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hmmm123
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted Yesterday 12:44 PM (GMT -7)   
I feel like I've gotten too close to my therapist.  She is very ethical and sets clear boundaries.  But because I've had a 5 year relationship with her - every week - I've felt like she is a very close friend.  But in reality I know that being friends is not possible.   We are very like minded... or so I think... Recencently it occurred to me that this relationship will come to an end and thinking about that is very painful for me.  I don't want to be in therapy just to talk to her because I like her as I do a good friend.  But I don't want to lose what feels like a friendship to me.  I'm actually embarassed to tell my therapist this. How do I handle this loss?  It really feels like I've lost a friend or a loved one.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted Yesterday 1:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

Welcome to the A/P forum. You have come to a good place. What makes you think that you are losing your therapist? I had one that became good friends with me, I kind of saw the objectivity going out the window. Is that what is going on? But I think they can still be objective and care about you at the same time. Are your sessions ending?

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


hmmm123
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted Yesterday 1:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen,

Thanks for your post.... I feel like I've accomplished everything that I needed to do in therapy. But I'm afraid to let it go and I think its because I have this strong connection to her. What's interesting is that we cross paths fairly often because our children ended up in the same class at school this year. When I first started seeing her I didn't even know who she was, never mind that we live in the same community. When we see each other we wave and that is it - respecting each others boundaries. She has mentioned a couple of times over the past few years that 'she wished we could be friends' and 'we would be friends if we met under different circumstances'. So I know she cares and feels close to me as well. But we both know that ethically it is not possible. I would like to share my feelings with her but I already know the outcome and hearing it out loud would be even more painful - I think.

Also, I feel like I'm ready to terminate my therapy but she said that I am not ready. When I asked her why, she said "you still have more work to do", but wasn't specific. Objectivity out the window, huh? That's very interesting. Can you give me a high level example of how you were able to recognize that your previous therapist was not being objective any longer?

Thanks,

FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted Yesterday 4:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Just curious if you and your therapist are of the same sex or not. Once your therapy ends I guess I don't really see why you couldn't be friends - but I wouldn't start a romantic relationship. That could get him/her in trouble.
27 Year old married female law student (last year!!). Diagnosed w/ CD 4 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD. I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid. For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn. I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13. I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium. Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night. I also take a birth control pill to allow some fun in my life.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted Yesterday 5:12 PM (GMT -7)   

hmmm123


Hello and welcome to HealingWell and the A & P forum. 

It feels to me like you both are losing the Doctor/client relationship and perhaps you should just tell her after every week for 5 years you would like to quit therapy at this time.
 
I would tread lightly here as she is in a difficult spot and could be cited for getting involved with you while you are a patient.
 
I know your wondering what reason you can give her..........perhaps " for personal reasons or that you are beginning to feel attached to her and you want to stop your Doctor/Patient relationship.
I am sure some wiser then I will have some better advice for you.
 
Keep talking to us and know we care.
Kitt
 
 
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


hmmm123
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted Today 4:11 AM (GMT -7)   

My therapist and I are the same sex.  I am not a ***, I just think of her as a close friend, not someone I would have an intimate or sexual relationship with.  More like a "mother" figure to me.

She has not crossed any boundaries and, if anything, has been very conscious about the boundary lines.  I am wondering that because I see her as a 'mom' figure, that I could be holding back on some feelings, etc...  I would like to discuss this with her but too embarassed about it. 

Thanks for everyone's support here... I feel blessed that I found this site!

 


Georgie Girl
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 319
   Posted Today 5:34 AM (GMT -7)   

From where I sit, it seems like if you have this many concerns and have to think this much about whether or not your relationship is appropriate, is heading in the right or wrong direction, if you are sharing as much as you could,  etc, it's time to move on to a new therapist - if indeed you need to continue therapy.   As a professional, she should understand your concerns, maybe even give you some names of other therapists.  Or maybe just tell her you've decided to stop therapy and then search for a new therapist on your own.  Maybe even take a few months off and see how you do since you think you may have reached maximum benefit anyway. 

 

Just my two cents.

 

Georgie Girl 


Georgie Girl


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted Today 7:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Ok I normally do not post here alot, but yes you cannot be "normal" friends with your therapist. It is absolutely a breach of protocol, and puts her liscence at risk, even after therapy is completed.

I think you just might have some transference going on and that is normal, but I do think that is something to address with your therapist.
Perhaps, a safer route would be to say that you feel that you have done the work you need to do with her, and while you still want to have her in your corner, but perhaps a different therapist would be better to addressing the other issues you might have. That way she would have to do a write up recommendation for your next therapist (if you feel like getting one) to address the other issues (or else you could just ask her what are the further issues she feels you might want to work on). Remember this is completely at your judgement call if you want to do this or not.


Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease
...I will find a way, or make one. -Philip Sidney 1554-1586
Make sure your suffering has meaning...
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 12/9/2008 7:47:38 AM (GMT-7)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted Today 7:56 AM (GMT -7)   
hmmm123
 
Thank you for the clarification regarding how you feel about your therapist.
 
I agree with Navy and I know I felt like my first therapist was my friend and when I quit therapy I missed him but then I realized that I was the patient and he was the therapist and that was our relationship.
 
The think we had in common was my therapy and outside of that we did not have a friendship relation, not to say he was not kind and friendly in person during therapy.
 
AS Navy said, you have several and I hope talking here has help you put the right spin for you on this situation.
Bless you
Kitt
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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