Adult content: Sex and Anxiety

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polecat82
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/24/2008 12:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello. I am a new member who has been struggling with anxiety for many years. I feel like I am running out of resources and this seems like an active, friendly forum so I hope I will find someone who can relate and provide their own insight in respect to my specific issue.

General anxiety has been a problem for most of my life, I've sought counseling and taken different medications for this, and thankfully this problem has slowly diminished over the course of the last two years. However, nervousness and panic is still a prevalent and painful aspect of my life wherever it comes to sexual activity. Whenever the opportunity to have intercourse with a woman presents itself, I get stage fright. I begin to overthink things, thoughts of failure fill my head and despite my best effort, it is usually impossible to quell this negative thinking and achieve an _____These embarrassing failures only come to mind the next time things are going well with a woman, the process repeats, and it's caused me to avoid seeking relationships altogether as of late.

I am in my mid twenties and although physically I am quite healthy, my doctor prescribed me Levitra, suggesting that this might help me get over this "confidence hump" and help me enjoy normal sexual relationships, and even though it's helped me successfully sustain an --_______
 
enjoying sex is still difficult because I am still preoccupied with being successful and pleasing my partner.

It's awful, and frustrating, and I'm not sure how I will get through it. Again, if anyone has any insight, or advice, I'd be very grateful if you could impart some words. This is embarrassing to talk about, but I am at my wits end, and I'd do just about anything to enjoy normal relationships without failure lingering on the horizon every time.
 
Welcome and do not be embarrassed.I edited out a couple of words as 13 yr olds are members here too and I know they read on internet all kinds of things this is family oriented
I hope you understand
'Please know you are in good hands here and the ppl here are very supportive caring and will give you input on this ..........Email me if you would like a further explanation as to edit ...

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 11/24/2008 12:28:49 PM (GMT-7)


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 11/24/2008 4:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Polecat, welcome to HW,
We are a supportive community and please feel free to share any issues you have about anxiety.  We understand it here!! smilewinkgrin
You live with GAD? It sounds like you have the symptoms that go with it.  Possibly I am not the best person to be answering your questions, however, I understand the debilitating nature of anxiety. I don't have the experience to advise you on your current problem being a chick and all!!
 
I think you have hit the nail on the head with your "overthinking" my friend. Our worst enemy is to constantly analyse what has been and what has to come. We need to learn to switch this part of our brain off, and whe you learn it please email me!! I wish I could give you better information but I am sure that some of our male members will be along soon with advice.
 
Meg
 
 
 
 
 
Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor
 


badfish
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 393
   Posted 11/24/2008 6:44 AM (GMT -7)   

Anxiety causes premature ejaculation as the chemicals released in the brain increase the speed at which sperm move through the tubes. However SSRIs have the opposite effect. Taking SSRIs for a long time can screw up the system. The more confidence you get, the less anxious you will be so the longer you will last. I think its just a case of practice makes perfect.

I really hope i dont want to sound contrasending here, but all women are different i have met girls who really works with and some who it really doesn't. Point is dont be too disheartened if it hasn't go with one girl as next girl is likely to be completely different.

Goodluck my friend

Badfish

 Sorry I hit wrong edit ........LOL turn


Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 11/24/2008 8:48:49 AM (GMT-7)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/24/2008 8:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Great to have you with us and
I am sure that the thinking about your performance is your worst enemy

Please do stay with us
I will come back as I have an eye appointment am sorry ...and will post more to you then

Be well and I will be back and so will others

Luvs
LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/24/2008 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Polecat,

Hello and welcome to HealingWell. I am Kitt. There are solutions to the problem of ED so keep the faith and think positive.

Psychological and behavioural responses to ED can lead to a vicious cycle of increased uneasiness, panic and decreased self esteem.  This is a issue that affects the lives of many men, you are not alone with this issue.

ED often results from a combination of different causes, which comprise of organic and psychogenic factors.

In addition to life stressors resulting in anxiety, erectile problems themselves can lead to specific anxiety. Performance anxiety, resulting from the patient's concerns over his erectile response and durability of his ______, is always present even if at different levels.

