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Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 10/30/2008 1:43 PM (GMT -7)   
I have taken the day off work (im a high school teacher) and i feel soooo guilty. i moved back in with parents to save money and i get a guilt trip  nono   i have fibro and chronic sinusitis and today i just cant cope with a whole day on my feet. i really am sick, so why do i feel like a failure? i worry that the principal will not want to keep me on, as i struggle to work 5 days a week. i usually have at least 1 day off a fortnight, so i am unreliable. i just have this knot of anxiety in my stomach. i should have just gone to work and struggled through the day. i wish people knew how hard it is for me to work at all, let alone full time in a really demanding career (i teach behaviourally challenged teens).
its going to be 38degrees and there is no air con or even fans in my classroom and im overwhelmed by the heat and the stress. im good at my job, but my health keeps letting me down. my eardrum is ruptured, im in pain.
im sick of feeling sick, im tired of feeling guilty for being sick sad
'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovaries, Chronic ear/nose/throat infections, Panic Disorder, Reactive Arthritis, Agoraphobia, Migraines, GERD, Anaemia, Sinusitis, Chronically perforated eardrums, Pinched Nerves, IBS, Tachycardia, Allergies, Insomnia, Trichotilomania, Glandular Fever, Bursitis, Encapsulitis, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, Mild OCD.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Nexium. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie. XX.
 
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40598
   Posted 10/30/2008 3:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mazfire,

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time with work. I hope that you get your energy level up and feel better soon. I know that you fear losing your job, I am sure that there will be a warning first if it comes to that. But I can understand your fears.

Maybe you should take a week off and recouperate, would that help you? Have you been to the doctor?

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 10/30/2008 4:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Mazfire. I hope you're feeling better after the day off.

I know you've said that your classroom set-up doesn't help with your health. Try to shut the guilt trips down as soon as they start. You're trying, and guilt won't help.

Maybe you'll feel more proactive if you talk with your principal about your health? You certainly don't have to tell him things you'd prefer to keep private, but he may not understand the unpredicatble nature of your bouts. Also, is it possible for you to request a differnt classroom? Maybe it would help just being in a more comfortable climate (I think you've said that the first floor rooms aren't so bad?).

I think you might feel better about yourself if you can find some action to take that reminds you that you're not just being lazy, or mooching, or giving up. Try to find some way to share how much you care about doing a good job with those you fear think you're not - but *don't* give yourself any more guilt trips, okay? :)

percycat

Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 10/30/2008 5:37 PM (GMT -7)   

thankyou for support and suggestions. my principal knows i struggle physically, i was very upfront with him when i started at this school 3 years ago. they cant just fire me etc and i know teachers at my work who have more time off than i do, but i still wish i could manage a basic 5 day week like the majority of society. i used to nurse and that suited me well as shift work is flexible. but i love teaching.

Percycat, unfortunately i am stuck with that classroom. im not the only one at work with a sauna for a classroom- we have basically been told to deal with it, suck it up, cope and move on. its so unfair to expect the kids to behave and learn when i see the heat agitates them as much as it does me..

the guilt trip actually comes from my parents, my dad the most, who implies that i have a dodgy work ethic. ive tried reasoning and explainig and he still ends up being very cold to me if i have a day off. he knows and believes im sick, he thinks i should quit and find a career that isnt so demanding, but i love my job, it took me 4 yrs at uni to get my degree, and yes, the kids i teach are super rough around the edges, but im happy there.

considering my first pyschiatrist told me i would never function as a member of society due to the severity of my panic disorder, i feel i have come a very long way (i was 14 when he delivered that verdict). yes i am traumatised by my illnesses, both mental and physical but i am smart and focused and passionate about helping the kids from 'the wrong side of the tracks'.

thanks, peace & blessings,

Maz XX

p.s i should mention i have never had a panic attack at work smilewinkgrin which means i must be in the right place- i just feel like im irresponsible because im always sick (physically) and although the school has been very patient and tolerant, that can only last so long....


'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovaries, Chronic ear/nose/throat infections, Panic Disorder, Reactive Arthritis, Agoraphobia, Migraines, GERD, Anaemia, Sinusitis, Chronically perforated eardrums, Pinched Nerves, IBS, Tachycardia, Allergies, Insomnia, Trichotilomania, Glandular Fever, Bursitis, Encapsulitis, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, Mild OCD.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Nexium. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie. XX.
 
 


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 10/30/2008 9:21 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Maz,

I would have stayed home too. 38° and no air-con = crazy. You really shouldn't have to "suck it up". Do you have an OH&S rep at your school? I would contact them, or alert the dept of education about the lack of air-con. It's not legal for anyone to work in an environment with a temp of over 30° without air-con. Your school is breaking the law. You can dob them in anonymously. I know that might make you feel guilty as you probably like your colleagues but it can only be making your health problems worse.

Phone: (02) 9212 2302 is the number for the risk management dept.

I think you are amazing to have overcome so many challenges and still be working full time so please don't beat yourself up. You obviously have a great work ethic..it just may be that your body can't cope with a full work load right now. School breaks up mid Dec, maybe you could talk to your principal about coming back part time next year? I've had to opt out of full time work a few times because of my anxiety, and mostly my boss is happy for me to reduce my days rather than lose me as an employee.

I hope you are feeling a bit better after your day off and that the cool change hits soon. It's 22 and cold here today, so that should hit you tomorrow.

Hugs, Meg

 


Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
 


TeacherBetsy
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 10/31/2008 5:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Maz, I know how you feel about having finished your degree and wanting to do the work that you love. So frustrating when your mind wants to be there and your body will not cooperate. I hope you are feeling better now. As far as what you were told at 14 about being a functioning member of society, from what I can tell, not only are you functioning but you are enriching society by educating your students. I admire your persistence.

Take care,

Betsy (-:

Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 10/31/2008 7:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Maz!!! I hope you get to feeling better :) Just relax and try to have a good day. Put all the bad thoughts from your mind and live in the moment and do something special for yourself today :)
Dream as if you'll live forever. . . Live as if you will die today. . .
James Dean
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/31/2008 10:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Maz,

Now this is one of my "stupid thinkin" things I do and I have learned better through therapy but it still rears it's ugly head occasionally.

There are so many of us who are completely unaware of how self-defeating it is to  feel guilt.

Guilt is a normal emotion that passes through us when we believe we have done wrong. You have not done anything wrong, you were ill, you stayed home to take care of yourself.

Don't over think it, just let go of it and remember guilt is a wasted emotion and please don't beat yourself up for using your sick time. It is one of the benefits of your position.

Many hugs to you,

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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