thankyou for support and suggestions. my principal knows i struggle physically, i was very upfront with him when i started at this school 3 years ago. they cant just fire me etc and i know teachers at my work who have more time off than i do, but i still wish i could manage a basic 5 day week like the majority of society. i used to nurse and that suited me well as shift work is flexible. but i love teaching.
Percycat, unfortunately i am stuck with that classroom. im not the only one at work with a sauna for a classroom- we have basically been told to deal with it, suck it up, cope and move on. its so unfair to expect the kids to behave and learn when i see the heat agitates them as much as it does me..
the guilt trip actually comes from my parents, my dad the most, who implies that i have a dodgy work ethic. ive tried reasoning and explainig and he still ends up being very cold to me if i have a day off. he knows and believes im sick, he thinks i should quit and find a career that isnt so demanding, but i love my job, it took me 4 yrs at uni to get my degree, and yes, the kids i teach are super rough around the edges, but im happy there.
considering my first pyschiatrist told me i would never function as a member of society due to the severity of my panic disorder, i feel i have come a very long way (i was 14 when he delivered that verdict). yes i am traumatised by my illnesses, both mental and physical but i am smart and focused and passionate about helping the kids from 'the wrong side of the tracks'.
thanks, peace & blessings,
p.s i should mention i have never had a panic attack at work which means i must be in the right place- i just feel like im irresponsible because im always sick (physically) and although the school has been very patient and tolerant, that can only last so long....
I would have stayed home too. 38° and no air-con = crazy. You really shouldn't have to "suck it up". Do you have an OH&S rep at your school? I would contact them, or alert the dept of education about the lack of air-con. It's not legal for anyone to work in an environment with a temp of over 30° without air-con. Your school is breaking the law. You can dob them in anonymously. I know that might make you feel guilty as you probably like your colleagues but it can only be making your health problems worse.
Phone: (02) 9212 2302 is the number for the risk management dept.
I think you are amazing to have overcome so many challenges and still be working full time so please don't beat yourself up. You obviously have a great work ethic..it just may be that your body can't cope with a full work load right now. School breaks up mid Dec, maybe you could talk to your principal about coming back part time next year? I've had to opt out of full time work a few times because of my anxiety, and mostly my boss is happy for me to reduce my days rather than lose me as an employee.
I hope you are feeling a bit better after your day off and that the cool change hits soon. It's 22 and cold here today, so that should hit you tomorrow.
Now this is one of my "stupid thinkin" things I do and I have learned better through therapy but it still rears it's ugly head occasionally.
There are so many of us who are completely unaware of how self-defeating it is to feel guilt.
Guilt is a normal emotion that passes through us when we believe we have done wrong. You have not done anything wrong, you were ill, you stayed home to take care of yourself.
Don't over think it, just let go of it and remember guilt is a wasted emotion and please don't beat yourself up for using your sick time. It is one of the benefits of your position.
Many hugs to you,
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*