How do you deal with people / social problems?

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/2/2008 4:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Im new to this sort of thing. I had decided over the last few days that I have problems when it comes to people. I am considering going to see the university councellor about this (the one I saw before about another problem two years ago) but my impatience and tearfulness this evening has made me find this site, even though I can go and book a councellor appointment tomorrow morning.
The problems are based around my university enviroment, in which I work in a student chiropractic clinic (85 students in total) and general social problems.
To sum up the problems,
1) I have no close friends in the area which I can go out to pubs and clubs with (despite numerous attemts to get some)
2) My clinic team, 20 people whom I share clinic duties with I do not get on with
3) I feel like a social reject when at the clinic when I am not included in peoples social activities
4) I have lost interest in some of what I used to enjoy doing as liesure activities like cycling, swimming
5) I generally get quickly bored with the company I do find and subsequently stop doing things with these people
6) I feel afraid to ask the people that I think I will get on better with if I can join in with thier social activities (due to concluding that they will think badly of me for asking)
7) I disregard people as possible friends because they are friends of my housemates as I would be interfering with my housemates freinds
8)I look at my self when in clinic and see the shy bullied child from back at primary and secondary school
9) I am able to stand up to people who are obviously taking advantage of my shyness.
But besides all this I have a handful of very good freinds, but none of them I can go out in the evening with because they either live miles away or are not into that sort of thing.
Thanks for reading.

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/2/2008 4:46 PM (GMT -6)   

A Warm HW welcome to you Pink..........the ppl here are very supportive and will help you out if they can .........

YOU are definitely not alone with most of what you have posted nono and I do know many will and can relate to what you are saying........

 Social scenes and making friends out of the workplace or in general seems to be a hard thing for us a/p'er's to do at times........

 Is there a specific reason you do not get on with your clinic workers ( you dont have to answer)

 IMHO some of us are worried that others wil see the face we put on to deal with this DD on a daily basis ....we dont want them to see us vulnerable .....'

At least that is me

You seem to have some childhood issues that have yet to be dealt with hence the "shy " person and the young one that was bullied

I do hope you will STAY with us

Get to know us and I know we can show you ways of coping

Look at Resources at the topthere is Cognitive behavioural Therapy which I am doing and so many others are doing and have had success with it

Wknds are sometimes slower around here but I am sure you wil get more posts to help you out ..........


THIS really is a great "family" here and I around to find that out for yourself..........LYN



  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
    We Have Anxiety / Panic ..Anxiety / Panic DO NOT have US 
 You have To Have Some Laughter as Well as Those Tears IMHO         

Green Grove
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 11/2/2008 6:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Pink :)

You have made a wonderful step by joining this forum :) And what I'm trying to do with people is when the scary thoughts come, you know those "irrational ones" I see it for what it is and move on to what I'm doing. . . Just realize that the panic attacks and anxiety can not hurt you. . . It is actually no more than an aerobic workout for your heart :) You will be okay :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort :)
God Bless Each & Every One Of You :)

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 11/2/2008 6:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome Pink, I'm glad you've found us... I work at a university as well and understand that it can be a tough environment at times... so much going on at once and seeming like everyone else has it all figured out and knows how to handle things, when in fact they don't. I hope you'll keep posting here so we can all help each other and get to know you better.

Betsy (-:

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/2/2008 10:22 PM (GMT -6)   


Hello and Welcome to HealingWell. I am Kitt. idea

Social phobia is a personality disorder and needs to be treated by a professional psychotherapist or physician so you can overcome it easier.

The most effective way for most members to recover from this disorder is to use psychotherapy, take a cognitive behavioral therapy and if you follow the therapy you will be able to see great results.

Learn communication skills, there are many courses like books, audios and videos about how to communicate better with people, create conversations, persuade people and be more confident, this will help you a lot to have more confidence when talking with some else. Learn relaxation and mediation techniques like breathing deeply, yoga, exercise and any other techniques that help you cope with anxiety symptoms.

Expose your self gradually to social situation, its highly effective to little by little meet some new people, go to some public places, talk with someone you don’t usually talk with that will cause you to be more comfortable talking with others over time.

Meet new people that have your same hobbies and interest, the easiest way to engage in a conversation with others is to talk about something that you have in common to meet these people, do things that you like to do and meet people that do the same.

If you read the experience of other people in the forum you will find lots of members that are going through exactly the same thing you are.
Welcome to your new family of friends.
Keep on talking to us.  turn
Again a warm welcome.


Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1009
   Posted 11/3/2008 8:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Great advice from Kitt. One thing I would also suggest is to seek out people with similiar interests as you. With the internet you can probably search for groups on your campus and in your general vicinity. Maybe you can find a group of bicycling enthusiasts. Try to put yourself out there a little more. I know it's hard, believe me, I've been there (I'm still there sometimes :-)). What helps me is asking myself, "What's the worst thing that can happen if I ask this person to join me for drinks or a bite to eat?". The worst thing they can say is "no" and then you are no worse or better off than if you hadn't asked them.

There was a book that I had to read in college that really helped me. It's called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnagie. It's a short book with common sense ideas that we sometimes don't remember to use. The most important idea I took from that book was to ask people questions about themselves and show a sincere interest in them. For me, I would feel so self conscious about what I was saying and feeling that I had a hard time focusing on what the other person was saying. Concentrating on asking THEM questions and listening to THEIR responses actually took some pressure off of me and made me feel more relaxed. Everyone likes to talk about themselves and you'd be suprised how easily it is to connect with someone if you give them that opportunity. Hope this helps. Sorry that you are having such a hard time right now. I know it's tough being away from home and established friends. Hang in there!

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/3/2008 10:43 AM (GMT -6)   

Great advice Paniccu.  I have read that book also and it is about communication.  People do like to talk about themselves and when they are talking make eye contact with them so they know you are listening. If I am talking with someone whose eyes are roaming the room, I do not feel they are interested in talking to me so I excuse myself.

The members have given you great advice.............start with little steps.

Stick with us and take care.



Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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