My Job, Bipolar Disorder and Anxiety

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Georgie Girl
Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 319
   Posted 9/10/2008 8:54 AM (GMT -6)   
I have a very difficult time getting ready and coming to work in the mornings now - to a job that I used to take so much satisfaction from.  I am bipolar and the beginning of this year began having bad anxiety which in Mar culminated in a week's hospitalization from which I remember only about two hours.  Doctor changed meds and added meds but when I got out I still had bad anxiety for about three weeks until he added Zyprexa to the mix.  The Zyprexa helped my anxiety go down to a manageable level within four hours.  It has continued to manage the bad anxiety to date and I only have to take one 5 or 10 mg Zyprexa every week or so when I'm starting to feel panicky and sweaty and/or worried about something specific.  For this I am happy.
But early this year I also began to dread a job I have loved for 14 years.  Now after my recovery from my bad anxiety, I still have extremely long days and feel like I can't stand to be here.  When I get home from work or on the weekends, I feel so much better which makes me think that this is not depression I'm dealing with but maybe job burnout.
I have returned to my doctor and had medication changes to possibly deal with depression but none has helped my feelings about work.  Fortunately, I have only two years until I can retire at which time I plan to do so and pursue another career.
Reading here people talking about focusing on the good things - I am trying to do so.  We get 26 days of leave a year, I have another 240 hours of leave on reserve that I carry from year to year, they accommodate illnesses and absences such as I had this spring, they pay me very well for being bored to tears, and I occasionally find something rewarding in a task or customer service.  And my anxiety is well controlled.
I am not really asking for advice though willing to listen!  I just need to express my concerns.

Georgie Girl

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/10/2008 9:23 AM (GMT -6)   

Good Morning Georgie Girl,

I believe I waited to long and did burn out from my job..............which I loved and had worked at the same hospital for 26 years.  I knew I was in troulbe but I waited to long and really did burn out, I flamed out in a bon-fire.

I had gotten so  I could not sleep at night as I anticipated how awful the next day would be.  I would cry at night because I could not sleep.  I would cry on my drive into work.  Then I would put on the best act and nobody knew how awful I was feeling.

When I broke down at work and my boss had to drive me home I was so humiliated.  That is when I decide to take early retirement. for the first year I was broken, all my friends were at work and here I was sitting at home crying for my loss of who I was................

After a year of Pdoc and therapy, I finally started to heal.

If you have short term disability insurance it might be a good time to take some time off and work with a therapist.  Or maybe you need a job with more to do.  You know it is ok to change jobs.  Just do what you feel is best for you.

Gentle hugs



Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Georgie Girl
Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 319
   Posted 9/10/2008 9:37 AM (GMT -6)   


Thanks for your input.   You are right, I need a job with more to do.  I am now a "manager" and alot of that means being here for when issues arise but not much in the way of 8 hours worth of technical work per day.  Although I have been a manager in this position for 14 years, I always did have plenty of tasks to complete until late last year.  (I have been working at this AF installation for 34 years and early retirement is not an option - I would take it if I could).  Your evaluation is spot on.


Thanks again.


Georgie Girl - Krista

Georgie Girl

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 9/10/2008 1:40 PM (GMT -6)   
I too have been in "frozen" mode at a job. There's something about a job that makes us feel as though we have to the world will stop and shut down if we leave. I flamed out at one job and it wasn't good (I'm BP also.)

If your meds are adjusted and you still are not feeling good about work, I'd seek some help and make some proactive decisions to do something else. Your mental health isn't worth it. Sometimes when I feel "trapped" or "in limbo" is when I have done some stupid and crazy things. It's better to get out in a positive way and move on with your life.

Good luck and hugs to you:)
Oops. I forgot to add....the advice about friends at work was so true. Almost all of my friends were at work also. Make a list of your friends outside of work and start lining up some "dates" with them now. Show yourself that you do have a life outside of work. Get your mind around that in case you do move from this job. That issue was so huge for me it was almost a deal breaker. I was a total idiot. Those people were very fair weather friends.

Post Edited (marthamae) : 9/10/2008 12:44:01 PM (GMT-6)

Georgie Girl
Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 319
   Posted 9/10/2008 4:44 PM (GMT -6)   

Thanks Martha Mae.

I always wondered how those people who spend their entire working lives hating their jobs and hating to come to work stood it - as I liked what I did so very much.  Now I feel like one of those people just putting in their time.  I would say that I'm still a better employee than the average (talk about confidence!) but I'm just not my old energetic, positive self where "excellence was my middle name". 

I worked my way up without a college degree to a fairly high level management position and when I say they pay me well, I mean very well.  I am the main breadwinner in my family.  And without a college degree I couldn't just walk into another job that would pay anywhere near this (I work in HR, I am the HR  officer for our AF installation).  My retirement will be a bit over $5,000 a month if I just stay in it two more years.  Then I will start another career working with children, I hope, which will keep my busy and active all day long and also not "in charge".

Oh today went a little bit faster.  I took a break and took some leave and went shopping for new luggage, returned to work and had only an hour left.   Later in the day, I feel better about things - its mornings that are bad.  Which also makes me think there is a link to my depression since mornings are/were always bad for me when I was in a depressed state. 

I am fairly joyous at home and get joy out of my relationship with my spouse and son so things could be so much worse.  I have a loving, supportive sister and brother though I don't see them often we talk on the phone regularly. 

Thanks for listening to me ramble.  Things will get better.





Georgie Girl

Post Edited (Georgie Girl) : 9/11/2008 3:29:44 PM (GMT-6)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40402
   Posted 9/13/2008 8:02 AM (GMT -6)   
I have problems with bp too. I started taking abilify and it really helped me. It helps me to stay in the moment and not to worry about future and past. Which takes away a lot of the anxiety. Just thought I would throw this in because abilify is fairly new I think.

Best wishes to all,

Hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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