Needing to vent again

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ocean1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 707
   Posted 12/23/2008 3:30 PM (GMT -7)   
So my boss says to me today that she isn't celebrating Christmas this year or ever again (she lost her husband about 6 months ago).  I understand and sympathize with how the holidays must be hard for her this being her first Christmas without her husband.  She has been very snappy with everyone lately and me as well.  I've been trying my hardest to be polite and considerate and compassionate with her and her feelings.  I'm letting most of what she says bounce right off as I know she is going thru a hard time.  Today she says to me "you just don't understand what it is like to be single during the holidays".  I'm like WHAT!!!!!  I'm single and have never had a husband so I MORE THAN UNDERSTAND what it feels like to wake up Christmas morning alone.  I tried explaining that to her and she just went off on me how lonely she was and, of course, I tried to be understanding and let her know I really do know what it feels like but she just kept saying "it's not the same".  So, now I am sad and feeling lonely as I will be waking up Christmas morning alone in my apartment.  I was dealing with the being single and alone fine until today.  Does anyone else know what it feels like?  Any ideas how to rise above it?  Well, I feel a bit better now that I've talked to you all.  Thanks for listening.
Diane
LET US BE GRATEFUL TO PEOPLE WHO MAKE US HAPPY. 
THEY ARE THE CHARMING GARDENERS WHO MAKE OUR SOULS BLOSSOM.

Anxiety 2007; IBS 2004; Chronic Hives 2002.  Medications:  Allegra, Zantac, Xanax, Darvocet.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/23/2008 3:56 PM (GMT -7)   

Diane,

Your boss is grieving and  as she gets closer to Christmas she is going through anticipatory anxiety sensing that she is going to be unable to make it through alone.

You are not responsible for her feelings and I do not believe she is  blaming you, she is just lashing out.

I lost a son to death and shortly afterward my cousin lost her husband. I went to visit as I had been dealing with grief and thought I could help.

As we visited she said to me losing a husband is much worse then losing a child. " He was my whole life, now I am alone."  I did not argue and we went our own ways.  2 years later she was remarried so you can replace the relationship of a husband and fall in love again.

Shortly after that her daughter committed suicide, she was my goddaughter.  My cousin now understands. Losng a child is not something you can ever have back.

I hope this explains grief a bit.

Millions of people live alone and you have done this before so just be yourself and never

So turn that frown upside down.  You have done nothing wrong and Christmas will be a wonderful day of peace and good cheer.  Get back on that horse girl and ride like the trouper I know you are.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt cool

 
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


ocean1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 707
   Posted 12/23/2008 4:04 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Kitt.

Thank you so much.  I do understand the grieving process but thank you for reminding me.  I lost my young nephew and I know that first Christmas without him was very hard.  I will try to keep how I felt in mind as I try to be the compassionate person I know I am.  It is just hard to deal with the "lashing out" part of it.  I do understand how she feels.  Really I do.  I guess I just don't understand the way she is taking her grief out on others.  I'm not like that and I will just try to remember that each person deals with grief differently and I must try to be the person I am and that is all I can be.

As far as me waking up alone Christmas morning.  Yes, I have done it many times and I guess I am having a bit of a pity party tonight.  I am gonna put on my iPod and sing for a while and get things done for tomorrow.

Thank you so much my friend for reminding me about the grieving process.  I really did need that.

I hope you and your family have a great Christmas.


Diane
LET US BE GRATEFUL TO PEOPLE WHO MAKE US HAPPY. 
THEY ARE THE CHARMING GARDENERS WHO MAKE OUR SOULS BLOSSOM.

Anxiety 2007; IBS 2004; Chronic Hives 2002.  Medications:  Allegra, Zantac, Xanax, Darvocet.


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/23/2008 5:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Diane,

I hope things start looking up at work :) Hopefully you can spend some time with friends this holiday season.

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years"
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/23/2008 5:19 PM (GMT -7)   

Diane,

I do know how you feel.  Even thow your boss is grieving it hurts to have her lash out at you.  I have been there many times here at home..........my hubby gets upset and hollers at me when it is someone or something else he is upset with. I have also been yelled at because my staff did something wrong......whoaaaaaaaaa. So I know the tears of feeling sad as you were having a good day and boom the bottom falls right out.

Put that Ipod on and dance to the music..............Let go of today and stay in the moment.  Christmas will be Good.

