I'm getting goosebumps. I moved back in with my mother at your age (marriage break-up n other stuff) and I felt like such a failure. I'm not trying to turn this into me okay?! I'm just saying I have walked a similar path. IMHO parents adore having th kids back home, if nothing better than to chastise their eating behaviour and lack of appropriate socks!!
I'm not trying to make light of your situation. It's daunting at the very least. I suppose this is a mixed blessing. You have more time to take care of your health, but also less money = less freedom. I know you to be smart, capable, and amazing in the short time I have known you and adversity will not stand in your path. Still. Your path has some roadblocks and grumpy trolls to pass.
We are all unsure in this time. This is just my thing, but I believe there is my business (what i can control) - other peoples business (none of my bizzo) and God's business (or your higher power) which is not my plan but the one set out for me. I can't change other people or their thoughts, but I can change my "business"..which means..I chart my own destiny..but I accept what comes to me. I don't advocate being placid, but I think to fight reality just causes us pain. Maz, my new friend. Let life carry you for a while, let your family love and care for you as it is so precious a gift.
Take care of your health, number one priority, follow you passions and don't feel you are a burden. Ever. You are a gift at HW as I am sure you are a gift to all your friends, family and co-workers..don't let the negativity sink in. You are one special chick (I can say that cos I'm Aussie!)
Hugs honey..email me okay?
Good Morning Maz,
I understood every word you wrote. I wore my mask all the 26 years I worked, no one had any idea how anxious and sad I felt, how much of a failure I felt for being weak. Now I realize I am not a failure but what this anxiety and Depression does to me makes me continue to wear the mask.
I have done the same with credit cards. I love to help people and giving to someone makes me happy.
There was a time when I had many good years but now I have had 3 years of feeling like I am on a roller coaster.
You may come here any time you want to vent, to share and to ask for help.
Your so right, we know what your going through and where your coming from.
Take it one day at a time and believe. Yes I am a believer in prayer so you are on my prayer list and trust that the power of prayer will lift you up.
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*
after a night punctuated with tossing and turning and physical Fibro pain, i woke up with a thumping headache, earache and a red raw throat. yuk.
thankyou SO much my beautiful HW family. your words of encouragement prop me up when i am feeling weak on the inside, when its a struggle to put one foot infront of the other. i know there is light at the end of the tunnel, it just seems so far away at times and being sick just HURTS.
thankyou to each and every one of you, you have helped me immensely. got to get ready for work now- its going to be 35 degrees, way too hot and i teach an 8 period day, no time to scratch myself, let alone sit down and relax.
p.s Meg i will email you XX
You still haven't broken up for term? (((gentle hugs))) what pure ...
I guess 35° isn't going to help that fibro or the migraine..but bless..it's friday. It's 11am here now and so you are probably having morning tea..I am sending love and healing thoughts your way from down here in S.A. my sweet friend.
The school day will be over in four hours and you will get to go home and rest your head for the weekend (well except for grading - wish I could help)..I hope this is the last day of term and you can put yourself first for a while.
Know that your HW family is right beside you..keeping you safe.
thanks again guys, im so used to being in control of my A/P. it doesnt shake me to my core every moment of my life anymore, but at the moment, its pushing back into my life with ferocity. its enviromental, physical stress, work... i can only do so much and i often feel i dont DO enough when in actuality i push myself too hard because ive come to expect more of myself- and i dont want my facade to fail me, i dont want society to pity me, or think of me as frail, cos frail i am NOT.
but struggling i AM. still have an upset tummy that has kept me running to the bathroom today, (up and down 2 flights of stairs to my classroom and back )
Meg, i still have TWO weeks left. i finish on dec 19th. its ridiculous. i hurt my back at work today, my own fault, as an ex nurse, i should know how to lift properly, but i lifted a crate of textbooks and my lower back muscles are spasming as i type.
where can you go to resign from this illness? please tell me that i can return it, like an overdue film. ive watched it, lived it, been hurt and sickened by it, and now i want to return it, i dont care about the late fees, i just want it back on the shelf and out of my life! i wont rate it, it doesnt even get 1 star. this film BITES!
thankyou for supporting me thru all this mess, thankyou for helping me wade through the debris and rubbish as we fight to find the surface and breathe free and easy- no more being trapped, no more choking on fear that we didnt ask for...
Much love to my HW family. you are a blessing in this girl's life!
Maz 'the conquerer' XX-
AKA Maz 'the nervous wreck' but i will get thru this.