Today was horrible at my doctor's...

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Paulos
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Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 201
   Posted 9/16/2008 8:38 PM (GMT -7)   
I admit sure he had truth with what he said regarding keeping a normal sleeping schedule, how eventually you don't feel as good about the things you did as a kid when you're an adult, how you got to change... but I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE... I LIKE WHAT I DO... sniff... they said I have too much time on my hands... I know he was right but the way he put it was so blunt it traumatized me... I cried in my room for like an hour, almost needed a hospital visit to calm me down... then I was so tired I had to sleep...

I don't know I just feel so... down and afraid... crying was my relief factor it seems but I can't do that ... I feel so alone and scared right now and .. the real world too many dosages of it at once really scares me and makes me ill... I know ... it sounds complex, autism is ... I come across as such a normal person when people speak to me... but ... I'm not ... I have issues :( and my mind feels so BLOCKED right now regarding speaking, coming up with words to say, and so on ... I'm just ... I am so scared of the real world.
"Make a joke and I will sigh, and you will laugh and I will cry. Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."-Loony from Rings of Power


peacesoul
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Date Joined Jan 2007
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   Posted 9/16/2008 8:40 PM (GMT -7)   
what is the real world to you?
Moderator - Anxiety-panic forum
 
where we take it one panic attack at a time
 
 
 
The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong in the broken places


nervymeg
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 9/16/2008 10:08 PM (GMT -7)   

Paulos,

you are still so young, it takes ages (and ages and ages..) to figure out what you want to be doing and what you feel comfortable with. If you are happy doing what you do then please don't allow your doctor to belittle you are make you feel shame (remember though..no-one can make us feel anything if we stay true to ourselves. We are the owners of our own emotions).

If you need to cry, then cry, it's okay. All I would suggest is that you do challenge yourself occassionally. Sure you like what you do, but you don't seem very happy with your current situation. Taking smal steps and trying new things slowly and gently may just help you to feel more confident and not so blocked.

Meg


Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


Paulos
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 201
   Posted 9/17/2008 3:54 AM (GMT -7)   
you're right nervy... thank you, it's so true I can be happy with what I do it's just sometimes I suffer and am scared, and as for the REAL WORLD the real world is where the horror is, where the bad people who want to hurt me and take advantage of me and scare me and I'm scared of it and I can't deal with it too much... thanks nervy you're right, I need to take SMALL steps... not what my doctor said, he was insane... he put it all to me so bluntly "Try to work" "Off your xanax" and his demeanor was not pleasant. as my mom said his bedside manner wasn't so nice. Man I always hate feeling so afraid when I wake up.
"Make a joke and I will sigh, and you will laugh and I will cry. Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."-Loony from Rings of Power


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/17/2008 4:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Paulos
In the past we have talked about Anticapatory Anxiety and I think you may have some issues with that
YOU do not have to take any doc's attitude like that ever
I would be looking for a new one "Toot suite" ( real fast lol)

The real world CAN be scary but you can and will learn to take those baby steps and get yourself at a place that is your safe zone

Working with self help techniques and medications if needed is and will help you I am sure of it

In the meantime dont hesitate to let it out and tell US how you are feeling

Luvs
LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
 
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You
 
 
 
                    


peacesoul
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 9/17/2008 6:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Paulos, anxiety sufferes are known to be more sensitive to their surroundings. It's a wiring of awareness. We are more aware than others.
Living with total awareness makes us scared of the world because there are so many stimuli that affects us

Now having said this, you have to change your perception of what the real world is. Your perception of the "real world" is more than likey not very real
The real world also includes, your safe places, your moments of relaxation, your happy days, a food you love to eat, family and friends whom you love etc.
When you're out there in the "real world" and there are a lot of people, cars honking horns, things moving past you, people who are scary or mean, well you have to think 99.9% of people are just as fearful as you.
Remember, others can't see panic in us, therefore neither can we see it in them.

Most people struggle to get up every day and face the world.
The world is a tough place when not in the right frame of mind.
Paulos, I tto feel fearful every since day when I wake up. I never used to, even in the worst of my anxiety, but I've got myself into some messy situations and my thiniking has not been very positive.
How I deal with the fear when I wake up is saying to myself "I'm going to feel the fear and still get up and function and not fight it"
The buddhist believe fear is a gift that we need to embrace. Fear is a signal something is wrong. Most of us run away and go kicking and screaming saying "make this feeling go away"
Which of course makes it worse.
Embrace your fear and just know it will not last. Nothing lasts, good or bad
Moderator - Anxiety-panic forum
 
where we take it one panic attack at a time
 
 
 
The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong in the broken places


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/17/2008 6:47 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree
Like Peacesoul
I woke to DREAD every day for so long
Now I wake to the GOOD that can come of the day...........

I wish you all the best my friend

LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
 
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You
 
 
 
                    


Paulos
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 201
   Posted 9/18/2008 6:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for your advice and fear is a bad problem with me and worried about what people will do to me and all, I hate being cursed with autism but... also thanks Lyn for that doctor comment, made me feel better like I wasn't being bashed on anymore :). it's just something else I'm worried about too that I gotta post up *man I complain too much*
"Make a joke and I will sigh, and you will laugh and I will cry. Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."-Loony from Rings of Power


peacesoul
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 2446
   Posted 9/18/2008 6:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Sweetie, I didnt know you had autism?
Have you read Jenny McCarthy's book about autism?
Moderator - Anxiety-panic forum
 
where we take it one panic attack at a time
 
 
 
The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong in the broken places


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 9/18/2008 7:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Paulos,

I don't know if i keep bombarding you with this but my brother, ex-husband and boyfriend all live with autism. They have gone through varying difficulties with it but they are all doing pretty dang well. My brother heads up  his own multi-million dollar company, has a beautiful wife and two kiddies and he spent about six years alone in his own room when he was your age. My BF does very, very well for himself too. (not quite well enough for the cavier - but yuck!!) Don't give in to negative thoughts. You can overcome this.

Meg


Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
Weekend Warrior Princess
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/18/2008 1:45 PM (GMT -7)   

Paul,

Great advice by all.  Peacesoul is right, you are not alone in feeling fear. to quote Peacesoul, "Embrace your fear and just know it will not last."

We are here for you.
Kitt

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