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Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 11/24/2008 9:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi all,
 
I haven't been on here for a while, since things had been going extremely well.  But, I've hit a bit of a road bump and could use some support.  I just moved in with my boyfriend and now I can't help but feel trapped.  I've always been a very independant woman and now I don't feel like I have any sort of out, since I'm living in his house.  We've talked about this quite a bit even before I moved in and he's done his best to make room for me.  But, I still don't have a functioning closet to put my clothes in and there is still dust in a lot of areas, which I'm allergic to.  We're in the process of remodeling a 200 year old house, so there is still a lot of projects to do!
 
I've spend the last five days cleaning, packing, and moving.  And now, I'm feeling a bit let down, but mostly anxious.  I mean what if this doesn't work out?  What if he wakes up one day and decides he doesn't love me anymore and just kicks me out? 
 
That's what happened when I was engaged to a different man when I was 23.  I'm now 34.  Back then, my ex decided that he "didn't want to go down this path anymore" and asked for the ring he gave me back.  I was devestated.  I don't want to put myself in a vunderable situation again.
 
Any advice?  Is this just cold feet?  Or am I just freaking out since this is such a big step and I need some time to adjust?  We just moved all my stuff in yesterday and I still need to clean my apartment and move a few more things out of there before we head off to visit my parents for Thanskgiving.   shakehead

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/24/2008 4:59 PM (GMT -7)   
SAD

Me thinks you may be having some anticipatory anxiety ........
Yes it is a big step but you did not go in blind right and I know that once you get settled and get to know his ways and all your ways ( him) things will or should be okay

There is alot of anxiety in moving to begin with and then when you were independant all that time and now you are in his house that is going to cause more

DID you both talk about this as it was going to be YOUR house and HIS........
You cannot feel like an intruder and you know a/p er's thats what will happen if you dont calm yourself a bit take a big breath in and know ITS going to be okay IMHO

You are sounding both tired yet excited about remodelling that house and I bet once ya get the dust out and have a space for your clothes and make the "YOU" area you will feel more at home honey

Yes you are having a touch of cold feet too anyone that does this would and rightly so .........IMHO

Ya know Howie is gone all the time and now I feel he is and he feels he is an intruder in own home
BUT thats because I deal with all that goes on here

AS you said you's did talk about this and I can tell you are a wee bit excited lol........

Let the pennies drop.........IT will all work out sweety

keep posting daily if you want and keep us up in how things are going .........

I wish you and him all the best in your relationship and HOME......... smilewinkgrin

Hey maybe have a housewarming party for both your friends ( yours /his ).....a get to know ..... idea ...

Once you have calmed and settled in of course....... turn

Luvs

LYN


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 11/24/2008 5:15:53 PM (GMT-7)


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 11/24/2008 5:07 PM (GMT -7)   
SadSong,

It is a very big step, so no wonder you're nervous. And you feel displaced because you're not settled in yet, feels even worse because he is settled in. Likely, that makes you feel left out, sort of at his whim. And not being able to control our environment is a big trigger for some of us A/P folks.

Also, your history is bound to make this a hot button for you.

I went through something similar - moving in together, adjusting to the new setting, it was already my place - and it was pretty rough for bit during one of my bad anxiety flares. But as we adjusted, things went more smoothly. The newness is a big stressor, so I'd say just take some deep breaths when you're feeling overwhelmed, try to calm yourself, and realize that nothing "make or break" will happen to your relationship all of a sudden. If difficulties do arise, you'll have plenty of time to see them coming and try to compromise with him about them.

percycat

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/25/2008 6:16 AM (GMT -7)   
...Sadsong
Just wondering how you are making out hun and are ya feeling a bit more comfy

I hope you read the posts

take care and keep posting to let us know what is going on

Luvs
LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/25/2008 5:27 PM (GMT -7)   

Sadsong,

You have been given great advice and lots of support.  Remember to kick the what if's to the curb, stay in the moment and do not anticipate the worse.

Your Ex was a fool for dumping you and someone will dump him, then he will understand......maybe?

You go and enjoy your holiday and keep us updated.

Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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TeacherBetsy
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 11/26/2008 6:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sadsong, it's never easy to make a new start in life and it sounds like you're going through a big transition right now. I sure can see how anticipatory anxiety would come into a situation like this as you and your boyfriend get used to sharing and remodeling a new home, and as you learn to live in a new environment and find what you need to change in it to make it habitable for you. As for your break-up at 23, yes, that is painful, but you have moved forward, and hopefully your new life will work out for you and your boyfriend as you take this path together. Keep us posted and take it a day at a time.

Betsy
Dx Crohn's Disease 1996
Have taken Prednisone, Pentasa, Rowasa, and Asacol
Currently on Asacol 2400 mg daily to manage remission
 
 

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