Reoccurring vivid nightmares

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moreAmor
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 10/8/2008 11:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone, I'm new here. I've been looking for a place where I can find people who I can relate to, and I came across here. I really like the site so far, it seems like the people here are close with one another since we can relate to one another and we understand each other.

I've been having this problem for about four months now. I'm not going to get into the whole story, as it's so long that I would end up writing a novel, but I'll just cover the basics. I joined an art website two years ago to display my writings and poetry. I wasn't looking for friends at the time, just critiques and to view other people's work. Well after awhile we ended up having conversations, and before you know it I made some very good friends. I met this boy on this website, and we both had writing and the love of languages in common. He was from South America, so he spoke Spanish of course. I'm a Spanish major, and I thought it would be cool to talk to someone who's spoken the language all his life. We ended up talking about that, and then we just started telling each other our personal lives. I didn't think twice about it - he seemed to understand, even been through similar experiences like me, and I just was all, well I'm never going to meet the guy so why not tell him this.

Junior year I was having some issues with my cheerleading squad. My coach mistreated me, not only by trying to get me to quit by putting me on the JV squad with five other freshmen, but just picking on me and insulting me during practices. I posted this long journal entry on the art site, and he was the most supportive one there for me. We exchanged MSN addresses, and we ended up talking every night for hours. Then something weird happened...I started to feel an attraction for the guy. And then one night, it was November 1, 2006...he told me he loved me. And it just drew me in. I was like, I love you too...and we then began to talk about how to meet.

I had to keep this a secret from my parents. They would hate me being in an online relationship. The first few weeks of the relationship were great - I'll admit I had never been happier in my life. Romance has always intrigued me, ever since I was a little girl, and I was just amazed that now I could really feel it. Well, after those few weeks he started shoving all his problems on me. I didn't mind, but whenever I tried to help he'd blow off my advise, saying I didn't know better.

Then December 15th, I couldn't take the secret anymore and confessed everything to my parents. For a week we went without contact. Finally I emailed him when it was safe. Ever since then, things fell downhill...there'd be some ups, but mostly negative. But I told myself that I had to stay with him, because I'd be happier with him than without him. Then this other guy came along. He was a year older than me, and he thought I was cute, so he asked me on a date. I felt guilty since I was with the South American boy at the time, but I wanted to be nice, and told him that we could just hang out, though I wasn't calling it a date. So we hung out. A week later, this boy and I were texting till one in the morning, me trying to tell him that I was in love with someone else, and he telling me that he was in love with me and that he'd die for me and that I was the greatest girl he'd ever met. All this, after a week of knowing me. It scared me a lot. I couldn't take it. I thought that this boy would be after me the rest of my life. I couldn't take it.
A week later, he takes me out to the Spiderman movie. I decided to go, since I was interested in seeing the movie. The next day though, it was a Saturday, things just fell apart...I had a severe manic attack, I was screaming for an hour and I didn't know why, and I even had a hallucination. My mom ended up calling the police cuz she didn't know what to do. They handcuffed me, I had never been so scared in my life, and took me to the hospital and I was in a teen mental hospital for a week. Then I was an outpatient for a month. I missed the rest of my junior year, and prom, which this boy had asked me to go with him. When I was finally free, this boy ignored me and never called me again. It took me all summer to work off the missed schoolwork.

But then, the South American boy who knew everything...suddenly told me he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me anymore. He said he wanted to date other girls. I told him that then I would date other boys. Then he told me that I wasn't allowed to date other people, only he was. And then, one day when we were talking, it was about my looks or something, I don't remember what, it was something minor like getting highlights or something...he just told me that I was ugly. It shattered me. I haven't felt the same about my appearance since. Then he called me fat too, which shocked me, since I'm not fat at all. I felt awful and was in tears, and then he told me he was sorry and that he loved me.

This kept happening and happening. The insults were more and more and some conversations would just be all insults. He called me everything you can call a girl and then some. But he always said he was sorry and that he loved me.