Performance anxiety leads to increasing anxiety and increasing ED resulting in a vicious cycle of failure and escalating anxiety/panic.

Sexual anxiety counselling along with the Levitra and checking the side effects of any of your meds may break cycle your stuck in right now.

Please remember _______ are a reflex response. They  are not under the conscious control of the mind. 

What may help you best is to relax, seek situations creating desire and arousal and to focus on positive images rather than anticipate failure. This may be assisted using pharmacotherapy as success will breed success.

ED leads to frustration which may result in irritation. Psychosexual counselling is one of the best ways to deal with your feelings. Resource: Hale VE, Strassberg DS

I hope some of this helps you and please know that you are wise and brave in seeking help with your issue.

I hope that you  can break out of your cycle and remember you are a good man and this does not make you less of a man.

Take care

Kitt

 



 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Post Edited (stkitt) : 11/24/2008 12:41:29 PM (GMT-7)


freezinginAK
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1052
   Posted 11/24/2008 1:52 PM (GMT -7)   

  Hi polecat,

  I'm in some way's in the same boat as you are but in other way's I did not get to read all of your post as it was edited before I was able to get on line.

  First are you on any anti-depression meds? As this can make a big differace in your sex life and just from feeling your own heart beat has a tendency to stop you dead in your tracks as well, As a male member I have gone though a lot

  Please feel free to e-mail me on this, I'm not a doctor but I have gone though many things and A/P dose have a hard time with making love

  Sorry it I don't get back to you right away as I'm having a hard time with my eyes right now

  Cowboy up


   Forum Moderator A/P
 
  Happiness is sitting around a warm campfire with no worries or cares as day turns to night.
 
  Help Healing Well grow as your donations are greatly appreciated @
          www.healingwell.com/donate
  Anxiety/Panic, CFS, CNS damage, MCS, Diabetes type 2, RLS, DDD, CP, Fibro, and still a limbo lander of other things and gettin tested all to time by neruo
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/24/2008 2:55 PM (GMT -7)   
HI again
I am so glad you are getting the input you are ........

All that was edited was E ....as in dysfuntion....
.we have to keep this family friendly and I know ppl need...

I know you will come and read these posts or at least I do hope you will and there is NO judgement here at all .....
PLEASE do stay with us ......LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN


polecat82
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/25/2008 1:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow, thank you very much for the kind and generous words. I'm very humbled by the comforting reception. I apologize if I should have used more discretion in choosing the words for my first post, I'll bear this in mind from here out.

To answer some of the questions posed, right now the only med I am taking is 1mg Clonazepam nightly, which has helped greatly with general anxiety over the course of it's use. I'd really rather not have to rely on medicine for my entire life however, and the pills on their own don't seem to be helping me much with my specific problem.

Until I recently changed jobs and insurance, I was seeing a (Kaiser) counselor, but his advice and exercises weren't filling me with much confidence. I am presently searching for another counselor inside of my new insurance network, but I am concerned that again the sessions aren't going to yield much of an improvement for me.

It's a very embarrassing aspect of my life, and especially shaming to me to explain away my insufficiency to my partner and at my age. I feel that if I can work my way through it I'll feel ten times happier and more confident. I understand that it probably isn't great to place such an emphasis on ONE problem, but sometimes we just can't help the way we feel and unfortunately in this case I just can't shake these anxious, negative feelings despite my best effort.

I'm not giving up hope yet, but I am becoming more desperate in my attempts to overcome this. I am just glad to see that I've tripped over such a kind community here that may yield me some small comfort or answers during this struggle. Thanks again very much for your kind input and support.

-polecat

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/25/2008 4:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Polecat
WE are also glad you found us
PPL have to talk about all aspects of life and this is a biggie IMHO
You will be okay I am sure of it
That med could cause some ED I think but not sure
Ask your doc

Only he /she is a professional
BUT we will be here to support you thru this okay
Join in other threads and intro yourself......
Take care

Welcome again......You will luv the caring support and sharing along with the great members here yeah

LYN


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 11/25/2008 6:11:55 AM (GMT-7)


badfish
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 393
   Posted 11/25/2008 6:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Btw Welcome Polecat :P 
 

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