Furious!Need to vent..

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Sydnee10
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Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 12/25/2008 4:31 AM (GMT -7)   
I have a problem and need to vent my frustrations.My post is rather lengthy,so I hope ya'll understand.I ask that no member offer "tough love" or throw about how I need to rid toxic People from my life.
 
A Woman I've known all my life and who is a Friend recently started asking to borrow Money.At first it was $60,$40 (twice) then $150 and $200..
 
After I loaned her the Money,she was over one Night and told me she was trying to get hold of another Friend who lives a distance away to ask for $200-$300 so we could go play slots.After she said slots,it didn't take long for it to sink in why she asked me for Money..
 
Obviously I'm not the first nor will be the last she has borrowed or asked to borrow Money from.A Month or 2 ago,she called at 4:30AM and told me she was out driving around and asked if she could come over,I told her sure.While here,she asked if I know of anyone who would loan her Money.I told her I don't have any Money and don't know of anyone.She thought about a Pastor,so after leaving my House went to he and his Wife's.Next time we talked,she told me they gave her $1,000.There is no telling what sad sob Story she gave,and I'm unsure if she's repaid them.The other Day a Cousin told me she asked another Woman in Town for $5,000.00..
 
Since I don't have a Car,she takes me places if/when I need to go.I buy Gas for her,because I can't expect People to take me somewhere and I not put Gas in their Vehicle.I told her I don't expect she repay me for the Gas,Food or Soda's I've bought her..only the Cash from writing Checks for more than purchased.
 
Friday Night I called and told her I'm bored and don't want to stay Home,so she came and got me and we went to her House.We played Uno and Cards with her 18-1/2 Year old Daughter and a Friend of her Daughter.
 
While at her House,her Daughter gave me the Razor Cell she no longer uses,which I thought nice,but couldn't understand why she did it.The Daughter told me about a Cell Store where I could buy a Faceplate for the Razor.My Friend said she'd take me by there when we went to their Cell carrier to add me to their plan,which I will pay $10 Monthly for.
 
Well,Saturday we went to the small neighboring City because I had to go to the HFS (Health Food Store),Wal-Mart to purchase the Plasma my Dad's Estate bought and to pick up a few other items.We went to the Cell Store as well.
 
After leaving the Cell Store,we went to the Cell Carrier and I was added to their plan.The Guy told me the Battery in the Razor was dead,so we had to go back to the Cell Store so I could buy a new Battery.I will soon buy a Car and since it's difficult to get places,I decided to buy a Car charger.
 
What infuriates and downright pi$$es me off is: the first time we were at the Cell Store,I asked the Sales Clerk if they had a Bathroom.While I went to the Bathroom my Friend went on to her Vehicle.After we returned to my House and I was unloading Bags,I couldn't find the Home charger,so called the Store.
 
The Sales Clerk told me that my Friend told her she would take it out with her while I was in Bathroom.After getting off the Telephone with her,I immediately called my Friend.She told me she did not take the charger.I called the Store again the next Day and told the Woman what my Friend said.She told me the same as the Day before and said,"Come back and I will give you another Charger,because I'm not going to lose my Job over your dishonest Friend."So she got a Home charger at my expense.
 
It makes NO sense to give me a Razor for free,add me to the Plan,tell me she won't allow me to pay her the $10 Monthly,yet steal a Charger I bought and paid for.I HATE for my kind Heart and generosity to be used and taken advantage of and when People steal and lie to me..especially those who say they are my Friend!
 
Our Families have known each other over 50 Years,she knew my late Biological Mother,Dad and is aware I am soon to begin receiving my Inheritance.She also knew I received a partial amount of Cash on Hand remaining from the Estate on Saturday.
 
She came to the House Yesterday Evening,but beforehand called from her Cell in tears and distraught.I asked what was wrong and she told me she was headed to my House and would be here in 45 minutes.
 
She told me she went to see her Dad and asked for help and he told her no.He is an ***hole who didn't treat his Wife or Children well and he forever cheated on his Wife with Colleagues,Students,and I'm sure any other Woman who'd spread her Legs to him.
 
He is a retired Teacher,so I'm certain he has a very nice Retirement.Now that my Friends Mother died he has only himself to provide for,but I understand his reasoning for telling her no.
 
I called a SIL to my Friend Day before Yesterday and she told me that my Friend's Dad would pay for the Medication she takes and help her financially if she would hold a Job and he see she trying.
 
Of course she asked for Money again..she cupped my Face in her Hands and looked me straight in the Eyes and told me I remind her of her Mother.She also held the sides of her Temples and while shaking her Head said,"I'm crazy."
 
Her Mother died during Summer and she cared for her 13-15 Month's of her illness.Since her Mother died,she has been in Hospital twice.She was abusing Valium/Zoloft and was buying Xanax off the Street.
 
When my Cousin and I were talking,she told me that before my Friend went into Hospital first time,she and her Husband were suppose to have $20,000 in their Account,but there was nothing.Guess she blew it on slots.
 