This boy also had mastered the art of manipulation. During our first few weeks together he told me to get emancipated from my parents and to give up my US citizenship so I could live with him. I thought I was so in love that I really wanted to do it. He also wanted me to convert from Protestantism to Catholicism. My mom was a Catholic to Protestant convert, and he told me that because of that she was condemned to hell. He told me I would go to hell if I would not convert. He also convinced me that the US government was corrupt and would fall, and that the South American countries would become the new world power. And I believed EVERYTHING, because he told me he loved me and that he'd do anything for me.

New Year's eve of 2007 was his insults at his worst. He threatened to break up with me, threatened to screw me over, it was awful. That night I knew I had to break up with him. I did it on January 2nd. At the time I was also in contact with a guy from Mexico. To get back at this boy, I got together with the Mexican. But then I convinced myself that I loved the Mexican. But then at the same time I fell for the other boy too again...it was a sick love triangle. The Mexican sexually harassed me very strongly--once he told me that when he met me he'd **** me so hard the neighbors would think he's strangling me. But he said very nice things to me. At first it was funny, and a joke--but then he took it too far. Our relationship lasted two months. He broke up with me, saying that I wasn't worth waiting for, and quit talking to me. Then I sort of unofficially got back together with the other guy.

 I called him every day, three times a day--he said he gave me all his support. But when I got back the insults were crazy. He called me stupid and selfish, and everything. I couldn't take it anymore. One night my friend convinced me that he was destroying me. It was like I opened my eyes for the first time in two years. I knew I had to get rid of him. I used this messed up plan to get rid of him, but he caught me in the act. For three more long weeks he verbally abused me even more, until one night I was like, I have to get rid of this guy. I told him I was done talking to him forever, and then I shut him out of my life.

Now, you'd think that I've let him go, he'd leave...but then these nightmares started happening. I'd dream that he'd come to my house one night while my family was home, and he and a bunch of asassains would come in the house, grab me, hold a gun to my head, and tourcherd and shot my family right in front of me. Then when they were all dead, they'd leave, saying to me "You have to live through this...you have to live through this!" In the dream I know they meant that it was my fault they were dead, because I started talking to this boy.

The nightmares got more and more frequent, and now I dream about then pretty much every night. They're very vivid too--I wake up sometimes shaking, sweating, thinking they're real, and that my family really is dead. It takes a few minutes to sink in that it was all a dream. I've tried everything to stop this--talking to my mom about it, my counselor, listening to calm music before sleeping...nothing seems to work. I'm scared to sleep now. And sometimes I get these images in my head when I'm awake, too. I'll start shaking or my vision will get blurry for a few moments. It scares me. Especially when it happens when I'm driving.

I want more than anything for these nightmares to go away forever. My life is finally getting under control--I've just started college, I'm no longer suicidal or hurting myself, yet these nightmares are holding me back.

I know this story may sound like a bunch of crap, but it's just...the way it made me feel...it messed me up so bad. I almost died because of this guy. He caused me so many mental problems. And being a naive sixteen year old girl when it started, of course I'd fall for it. And even when I got more mature two years later, I felt so brainwashed that it still felt real.

I might see a hypnotist about this, but I want to know what you might think on how I can deal with this. It's caused me so much anxiety, and I just want it to go away. I apologize for the length of this--this really is the short version of it though. I've had to cut out so much to make this as short as possible.

Edit: 

1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 10/8/2008 4:29:26 PM (GMT-6)


Pinkstarfish
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/8/2008 11:25 AM (GMT -7)   
im having the nightmeres too....thats the whole reason why i signed up here....its like theyre so real, you find urself questioning if youve even fallen asleep....theres that thin line...i need help with the nightmeres too..

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/8/2008 3:27 PM (GMT -7)   

moreAmor

Wow, that was a long story and your right you were young but your online boyfriend was online, next time block someone like this from your IM.  Also don't get caught up in online affairs.  You are only 18, live in the real world dating real guys and count on your Mom to help you.  I picked out bits and pieces where her support was noted.

