Post Edited (Disenchanted__) : 9/10/2008 6:43:59 PM (GMT-6)
That physical sounds like a great idea, if for no other reason than to set your mind at rest. It is very unlikely that you have a brain tumor (I'm not a doctor - but I know the odds) it sounds more likely that you have some visual problems, do you wear glasses?
I know that bulging eyes can be a symptom of hyperthyroidism (spelling anyone?!) and that can be treated with meds. Try not to let your feelings of fear overwhelm you. There seem to be a lot of "what if's" bouncing around in your head right now and it's best to leave them be until you see a professional and get some tests done. Stay in the moment okay and let us know how you are doing. It's scary, but you will get through this.
And get those eyes checked out
Have you taken any steps towards working on your anxiety? It may resolve a lot of your other concerns.
Going back to school is a HUGE step. That is amazing!! It sounds like you may be feeling some depersonalisation (again I am no doctor - just my thoughts)..have you spoken with a counsellor or a doctor about these feelings? I used to get that feeling when I had just been through a major panic attack, nothing seemed real to me. I felt like I was walking in a different world to everyone else. A shadow.
You can get help for this..if I have felt it then many others have too. What is a normal 19 year old anyway?!! You would be surprised how many people feel disconected..and I don't say that to belittle how you are feeling. It is just awful to feel isolated.
You need to get a support base..
I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like but are they any help? Can you get some numbers out of the phone book, or off the web? It would be really beneficial if you could talk this through with someone who can help you within your community (not to say that we at HW won't be here to help as well okay?)..
It is so hard to work through this without friends, my heart goes out to you. Can I be your friend for now? You can email me if you like (little envelope to the left under my name)
There is a post here called "hypochondria or health anxiety" it may help you to read that one. There are some great techniques for stopping the thoughts about your brain tumor fear. It's a tough thing to deal with, but you can arm yourself with the tools to fight it.