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stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/26/2008 11:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Our old joke post is buried so deep I would need a snow shovel to retrieve it.
 
I am starting a new Jokerster's Thread............ cool
 
A guy walks into the psychiatrist's and says "Doctor, doctor, you've got to
help me! I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards!" The shrink says "Sit
over there and I'll deal with you later."
 
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
Two psychiatrists pass in the hall. The first says, "Hello."
The other thinks, "I wonder what he meant by that."

A man walks into the psychiatrists office with a pancake on his head, fried
eggs on each shoulder, and a strip of bacon over each ear. The shrink, humoring
him, asks, "What seems to be the problem?" The guy answers, "Doc, I'm worried about
my brother."

If we can have a good laugh we feel better.  :)

Hugs
Kitt

 


 
 

 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/26/2008 2:24 PM (GMT -7)   
LIL sis
I love the idea of this thread
'WE are getting back into the
Mode of all negative posts IMHO
well many of them and
'WE NEED LAUGHTER
in our lives

AND jokes
'I will find some and post ( withing rules lol)
Love
Big sis
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/26/2008 4:00 PM (GMT -7)   

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to
tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids
came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. 

Next little Lucy raised and hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks and the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched." "That was a fine story, Lucy." 

Nicholas, do you have a story to share?" "Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Barbara. Aunt Barbara was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the heck away from Aunt Barbara when she's been drinking!!!"


Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years"
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/26/2008 4:03 PM (GMT -7)   
There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. 

As he looked around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able to
take flight. Unfortunately, he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting when he hit the floor. 

Dead. 

The moral to the story is: 

Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of crap!!!
 
 
LOL. . . Hope everyone likes my midwest farmer humor :)  We get even racier sometimes but I'm being good  tongue
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years"
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/26/2008 4:09 PM (GMT -7)   

That was a good one Sam  devil

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Why was she fired from her proofreading job?
A: For throwing away all the Ws.

smhair  


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/26/2008 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   
OMG
YOur niece is gonna LOVE those ones lol

Love ya tons ] yeah
Big sis


Good ones BRO
Keep em coming'I am totally BLANK .......yep I am ...........naturally ..........
roflmbo turn
Luvs
'LYN


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/26/2008 4:37 PM (GMT -7)   

........................... devil .......FRIENDS and Lil Sis's ARE.......................

................................CHEAPER THAN THEARPISTS....................... smilewinkgrin

 

. devil ........I knows this from EXPERIENCE.......... EH LIL SIS.............................. turn .

                   ( So is the caring sharing and family on A/P forum)

                           Let's KEEP this family TOGETHER

 

 


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/26/2008 7:40 PM (GMT -7)   

Here's one called "No More Enabling"  tongue

 

Police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 mph, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 65, perhaps your radar needs calibrating." Not looking up from her afghan, his wife says sweetly, "Now don't be silly dear, you know very well this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer makes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?" 

The wife smiles demurely and says "You should be thankful your radar 
detector went off when it did". As the officer makes out a second ticket for the illegal radar detector, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dangit woman, shut your mouth! NOW!" The officer frowns and says, "And, I notice you're not wearing your seat belt, sir, that's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over to get my license out of my back pocket." And the wife says, "Now dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on, you never wear your seat belt when you're driving the Corvette." And, as the officer makes out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HECK UP!"

And the officer looks over at the woman and says, "Does your husband always 
talk to you this way, Ma'am?" "Oh heavens no, officer, only when he's been drinking..." smilewinkgrin   



Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years"
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/26/2008 8:01 PM (GMT -7)   
smhair  Senility Prayer smhair
 
 
 
God, 


Grant me the Senility

to forget the people

I have never liked. . .

The good Fortune

to run into the ones I do. . .

And the Eyesight

to tell the difference!


Amen
 
 
Here is a great link for a site/article on anxiety and humor:
 
 
Found it interesting :-)



Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years"
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)

Post Edited (Green Grove) : 12/26/2008 8:13:25 PM (GMT-7)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/27/2008 10:16 AM (GMT -7)   
tongue  
A farmer gets sent to jail, and his wife is trying to hold the farm together until her husband can get out. She’s not, however, very good at farm work, so she writes a letter to him in jail: "Dear sweetheart, I want to plant the potatoes. When is the best time to do it?”

The farmer writes back: "Honey, don’t go near that field. That’s where all my guns are buried.” But, because he is in jail all of the farmer’s mail is censored.

So when the sheriff and his deputies read this, they all run out to the farm and dig up the entire potato field looking for guns. After two full days of digging, they don’t find one single weapon.

The farmer then writes to his wife: "Honey, now is when you should plant the potatoes."
 
Kick and Giggles from Kitt
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/27/2008 12:08 PM (GMT -7)   
rofl. . . that is so funny Kitt :) I've never heard that one before :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years"
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/27/2008 1:59 PM (GMT -7)   

tongue  Ten Signs That You Are Drunk <!--mstheme-->

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off.

3. Your job is interfering with your drinking.

4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol.

5. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

6. You believe that alcohol is the elusive 5th food group.

7. You can focus better with one eye closed.

8. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

9. Mosquitoes get a buzz after attacking you.

10. You can never seem to find the exit at the Fun House yeah

 

LOL. . . I'm so glad I don't drink much anymore :-)

 

Here is another good link about the health and history of Humor Therapy:

http://www.freewebs.com/laughtertherapy/humourtherapy.htm


Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years"
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/27/2008 2:04 PM (GMT -7)   
OMG!!!  I can't breathe. . . ROFLMBO. . . Tears are leaking all over the place!!!
 
You guys HAVE to check out the joke on this link. . . It is so funny!
 