I think you have some tough mental issues you are dealing with and working on those is the best way to get well.  I am sorry  I had to edit your post as noted. 

My best advice is keep talking to your parents but talk to them as soon as you started having thoughts of harming yourself. 

I wish you peace and know we care.  Stay Well.

Kitt


 


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 10/12/2008 5:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey, Amor, I'm sorry that you were caught up with such abusive and manipulative guys!

I agree with Kitt: take every opportunity to rely on your mom's help, and your counselor, and stay safe online. You can get through this, even if it takes time, and you'll be much wiser and stronger after.

Hugs,
percycat

moreAmor
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 10/12/2008 8:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much Kitt and percycat <3 I have definitely learned a lot through the relationship, one of my flaws is that I'm often too trusting of people and too gullible at times. I have been talking to my mom a lot, though sometimes it's no use because she doesn't understand at all what I'm going through because she's never had to put up with abuse like I have. My counselor is nice, she makes me laugh. I haven't been able to see her in the past few weeks though because I've been working more often. But hopefully this week I can see her and talk to her about it.

The people on here have been very helpful though. Last night I didn't have a nightmare. Yipee! :) I did have a bad flashback of the dream though when I was talking to my dad - I was trying to offer advice for a situation, and he completely dismissed it and lashed out on me, so that of course set up my anxiety and thus giving me the flashback. But I just went to my room and did some breathing techniques, thought happy thoughts...still it was scary, it was one of my bad ones. The other few weren't that bad though. But at the moment I'm good. I just got back from a meeting at work, it was at a hotel and it was fun, I won a prize :D I guess it's all about putting myself in positive situations and having positive influences.

Oh and Kitt - sorry about the post. Right after I read what you wrote I read the rules about the forums and posting. I know now for future posts.

Again, thank you so much everyone for your support. :)
I’m lonely; gotta look for a party
And dance with somebody tonight
Cuz I’m lonely; I feel empty inside
Can’t you make me feel alive?

- I | N |S | O | M | N | I | A -


“Insomnia” - the Veronicas


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/13/2008 4:17 AM (GMT -7)   

nono  PLEASE PLEASE do as Kitt said and talk to parents

BEFORE you have thoughts of harming self

 

My Daughter went thru something very horrid as did my self

Just this week

I beg you ........LYN

 

 BTW..Lil sis ..KITT had me calmed down in a bit but it was so painful to see .........

KNOWING Mom

And Still In Pain

 

              LYN


  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
 
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You
 
 
 
                    


Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 10/13/2008 6:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Try to be logical... and not worry too much. You didn't give the boy your exact address did you? Because if you didn't, there's probably a very good chance he can't find you or your family. Also, he lives in another country... and I probably don't need to tell you how high gas prices are these days...

Your worrying (especially considering the content of these nightmares) probably has a lot to do with the manifestation of these nightmares... So, I think if you can get that under control, you won't have so many nightmares...

I know what it's like to have nightmares all the time... When I was a kid, I'd have nightmares every night... Because I was afraid of being "taken away" (by the Division of Family Services... I was put into five different foster homes when I was a kid, and the repruccusions of that still haven't fully gone away)...

They only started to die down when I got over my fear of being taken away... And here's a couple of tips that got me to stop having nightmares completely...

1. Think of sweet, comfortable, gentle things before you go to bed and nothing else. Keep thinking of those things until you're asleep.

2. Get something to cuddle with. A teddy bear... another pillow... Something soft and huggable. It sounds kind of childish... but the last time I had a nightmare was when I had to throw away my cuddling pillow (because it had drool spots all over it... ahem). It was awful... but I got a new cuddling pillow and once again haven't had nightmares. I'm 20 years old. //^_^\\

3. Keep a nightmare journal. People are always saying to keep a dream journal, but what about nightmares? It might be helpful to write the nightmare down... and then underneath your nightmare... Write what you would've done if you could control it. Like... say you have a nightmare where someone is chasing you down with a knife... Well, guess what? Now, you're a witch and can turn him into a little ant you can squash all night long! Dreamworld. Anything can happen, remember that.
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


moreAmor
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 10/13/2008 9:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Celey - actually I did accidentally give him my address...I wanted to show him a picture of my house from the sky, one of the satellite pictures from Google, and I didn't know that when you give them the link it has your address in it...though even if I didn't give him my address I'd still be freaked out of him coming and getting me, because he hated my parents, really HATED them, talked about how they were destroying my life and lived to make me miserable and me being the very naive sixteen-year-old I believed him, anyway he said he'd find a way to get to my parents to lash out at them, so yeah...

