I am so truly sorry for the loss of your brother. What you experienced when you found him was very traumatic and now you are dealing with the loss and I don't believe that three weeks is nearly enough for you to deal with all of that.
My father died suddenly about 15 years ago and I was affected very extremely. I was so, so sad, I had trouble sleeping, my anxiety went through the roof and I had panic attacks all the time, especially when I left the house. After a particularly bad panic attack while I was driving, which landed me in the er, I became agoraphobic and didn't leave my house for almost 2 years.
In my opinion, the loss of someone and the grief that you feel can overwhelm you and make the p/a really flare up. I can understand that you don't want to take anti-depressants and of course that is your choice, but I would be careful as time passes to keep a close eye on how you are doing as far as getting out, socializing, etc as you don't want to fall into a hole that you cannot get out of.
Give yourself some time to grieve your loss, allow your feelings to be there and use your cbt to help deal with the anxiety issues. No one can put a time limit on grief, some grieve longer than others, so only you will know when you are starting to deal with the loss and feel better. You will in time, but for right now, as long as you don't let yourself backslide to much, I think that what you are feeling is completely normal.
Grief is a normal and healthy response to loss, not an illness. Its symptoms are painful, but they serve an adaptive purpose. Most grief runs its course with the support of your friends/family. However, there is no time limit on how long you grieve, it does not just turn off at the one year mark. I will grieve for my son all of my life but I have learned to remember the good times and talk about him. I celebrate that he was loved by so many and be thankful I had him as my son.
Remember recovery is often a slow and continual process, that can take years. Do it your way but try to make it cleansing and helpful for you.
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*
you have been through such an ordeal! my heart goes out to you. there is NO set time on grieving, it is a personal, individual thing, that i believe lasts for years- not 3wks. you have every right to be hurting and to feel heavy with grief. allow yourself to mourn, but also think of the positive memories you have with your brother. maybe your husband isnt a great communicator- im sure he doesnt intend to hurt you, but it DOES hurt and like i said, you are entitled to grieve, and to grieve YOUR way.
having fibro doesnt help- i have it also and thats a huge battle on its own, let alone adding grief and loss to the mix.
please take care and know that i am thinking of you- you WILL get through this. Maz XX
What you are going through is sad, miserable, but normal. The anxiety and fear of mortality is very common when a close friend/family member dies. I wish I could give you a big hug, but well..I can't! I don't normally advocate anything written but "don't kiss them goodbye" by allison dubois is a wonderful book to help you work through grief. I hope I haven't offended you by suggesting this. I just know it helps me realise that there is never a final goodbye.
I want to thank ALL of you for your kind, comforting responses. You are all so very compassionate. And I guess that was what I was looking for, because I sure dont get it at home here. I feel so much better after reading all of your posts. A friend told me last night..."this is your grief, you own it, no one else does, and no one can take it from you or control how your feel". That made so much sense to me,as did all your posts. I talked to my brothers son last night and after three weeks of running around (he was in the process of moving into a new house, he had a new baby a month ago, and two days after my brother died, his beautiful 7 yr old lab laid down one night and just passed away, my brother didnt leave a will).......so my nephew is starting the grieving process just now. I told him to just let is all out, and he sobbed for a good hour, and he NEEDED that. It made me feel better to help him sort thru his feelings. I know to take one day at a time. I know its the holidays, and I know I have things to do. I guess I will try and do some of my baking next week. I told my husband I wanted a very quiet Christmas day, just with the immediate family.(I have a new daughter in law ). I just had Thanksgiving for his family (15) and it was tooooo much for me. It took me several days to recover. My husband says to keep busy and stay busy. I havent stopped doing one thing, I still do the every day chores, even though its an effort.
Thanks for reading my post. You ladies are the BEST!!!! Its nice to be able to relate to others, and to those who have lost a loved one,my heart goes out to you.
God bless you all
Thank you Gail and Karen.
Karen, am so sorry to hear about your nephew. How terrbily SAD!!!
I am looking into a support group. They have one at the hospital I volunteer at, so maybe this will help. I will see my psychologist on Monday and see what she has to say. I dont feel depressed, as I am up early every day doing normal things, but the overwhelming feelings of SADNESS is sometimes unbearable. My son is a minister and he has been a wonderful help to me, helping me understand life and death.
In time, the pain will go away, I know it will. But right now, its just so fresh, and being the holidays........my brother loved Christmas. We found a new saw and lumber in his basement. He was going to make a doll house for his new granddaughter. He had the plans all drawn out.She is just 5 weeks old and he loved her so much. It looks like he bought the saw and lumber just a few days before he passed. So sad.
Again, thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers. This is a wonderful forum!!!!!Sue