 
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years"
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


ocean1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 707
   Posted 12/28/2008 6:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm ROTFLMBO.  I'm not good at telling jokes or finding them or repeating them but I sure am enjoying ALL the jokes in this thread.  I was laughing so hard I had to wait to respond to it til I could see again.  Thank you for providing me with the best laughs I've had in a while.

Diane
LET US BE GRATEFUL TO PEOPLE WHO MAKE US HAPPY. 
THEY ARE THE CHARMING GARDENERS WHO MAKE OUR SOULS BLOSSOM.

Anxiety 2007; IBS 2004; Chronic Hives 2002.  Medications:  Allegra, Zantac, Xanax, Darvocet.


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/28/2008 7:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I know :) This idea of Kitt's is great :) Here is another:


A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

Her husband says, "Oh My Gosh, No Kiddin. What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

The wife yells back, "It doesn't matter. Just get out!"


lol :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years"
~ Abraham Lincoln ~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/28/2008 8:47 PM (GMT -7)   
                                                                                                               Bedside Manners

Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.

"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"

"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.
   
"I think you're bad luck."


Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things :)"
~George Carlin~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)

Post Edited (Green Grove) : 12/28/2008 9:15:00 PM (GMT-7)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/30/2008 3:57 PM (GMT -7)   

I am being kind of naughty tonight............ devil
There once was a farmer who was raising three daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered the late teens, the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date.

This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.

The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.

The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie. I'm here for Betty. We're gonna get some spaghetti. Is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went

The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck..." And the farmer shot him.  smhair   

 

 


 


 


 

 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


ocean1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 707
   Posted 12/30/2008 4:07 PM (GMT -7)   

Kitt,

Loved that one.  I copied it to my e-mail and sent it to some of my friends.  We all need a good laugh these days at work and this will sure brighten a few faces.


Diane
LET US BE GRATEFUL TO PEOPLE WHO MAKE US HAPPY. 
THEY ARE THE CHARMING GARDENERS WHO MAKE OUR SOULS BLOSSOM.

Anxiety 2007; IBS 2004; Chronic Hives 2002.  Medications:  Allegra, Zantac, Xanax, Darvocet.


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/30/2008 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   
LOL. . . You all made me laugh for the first time today :) Thank you!
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things :)"
~George Carlin~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/31/2008 11:34 PM (GMT -7)   
ROFLMBO. . . That one is great Nikki :)

Here we go with my Amish/Farm Humor:

Ten Signs That Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble!

10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to disco!."
4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."
2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro. . .Sam :)
 Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum
 "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!"
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/1/2009 4:21 PM (GMT -7)   
That was great cool

A lone tourist who is passing through the suburbs on the way to town by car, unfortunately experiences mechanical problems with the automobile. The car stalls and the tourist parks the car by the side of the road and waits for help. Not much later, a farmer happens to pass by with a truck full of farm animals. The farmer offers the tourist a lift to town and proceeds to explain that he is bringing his farm animals to the town market, where they will be auctioned off to the highest bidders. Well, it so happens that on the way to the town, the farmer being so engrossed in his story, unintentionally wanders into the other side of road where another vehicle is approaching in the other direction. The farmer realizes his absent mindness and attempts to avoid the possible collision with the other vehicle. He just misses the other car, but unfortunately crashes the truck into the side of the road. The tourist winds up thrown into a ditch and suffers broken ribs and a broken arm and leg and is obviously in extreme pain. The farm animals are all messed up very badly and the farmer, although remaining inside the vehicle, still suffers cuts and scrapes. The farmer gets out of the truck and looks at his farm animals. The chickens all have broken limbs and can barely move. "These chickens are all useless! Nobody will want to buy these chickens anymore!" bellows the farmer. With that, he grabs and loads his shotgun and blows away the chickens. Next, he sees the pigs and they are all lame and bleeding profusely. "These pigs are all worthless now! I'll get nothing for them!" yells the farmer. With great rage, the farmer reloads his shotgun and blows away the pigs. The farmer looks at the sheep and they all have broken limbs and their wool is all bloodied. "Worthless sheep!" screams the farmer and with that, he reloads his shotgun and blows away the sheep. Meanwhile, the injured tourist witnesses all of this carnage in great horror. The farmer then moves over to the side of the ditch and looks at the tourist. "Are you okay down there?" asked the farmer. "NEVER FELT BETTER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!" the tourist yelled back tongue
 
I thought this was great also!


Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!  Your Bro. . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
 "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!"
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
Click on all the Ads to help HealingWell.com!!!
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)

Post Edited (Green Grove) : 1/1/2009 4:27:01 PM (GMT-7)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/1/2009 4:28 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so LMBO at these
THanks for all the laughter it is surely needed right now ...........
BY so many of us

Luvs
LYN
** I deleted one I put in it was not family forum material IMHO seemed like it at 2 this am lol

devil


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/3/2009 7:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I liked it but grew up in a hard family so you know :)

Here is another:

Hospital Patient

A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I can, what's the name and room number?"

The lady in her weak voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday."

The old lady said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you!"

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The woman said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one bothers to tell me crap!"



Another:


Young Chuck moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next Day he drove up and said, "Sorry, Son, but I have some bad news, The horse died."

Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse!"

Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened With that dead horse?"

Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a Piece and made a net profit of $898.00."

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!  Your Bro. . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
 "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!"
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
~Click on the Ads to help HealingWell.com~
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/6/2009 3:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Laughter is good medicine my family :)

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?""No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."
Take care and have a wonderful day! . . . Your Bro . . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
  "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
Not a professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle.
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/8/2009 1:30 PM (GMT -7)   

I needed a laugh and a freind sent this to me:

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed
his order He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to
appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook,
"This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."

"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

smhair    smhair    smhair      smurf       turn    turn    smilewinkgrin    yeah    yeah    yeah    devil    cool    blush

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