
Paulos how u doin' today? smurf

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 9/7/2008 6:56 PM (GMT -7)   

Paulos, congrats on still staying sober. That is a toughie. I can understand what it feels like to lose your lifeline. Can your Wii be resurected?

Meg


Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 

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