During one of her Hospital stays a Brother went to visit and the Psychiatrist told him he could take her Home.Brother asked,"Shouldn't her Husband do that?".The Doctor told him,"Well,if your heading Home you can take her."The Brother asked the Doctor what is going on with her.The Doctor told him,"She's spoiled.".
 
Her first Marriage turned out really bad.She Married a Guy she dated in High School and thought it would last forever.She told me Baby's were never brought up and during the last 6 Years of Marriage there was no sex.They Divorced after 15 Years,both remarried and have a Daughter a piece.He has 3 Step-Children.
 
Since she and her second Husband have lived here they lost a Home and had to file Bankrupt.I don't know how long she's had this addiction,but from the looks of things a long time.
 
It is with hope she gets her problem taken care of and soon,but she's got to want it and is the only Person who can change it.
 
If I get hassle from her about repaying me,I WILL talk to her Husband and take her to small Claims Court.The Razor will be returned too..
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 12/25/2008 5:53 AM (GMT -7)   

As you clearly stated at the beginning that you dont want advice on 'tough love' or 'toxic friendships' all i can say is i hope that this situation resolves itself in a way that satasfies you. Maybe there has been a breakdown of communication. I will say no more as you made it perfectly clear that you dont want the advice that most people will want to offer you. But you are writing on a peer support forum, and im not sure how to help you if you dont want practical, logical advice- all the best.

take care, Maz XX

p.s i generally find lending money to friends can lead to difficult situations.


            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOD, Chronic E.N.T infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, Sinusitis, IBS,  Allergies, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie.
 
 

Post Edited (Mazfire) : 12/26/2008 1:43:18 AM (GMT-7)


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 12/25/2008 6:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Sydnee,

Your friend really is burning a lot of her bridges. Try to find an action you feel comfortable with, so that you're not standing on one the next time she burns it. CBT has taught me that there are a lot of ways to think through a problem, even this one, and that what matters is coming up with a solution that you feel right about.

percycat

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/25/2008 6:31 AM (GMT -7)   

Sydnee,

I have a lot I could say but it is Christmas Day so I will grant you your wish and just leave you with I hope your have a pleasant day.

Kitt

 

 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 12/25/2008 8:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Sydnee,

Don't enable your friend to gamble. I wouldn't accept anymore gifts from her either, you will feel obligated to help. Maybe it is time for tough love.

I hope that you have a very merry Christmas today. Try to forget about her and enjoy your day.

Hugs, Karen

I am sorry that I offered the tough love, but that sounds like the only solution right now, I can see that you do care about her.


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/25/2008 8:42 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree with all here. It seem you've received some great advice so I'm just going to say the best of luck and wish you a Merry Christmas!!!
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years"
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 12/25/2008 9:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Well I guess I am going to be the dissenter here. I think you need to tough love your friend. She obviously has a gambling problem. Remember this is her problem not yours. And she obviously is not really a friend, if she can use the people who love her like that. I would just tell her, at this time I can't help you. The money you are to receive is for YOU, take care of your needs, and don't let her use you.

God Bless,
Gail *Nanners*
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years.  Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium.  Resections in 2002 and 2005.  Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis. Currently my Crohns is in remission.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/25/2008 9:43 PM (GMT -7)   

Sydnee

I think you got some fair answers.  confused   to why you did not want anyone to give you any helpful advice?  Whatever advice is given by the members is their opinions of how you can overcome the situation that caused you so much stress. Just because it is given never means you have to take it.......................

Respectfully

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 12/26/2008 11:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Mazfire,

There is a reason why I stated that I don't want advice on "tough love" or toxic People.The next time she asks for Money (there will be a next time),I'm going to be very firm and tell her no.In fact am considering calling her and asking that she come over.Once here will ask her straight what she's doing with the Money.Before she can get help for her addiction,she must admit she has a problem.


 


Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 12/26/2008 11:29 PM (GMT -7)   

Karen,

It will greatly help me to tell her I won't enable her problem if she would admit she has one..


 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/26/2008 11:40 PM (GMT -7)   

Sydnee,

Is this your sister friend we are talking about ?

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/26/2008 11:48 PM (GMT -7)   

Sydnee,

I have a post right above yours, any thoughts??

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 12/26/2008 11:53 PM (GMT -7)   

Sydnee, i meant you no harm, was simply trying to be helpful. Was trying to answer your question within the parameters you set.

Maz


            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOD, Chronic E.N.T infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, Sinusitis, IBS,  Allergies, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie.
 
 


Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 12/27/2008 1:44 AM (GMT -7)   
No,it's another Friend..

 


Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 12/27/2008 1:46 AM (GMT -7)   

Kitt,

My System (new PC) was down from Morning of Christmas Day until after Midnight,so haven't had chance to reply all responses..I also washed Dishes,scrubbed Pots/Pans,washing/drying Clothes and received a Call..