I don't have any more thoughts of harming myself though, don't worry. I still don't know how I grew out of that. I just slowly lost the need to do it...which is good, because I was addicted to it for awhile. I'm hoping I won't fall back into it, so usually I try to stay away from things that could be dangerous.

Celey, I'll do the advice you gave me. I've gotten some great advice on HW and it has helped me. I still get the 'daymares', but I'm starting to not get nightmares every night. Or they're not as vivid, and when I wake up I know it's a dream. But the advice you gave me seems great, and I'll be sure to start doing that. Thank you so much :) And thank you everyone for helping me. It means so much to me.
I’m lonely; gotta look for a party
And dance with somebody tonight
Cuz I’m lonely; I feel empty inside
Can’t you make me feel alive?

- I | N |S | O | M | N | I | A -


“Insomnia” - the Veronicas


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 10/15/2008 7:00 AM (GMT -7)   
moreAmor,

Take steps to be safe, and then try to let go of the excess concern. I know from my experiences with abusive narcissists that they love to lash out with verbal threates - it's how they remind themselves they still have control over you - but that they're pretty reluctant to actually do anything that can be observed by anyone else, like stalk, or show up, or contact your parents or others. That exposes them for the monsters they really are, and they need to feel that they're special and better than everyone else.

So even though the threats can sound very frightening (and it's good to be prepared), they're actually pretty risky to the abuser's reputation, and that's something he values even more than his anger.

So again, be safe online in the future, be aware in general of your surroundings, and try to keep these episodes in perspective.

percycat

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/15/2008 7:54 AM (GMT -7)   

moreAmor,

Good Morning and Celey's advice was great as well as all the posts. I am glad your doing better. 

Remember nightmares cannot hurt you physically you but you can feel very anxious and afraid when your having one. They are very unpleasant and I understand your afraid of this person.  Remember on the Internet people will say anything as you have no idea of who they are and perhaps this is just some kid enjoying a cruel joke at your expense.  Please don't reply to him again.  He will go away if he does not get any response and go looking for someone else to prey on.

Laugh often, Dream big, Reach for the stars!

Gentle Hugs to you,

Kitt


 



 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


moreAmor
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 10/16/2008 8:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much percycat and Kitt. I hope you're right about the narcissists. I think one of the reasons why I'm having more nightmares lately is because our 'anniversary' is on November 1st - two years ago is when it began. So I worry that on November 1st he's going to come up here. But after reading what you said I feel a lot better. So thank you <3

I talked to my counselor about it today. She says that I should continue to talk to other people, including guys, to see that not everyone out there is like him. I hope so. Sometimes it's like whenever I look at someone I can see his face. It's awful. I really hope I can let him go for good.
I’m lonely; gotta look for a party
And dance with somebody tonight
Cuz I’m lonely; I feel empty inside
Can’t you make me feel alive?

- I | N |S | O | M | N | I | A -


“Insomnia” - the Veronicas


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 10/16/2008 9:38 PM (GMT -7)   

moreAmor,

I'm really glad you are having less nightmares. They can make the whole day seem "abnormal" or "not quite right". Everyone has given you some great advice. Please take care of yourself, no self harm please. You are part of our HW family now and we are looking out for you okay?

You are a Veronica's fan? I ran into them once at a gig in Sydney and they are soo teeny tiny. As small as me! We call them "the two ronnies" in australia! I love their music.

Take special care of special you :-)

Meg


Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
 

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