Honey, I believe in you. I know you can do this. You are a brave and beautiful woman and once you get out there you know you will have fun so stare that anticipatory anxiety in the face and tell it to shove off.
I will say a prayer and send you some shining light my dear. Best of luck and know you HW family is right behind you.
I am sitting here wishing I could be out with you. It would be comfortable being with others who just know i have issues and would understand if I started to feel a bit anxious.
I am picturing you having a good time with all these funny little angels on you shoulders.
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*
thankyou ALL so much. im still packing it- edgy, restless, nervy, anxious- stomach in knots, panic pushing at the edges- but i will take fitzy's suggestion and visualise you all with me if things get too much. we have visitors at the moment, i barely ate cos im not looking forward to tonight, even though i KNOW i should be.
maybe take my xanax earlier? i feel trembly all over.
Fitzky, thankyou, your words have helped already, im leaving in 2hrs and although im still nervous as hell, im trying to positive self-talk. and yes, as you noticed, i am plagued with multiple chronic illnesses (physical) that leave me wiped after a full week of teaching angry teenagers.
the thing is, i dont want just simply survive the night, i want to RELISH every bit of the good company, great food, beautiful view of the Sydney harbour- you are right- what is the worst thing that can happen? ive been fighting A/P since the age of 10, you would think i would have it totally under control right now, but i dont. its managed, but it never goes away and the anticapatory anxiety is a killer when you are agoraphobic.
im not usually a drama queen, or overly wound up, but i DO currently feel snowed under, like im choking on fear. all i want to do is climb in my bed and watch bad reality tv and eat chocolate.
I bought a new dress and shoes for tonight, im hoping that if i 'look good' that i may subconciously 'feel' good. im a tomboy, but tonight im bringing on the dress, baby!
thakyou ALL so much from the depths of my world weary soul... your words, prayers and thoughts are helping me in ways i cant explain.
You lot deserve a knight-hood for kindness and patience. i love my HW family.
p.s Lyn, keep the prayers coming!! XX
Post Edited (Mazfire) : 12/12/2008 11:06:28 PM (GMT-7)
Maz, did you see me in my cheer leading outfit , I had a heck of a time finding my pom, poms........I was there lining the road and cheering on the beautiful lady on her way to her night out. How stunning you looked.
I also said prayers and did my French/Norwegian sun dance. Anyone lucky enough to have you for a friend is blessed.
Gentle hugs my friendKitt
COMPLETE AND UTTER SUCCESS!!!!!!!!
not ONCE did i have an anxious moment. i relished every second, had SO much fun. i stopped and thought about the fact that i felt GREAT and couldnt believe i had worked myself into a state about something that was so much fun. Old Maz came back- the extrovert party girl let loose and had a BLAST.
thankyou so much, ALL of you, but Fitz, Mary, Kitt, Nikki- you guys are fabulous.
the way i felt last night, i have not felt that GOOD in years. i didnt want the night to be over (although my broken body was screaming for bed, lol) i just lived in the moment and felt nothing other than NORMAL, loved, fun. my friends made it really clear how important it was to them that i was there... they made me feel so special and wanted and needed- they also told me how proud they were that i work full time with tough teens when i am so physically sick- they remember what i was like at my sickest (chronic fatigue- disability pension at age 20) and they cant believe how ive bounced back and they just heaped on the praise for being so 'strong, passionate, determined.' it made me want to cry, warm gooey tears.
the food was sensational- Italian. i usually dont eat much at restaurants because if i feel full, then i panic about vomiting etc, but last night i got stuck in with gusto. even though im overweight, i felt pretty last night- new dress, shoes, hair, manicure- cos my friends are so skinny and perfect, im always aware that my meds made me bigger, but last night, i did NOT feel self concious, i felt PRETTY and special. and when i was paid a compliment, i took it, rather than saying 'no- im fat'.
thankyou ALL, each and every one of you who responded to my post- your positive thoughts, comments, advice and prayers are a huge part of my 'night of success'. you each made it just a little bit easier with your kind words. i CANNOT thank you enough.
its 6am here and ive had maybe 2hrs sleep, but i wanted to jump on and share with you guys just how amazing my night was.
im grateful beyond words. Maz XX