 


Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 12/27/2008 1:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Mazfire,

I appreciate your input..if I sounded defensive,I didn't mean it to come out that way.



 


Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 12/27/2008 2:08 AM (GMT -7)   

Percy,

If my Friend needed Food,Money for Gas (Petrol) or if the Electric or Gas Companies were threatening to cut their services and I had Money and could help,I would,but giving her Money to throw away is something entirely different.I have a kind Heart and a generous nature,but I hate to be used,taken advantage of,lied to,played for a fool or have People steal from me..I will yank someone's chain for such!


 


Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 12/27/2008 2:28 AM (GMT -7)   

Gail,

She knows the struggles I've endured for a very long time.It has taken almost 2 Years for my late Father's final affairs to settle and they still aren't.I have lived on a very limited Social Security Disability income (worked and paid into SSA) and believe you me it isn't enough to pay bills,buy Food and necessites.When I tell her I have Bills,a Life Insurance premium to pay,Food to buy,items needed for my Home/self,it goes in one Ear and out the other.She doesn't care!I differentiate between needs and wants and never throw Money away.She is also aware I need my Eyes checked so I can buy a new pair of Glasses and Toric Contact Lenses.I'm really surprised I haven't had excruciating Eyestrain Headaches because I squint to bring things into focus.I also need a Dental exam and minor Dental procedures (one procedure being a Root Canal that I've needed almost 10 Years,but didn't have Money when my Dentist first told me I needed it..Root Canals cost $1,000 if not more).I need new Mattresses for my Bed,a new Computer Desk and other items for my Home.I don't even have a Car and can't buy a Car until I sell another Property.It irritates me that she doesn't have direction,want to or desire to change her circumstances.Her Husband busts his B*tt to provide for she and their Daughter then this is what he gets in return.She started a Job,but got fed up with the attitudes whilst training for the Job,so they moved her to another location closer to Home and she already quit that Job.Here I am busting my chops to get Legal and business matters settled so I can move out of State in order to start anew and return to University to complete my Education so in the long run will have a means to support and provide for myself.Some People are uncaring and ungrateful and she happens to be one of them!


 

Post Edited (Sydnee10) : 12/27/2008 2:34:43 AM (GMT-7)


Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 12/27/2008 2:30 AM (GMT -7)   

Kitt,

I received a lot of wonderful advice and asked that no one give ME tough love or tell me I need to rid toxic People from my life due to that little incident couple Month's ago with another member..remember?


 


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 12/27/2008 4:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Sydnee10 said...

Mazfire,

I appreciate your input..if I sounded defensive,I didn't mean it to come out that way.


Oh good, i was worried i had offended you and thats the last thing id want to do- all the best in resolving this situation.
Maz XX
            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOD, Chronic E.N.T infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, Sinusitis, IBS,  Allergies, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie.
 
 


Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 12/27/2008 5:35 AM (GMT -7)   

Oh no you didn't offend..if someone crosses me,I would let them know..

Failed to mention in original thread..Friend was over one Day recently and asked if she could be my Provider.Ya'll it SERIOUSLY OFFENDED me!Though I have a Disability,I do my own personal Hygiene,Housework,Washing,take Trash out and get Mail..there are very few things I can't do like climbing a step ladder/ladder or standing in a Chair to wash upper Walls or hanging Curtains,but other than these 2 things my House is spic and span clean..I don't have a Car and have to rely on others to take me places,which tremendously troubles me coz I'm independent and prideful.I didn't know until Day before Yesterday when I called my Friends SIL the second time about she borrowing Money that my Friend was paid to care for her Mother during her illness.SIL didn't mention if Family or Insurance paid..


 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/27/2008 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   

Sydnee,

Send your sister friend to me and I will let her wash the whole dang house and knock herself out.  I understand what you are referring back to.  skull

My note last night was when you were on line and I was feeling really down as I am trying to wean off Cymbalta and as many  know it is no fun and I am bouncing around like a ping pong ball. smhair .  I was just looking for someone to support me.

No big deal.

Kitt  :-)


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 12/27/2008 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   

Kitt,

She'd ask for Money  eyes   well,Woman why didn't you say you were weaning off Cymbalta?Syd ain't no mind reader! shakehead  I hear that's a powerful Medication!A Friend experienced Dizziness/Lightheadedness/double vision when starting Cymbalta.I hope you aren't having through withdrawals or experiencing the above..

 

Take good care and I wish you all the best :-)


 


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 12/27/2008 3:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Sydnee when you say provider, does that mean like a carer?

 Maz


            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOD, Chronic E.N.T infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, Sinusitis, IBS,  Allergies, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie.
 
 


Sydnee10
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 561
   Posted 12/27/2008 11:09 PM (GMT -7)   

Mazfire,

Yes,a Provider in States is what ya'll in Australia and England call carer..it greatly insulted me!



 

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