Gentle Huggles

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


marthamae
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 12/23/2008 5:50 PM (GMT -7)   
I think work relationships are hard because that line gets so blurred. Of course you should be compassionate and concerned about her loss, but it's inappropriate for her to be telling you "you don't know what it's like to be single" on Christmas. She's out of bounds there. I wouldn't get into any of it with her. In a friendly manner, I would steer away from the personal talk and back to the work topics or at least something neutral. This will gently let her know she's off base.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Being single might not be great, but neither is being in a crappy marriage. Lots of people have bad holidays. All of my childhood ones were hell. At least as a single person you can make it what you'd like. You can choose to be with relatives or choose to be with friends or alone. You can sleep in or get up and take a walk in the snow. You could read a good novel! I have a houseful and my day will be cooking, washing dishes and feeling exhausted. I'm not complaining..I do love my kids and family, but being alone with a whole day to do nothing sounds great!

Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 12/23/2008 5:55 PM (GMT -7)   

Im sorry that you are bearing the brunt of your bosses grief at times, but what she is going through is something i cannot fathom. it would be like having half of you ripped off and thrown away. just keep doing what you are doing- be patient, even when she's hurtful- keep being the really awesome person you sound to be. just tell yourself that she is NOT angry with you and that she isnt hurting you intentionally.

stay strong and positive, blessings and peace to you-

Maz XX


            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOD, Chronic E.N.T infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, Sinusitis, IBS,  Allergies, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie.
 
 


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 12/23/2008 8:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Diane,

You are really a gem for trying to set aside how her remarks are making you feel, rather than lashing back at her.

I hope you'll be able to enjoy some of the benefits there are to the holiday too. I was just today watching a segment on the local news about folks who spent time on Christmas Day to serve holiday meals to the down and out. I thought, "Wow! How do you decide to make that commitment?" And then I realized that some people do have more freedom to do that than others.

But back to the point: you sound like you've made a very caring effort to understand and support her in the work environment while she goes through a hard time. Remember that you are entitled to your feelings and reactions, and even though you may choose not to share them with her, that doesn't mean you have to hold onto them either. Coming here to post and vent is a way to toss them away, so that you can get back to feeling like the strong, smart, caring person you are.

Hugs,

percycat

ocean1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 707
   Posted 12/23/2008 8:31 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you all so much for being here for me.  All of you have said some really wonderful things and I am going to work tomorrow with a renewed sense of who I am and that I am a good person and I will be as business-like as possible with my boss and keep the personal stuff at bay if I can.  I truly understand the grieving she is doing.  I feel for and I really wish there was something I could say or do to help make it all better for her, but there isn't.  She knows we are there for her if she needs us.

Words cannot express how much I appreciate all of you here and how supportive and generous and giving of yourselves you all are.


Diane
LET US BE GRATEFUL TO PEOPLE WHO MAKE US HAPPY. 
THEY ARE THE CHARMING GARDENERS WHO MAKE OUR SOULS BLOSSOM.

Anxiety 2007; IBS 2004; Chronic Hives 2002.  Medications:  Allegra, Zantac, Xanax, Darvocet.


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 12/23/2008 9:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Diane, your boss needs time off if she's not coping with the loss of her husband. She should not be taking it out on you or anyone else! So many people think the work place is where you can vent on coworkers or subordinates, and it's not. It unfair. The woman needs time off and some therapy. Try not to let her get to you. I know it's not easy. I've worked with many people who made my life miserable. Secondly, I've always loved being alone. So, I can't relate to the loneliness at the holidays. But don't forget to call friends or family. Maybe you could have a small get together at your place for friends. Don't get discouraged!

Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 12/26/2008 4:01 AM (GMT -7)   

How are things going, Diane? any improvement?

I hope you had a good christmas, please take care and keep us posted!

Maz XX


            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOD, Chronic E.N.T infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, Sinusitis, IBS,  Allergies, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie.
 
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/26/2008 9:15 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning Diane,

I hope you enjoyed your Christmas and found some peace.  I have been thinking of you and just wanted to remind you that you are wise and wonderful and keep that self esteem up.

I am always here for you.

Hugs
Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/26/2008 3:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, Diane :) How are you and did you have a good Christmas? I like what Kitt said and I wish you the same.

Take care!
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years"
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/26/2008 3:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Dianne
I do know how your boss feels without her hubby and I can understand how you do gfeel as well being alone
I have been in both positions

This is the first Christmas w/o my dad but I am getting thru it
I wont lie it has not been esay at al but I dealt with it by celebrating his life and love for us and his love for life
'Also that him and Mom are now back together and are no longer in pain]

It has been 30 yrs since I lost my Rick in 2009

I love the man I am with with all my heart but I DO still think of Rick ..........

I hope you made it thru the day hun and all .............is feeling a bit better

Take care friend
'Luvs
LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN

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