My husband was scheduled to have a prostate biopsy and I had been told by a urologist that this procedure can be quite painful. Most urologists give an anesthestic and we were hoping my husband would get this too, though neither of us asked, being quite nervous and unsure of everything that day.
I had also hoped I could talk to the urologist alone as I had several questions and understandably, didn't want my husband to have to undergo a painful procedure. I had asked my husband if the urologist had told him what the biopsy would be like when he had set up the appointment for him to have it done and he told me that he hadn't.
So after the nurse called my husband in, I spoke to the receptionist about my fears and she said she would see if the nurse would talk to me. Then, she took me back into the room where my husband and the nurse were.
I was trying to remember some of the reasons I'd read about why men need not have such a procedure and voiced my doubts to the nurse. Instead of kindly reassuring me she said,
"Doing a biopsy is the only way to know if there is something there. Don't you care if your husband has cancer?"
I was so shocked by this, on top of the fear I was already feeling for the the nurse to insinuate by her question that I didn't care about my husband and for her to ask me this right in front of him just destroyed me.
I had read that prostate cancer was slow growing and men could have it for years without causing them a problem. So, I brought this up, and then I apologised to her and I left. I was still feeling the effects of her words and I just wanted to get away from her.
I know if the urologist had in the room she would not have said what she did to me. I thought about telling him what she had said, but I did not, and have regretted not doing so.
I am still tormented by her words and it has been two years ago since this happened. Several months ago I began seeing a counsellor hoping that she could help me.
I would appreciate your thoughts on what I have written.
Thank You, wiggyann
Post Edited (Pamela Neckpain) : 12/6/2008 11:55:11 AM (GMT-7)
On behalf of nurses I apologize for the insensitivity of this nurse. It was inexcusable and I am wondering why you apologized to her?
If you know her name write a letter to the Clinic Manager stating just the facts, do not put your emotions into it. Just the facts of where you were, what the procedure was, your question and the nurses comment.
Then state you would expect a response to your letter. I have been on both sides of this scenario, dealing with the nurse that was out of line and being talked down too.
I understand where your coming from.
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*
Post Edited (wiggyann) : 1/2/2009 12:50:19 AM (GMT-7)
Good Morning wiggyann,
I am glad you posted if this is still on your mind and I will try to help you.
You are human, and it would be very weird if you didn't feel a thing. “Why do people have to say such things?” I can very well say that each of us have or will meet this type of person in our life.
I have met many of them but when your dealing with professionals your expectation is kindness and empathy not a smart mouth nurse who obviously does not like her job.
You are sensitive and letting go of this comment is very hard for you. I am the same way. Also I think you are afraid of running into her again at the clinic.
Many people allow medical professionals to talk down to them and make snide remarks because they are afraid to make the Physician/Nurse angry as in your case you husband needed the biopsy.
I also feel you have this anger bottled up inside you that you need to let go of..................it is keeping you in the past and you want to be in the moment. Anger is a natural human emotion and you had the right to feel anger toward this nurse.
However you handled it with grace and did not make a issue in front of your husband................next time do be assertive and ask for a sheet to cover him.............you can be assertive without being aggressive. If Nurse "I am not Happy to Be Here" gives you grief, just repeat your request in a firm but calm manner.
I would also respond to this nurse re her remark about the biospy...."I would say very politely, your comment feels very unprofessional to me" Watch her mouth fall open.
Remember patients have rights.
I hope this helps you understand why you are still feeling upset and now you can let go and move on.
May hope, love, and warmthbe in your heart's possessing,and may the New Yearbring you and yoursmany blessings. Gentle Hugs,
Gentle Hugs to you and please if you need more support, drop me an email. I know how you feel. I have seen both sides of this type of situation.
How is your hubby doing?
How are you today my friend? I am fine and my hubby had a radical prostatectomy on the 27th of August this year. His Doctor is one of the best in the Twin cities. He gave us the options............we went with take it out. The cancer was all inclosed in the capsule so I do not worry now. He had some trobule in sugery as he has what the Doc referred to as a Crohn's Gut and when he connected his ureter back to his bladder it look good but then it just disintegrated and the Doc had to come up with a different plan to make the anastomosis.
My hubby is 61 and I expect him to make it to 101.
PSA...........don't fret about them, I worried from January last year until June as they did antibiotics and then retested. I thought I would never make it ntil the results were in. It did not matter what the result was, we would deal with it, it was the not knowing that was so hard.
Take care my friend and know we are here for you.
Co-Moderator, Anxiety and Panic Forum