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Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 11/4/2008 2:31 AM (GMT -7)   
The first time i stayed in a pyschiatric hospital, my aunt and uncle visited me. my uncle was a paranoid schizophrenic with bipolar. He suffered greatly, but at the same time he was well medicated and was a positive, driving force in my life. Whenever i was down, anxious, not coping, i would pick up the phone and call him, night and day. He was always there for me.
 
They brought me flowers and a card, and told me to read the card after they had left. It was a beautiful card, with roses on the front, and the caption "I love you." I opened it, fully expecting to see my aunt and uncles names, however there was just one word in my uncle's handwriting: "Jesus".  It still brings me to tears, seeing it.
 
My precious uncle was diagnosed with terminal cancer @ age 50, in 2006. March the 1st, to be exact. They were hesitant in telling me about it, fearing i would collapse emotionally, knowing the bond we shared. Our whole family was devastated, he was my dad's baby brother and he was a source of support, strength and encouragement for me.
So on March 1st, 2006 we were told he had 6-9 months to live. He died April 1st 2006. yes: we had exactly 4 weeks with him. and he died on april fools day- a bitter irony. he accepted his fate with dignity and courage. he showed no fear, but peace. he told us not to cry. he wanted his funeral to be a celebration of his life, full of music (he was a professional guitarist) and love and laughter.
 
My dad didnt feel he could give a eulogy- so i did. in the lead up to the funeral i was anxious, nervous, scared that my knees would literally give way in front of 450 mourners, i panicked the entire week- i panicked when i saw the pallbearers (my dad, his son, his son-in-law, his best man etc) carry his coffin in and place it directly infront of where i was sitting. i lost it momentarily- the coffin looked too small to fit him. but i did it.  i spoke on behalf of my father, and said my own goodbyes, to a man that fought the social stigma of mental illness his entire adult life. i was calm, collected and felt a genuine sense of peace mingled with my grief. instead of flowers, we asked that donations be made to both Schizophrenia Australia and the Cancer Council. people were very receptive to this.
 
He left behind a wife and 2 amazing kids, but he also left a gaping hole in my heart, because through all the adversity, he taught me to never be ashamed of having a mental illness. he taught me to face it head on and never apologise for who i am.
Those 4 weeks with him will remain forever with me, as i watched his face, serene as he slipped into a coma- he was calm, at peace with the world. not an angry word, no "why me?", no regrets.
 
If i can be half as strong as he was, i will have done him proud.
 
Maz XX


'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovaries, Chronic ear/nose/throat infections, Panic Disorder, Reactive Arthritis, Agoraphobia, Migraines, GERD, Anaemia, Sinusitis, Chronically perforated eardrums, Pinched Nerves, IBS, Tachycardia, Allergies, Insomnia, Trichotilomania, Glandular Fever, Bursitis, Encapsulitis, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, Mild OCD.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Nexium. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie. XX.
 
 

Post Edited (Mazfire) : 11/4/2008 2:46:33 PM (GMT-7)


badfish
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 393
   Posted 11/4/2008 4:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow that is quite inspiring, your uncle must have been quite an amazing person. That how i try and live my never be ashamed of A/P, its who i am cant change that just have to accept it. My mum paranoid schizophrenic so i have idea of hoe hard that illness is to live with and also some of the social stigma that goes with it.

Maz was it u who had the aerosmith quote in your signature because Ive been quoting it to every1 :P
 


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 11/4/2008 4:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Nope, no aerosmith from me
Maz XX :-)
'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovaries, Chronic ear/nose/throat infections, Panic Disorder, Reactive Arthritis, Agoraphobia, Migraines, GERD, Anaemia, Sinusitis, Chronically perforated eardrums, Pinched Nerves, IBS, Tachycardia, Allergies, Insomnia, Trichotilomania, Glandular Fever, Bursitis, Encapsulitis, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, Mild OCD.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Nexium. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie. XX.
 
 


badfish
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 393
   Posted 11/4/2008 5:37 AM (GMT -7)   
lol darn i could have sworn it was :P
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/4/2008 8:37 AM (GMT -7)   

Maz,

I think you have done your Uncle proud with your sharing of his story and carrying on his memory. You were very brave to do his eulogy when you have A & P.  I know he is watching over you.

Bless you
Kitt


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 11/4/2008 8:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Maz,

That was a beautiful story. I am sure that your uncle is watching over you now. I am sorry that you lost him. But I feel you carry on his strengths.

Thinking of you,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Marie-Claire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 11/4/2008 10:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Maz.... Thank you soooo very much for sharing that story. If you don't mind... I'm going to copy it... only if that is ok with you. I have a book(journal) where I write things that have touched me in a special way... I'd like to include your uncle's story.... his legacy to you... to all of us now that you have shared it. It brought tears to my eyes because of the sheer power of this wonderful man's spirit!
Let me know if it is ok for me to keep this special story.
Mary
P.s.
Your uncle must have been glowing with pride when he saw his beautiful niece give his eulogy... bet he was holding you up through the whole thing. !!!and grinning from ear to ear... chearing on your courage and determination.
51 yr.old retired RN,Crohn's D for last35 yrs..severe esophagitis, migraines,strictures,urethral stricture,depression,probable MS.,RLS, arthritis, PTSD ,general anxiety disorder.
 
 


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 11/4/2008 1:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Another beautiful and inspiring story Maz :) Thank you for sharing that with all of us :) Take care of yourself now, and I hope you are feeling better today.
Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort :)
Sam
 
God Bless Each & Every One Of You :)


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 11/4/2008 2:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Mary, please feel free to copy/print this. he was an amazing man who faced so many demons and battles and he never gave up, refused to apologise for being 'mentally ill'. but he also never let his illness define him.
he was unable to work full time because his meds had harsh side effects, so for years he delivered meals on wheels, and was a volunteer 'taxi' driver for elderly and impaired people that couldnt drive themselves to doctors appointments etc.
 
 he saw the good in people. he had his dark moments like all of us, but the way he faced death was like nothing ive ever seen- and i used to nurse in oncology, so i understand cancer first hand. he asked one thing of God as he lay in his hospital bed dying- that God would give him the strength to not be fearful. and it worked. he had no fear, just peaceful, honest acceptance, and gratitude for the 50yrs he had lived.
 
 my family and his family grew up living on the same 6 acres of land, so my cousins were my neighbours, we are a very close family. His daughter is a singer and she sung as the coffin was walked down the aisle, with his son, my dad (his brother) his son-in-law and his best man from his wedding carrying him. the funeral was truly a celebration of his life and i gave a eulogy and his daughter did his life sketch- she included/mentioned his history of depression, illness, bipolar etc- because that was a large part of who he was.
 
I am blessed to have had those 4wks with him. he showed me that faith prevails.
Maz XX


'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovaries, Chronic ear/nose/throat infections, Panic Disorder, Reactive Arthritis, Agoraphobia, Migraines, GERD, Anaemia, Sinusitis, Chronically perforated eardrums, Pinched Nerves, IBS, Tachycardia, Allergies, Insomnia, Trichotilomania, Glandular Fever, Bursitis, Encapsulitis, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, Mild OCD.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Nexium. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie. XX.
 
 

Post Edited (Mazfire) : 11/4/2008 2:50:18 PM (GMT-7)


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 11/4/2008 3:09 PM (GMT -7)   

Maz,

What a truly inspirational story. You and your uncle obviously posess the same fighting kahoonas!! You have every right to be proud..thanks for sharing.

Meg


Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
 

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