Oldest Son in Need of Prayers

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stkitt
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Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/30/2008 4:42 PM (GMT -7)   
My Dear Friends,
 
I do not know if I can handle one more problem but if my Big sis Lyn can do it so will I.
 
My oldest son who lives on west coast told me today his wife wants a divorce.  From what he has told me I feel she may be Bipolar.
 
She has been getting credit cards that he knew nothing about and has charged them to the max.  One she charged up to $8,000.00. She won't tell him what she bought.  She is bound to go to college and has been in junior colleges for about 5 years now and taking out student loans.  She wanted to be a nurse but cannot pass the Nursing Assistant Certification.  She has flunked out of Nursing School.  Now she wants to sell the house and take the 3 children and move so she can attend University of Oregon to be a Pharmacist.
 
They have a 14 years old with Aspergers, a 12 year old and an 8 year old.  The special needs child needs to be in a stable envioronment and she was for years now all this has happened.
 
My DIL took nearly all the money out of their bank account so my son took her name off the account.
She has never worked which I thought was fine having a child that needs extra care but now I am beside myself and he is so far away.  Why is this happening to him again?
 
His first wife ran off with another man and she got custody of their daughter, my oldest granddaughter who I never get to see.  She is 22 now.
 
My son is an Electrical Engineer and he has been a good son and husband.  I know of many wonderful things he has done for his wife and family.
 
What can I do to help him.  It is breaking my heart to see him hurting so and he will probably lose everything he has worked so hard for.  He is 44 years old.
 
I know he is not perfect as none of us are but this is just not fair.
Someone please tell me what I can do to help him.
Thanks for reading
Kitt 
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 12/30/2008 5:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Kitt I wish I had the right words to comfort you. But I too am going thru a similar situation with my oldest daughter. We never stop being mothers no matter how old they get, do we? I think the only thing we can do is try to advise them. Nothing we can do but be there for them. It is really frustrating for me too. I went thru a very acrimonious divorce myself, and know my girl has to go thru the same thing, which just kills me. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

If it is any comfort, she cannot take the children out of state without his permission. My ex tried to do that, and they said he could go wherever he wants, but cannot take the children out of state without my permission. And I live in Calif too. Tell him to fight for his children. I think he could also file some kind of charges for racking up all the debt too.

I will keep you both in my prayers.

GIANT HUGS,
Gail *Nanners*
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years.  Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium.  Resections in 2002 and 2005.  Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis. Currently my Crohns is in remission.


Green Grove
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Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/30/2008 5:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Kitt. I am so sorry that more problems keep falling into your lap my friend. I don't know what to say. . . I need to ponder this some more. Just know that I am praying for your son and his family. I am still praying for you and the only advice I can give you right now is to use everything in your arsenal to keep it together and try to relax. I'll talk to you more after a bit. . . (I'm so sick right now and in need of a few prayers myself:)

Please keep your chin up!
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things :)"
~George Carlin~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/30/2008 5:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Sam
 
Prayers for you that you will get better. I thank you for taking the time and caring about me when you are so sick.
 
Bless You,
Kitt
 
 
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/30/2008 5:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I'll be here as long as I'm needed. Thank you so much. I read Gail's post and she is spot on as Lyn would say :) Your son needs to take control over the situation before your dil does more damage than she already has. I think he has a heck of a support system with "Mama Kitt" on the case. You are so good to your family and I'm sure it will are work out for the best. Praying :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things :)"
~George Carlin~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 12/30/2008 5:20 PM (GMT -7)   

Kitt that is just awful. your son sounds like he cant catch a break. how dare your DIL charge up that money and not tell? taking the kids as well? from what you have said, your son is a good man. and from what i know of you, i know that you would have raised a gentleman, not someone who deserves to be dragged through the mud.

absolutely he is in my prayers, as are you. you need this like a hole in the head. please give yourself permission to be upset, i know you want to be strong for your son and grandkids, but its important that you try and stay well for yourself.

i teach kids with special needs, and i understand the child with aspergers will not react well to change, and change in the structure of his life. this can be really detrimental. the mother doesnt sound like she has it together (you mentioned she may be bi-polar?)

sending hugs and prayers and bucket fulls of love your way my precious friend,

Maz XX


            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOS, Chronic E.N.T infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, Sinusitis, IBS,  Allergies, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
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Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie.
 
 


Green Grove
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Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/30/2008 6:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the prayers sainted one:) I'm feeling a bit better at the moment. I am really glad I didn't have the energy to type much earlier because it would be easy to say something wrong about your dil. I can not understand people sometimes. There are so many careless humans out their that do so much damage to good people that have been hurt enough anyway. I guess the saying life is not fair applies here, it is just something that is hard for me to wrap my mind around sometimes because things like this still horrify and upset me no matter how much therapy or toughening up I do. I think this woman needs to wake up and put the needs of her family in her top priority box. Is she mad at your son or just being selfish? Is he tied down to the area he lives in with his job?

I hope everything works out Kitt. Take care.
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro,
Sam
   
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things :)"
~George Carlin~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 12/30/2008 6:56 PM (GMT -7)   

I could just cry buckets right now. I hate when these things happen. I almost divorced earlier this year, so I know the awful feelings he's going through! The first thing he should do is go to counseling. He needs to hear that none of this is his fault. His wife needs counseling too, so she can see what she's doing to the family.

Your son needs to document everything from now on. The more information he has, the better. Courts always tend to side with the woman. Doesn't matter that she's a homewrecker or whatever. If he has things written down, he'll have a chance. Also, he obviously shouldn't give permission for the kids to leave the state. And his wife can't sell the house without his permission. 

Kitt, you said you didn't know if you could take one more thing going wrong. Yes, you can. It doesn't feel like it, but you can. And so can your son. You both need to cry until you can't cry anymore. Counseling will help. Your poor son! I will pray for all of you!  


Marie-Claire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 12/30/2008 7:25 PM (GMT -7)   

 Kitt... I am sooo very sorry this is happening to your son... and that you now this extra worry on your tired shoulders.... someone suggested he document everything... I think that is good advice... also it would be great if he could get his wife into a doctor for assessment...but I don't see how he could manage that one...How are the kids reacting to all of this. I think he should see a lawyer immediately and seek full custody of the children... before she has time to take any legal action... or has time to flee with the kids. I'm wondering what she has spent that 8,000.00 dollars on... its very suspicious. OH kitt... Lord, I wish I could be there to give you a big hug... If your son is anything like his mother... he will be strong and WILL get through this. ... and so will you... now you have to come to us often... complain, cry, vent... do what you need to... we all here for you!!!! YOU have held us up sooo often... in my case too often to count... now let us help you get through this... take the mod hat off and let it all out! There is nothing worse than watching your chidren suffer.... it is the absolute worst especially when we feel unable to help. You will help him though this... call him often... let him call you... let him vent.... maybe you should mention this site to him... we would all be here to support him.... Lord knows he probably has his share of anxiety at the moment.... send him to us.!

Mary


51 yr.old retired RN,Crohn's D for last35 yrs..severe esophagitis, migraines,strictures,urethral stricture,depression,probable MS.,RLS, arthritis, PTSD ,general anxiety disorder.
 
 


Junebug05
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 12/30/2008 8:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,
 
I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with yet another stressor in your life.  I wish that I had some wonderful words of wisdom to share with you, but I'm afraid I don't.  But I can offer you my prayers for you and for your son and the children.  You hang in there and let all of us know if you need anything.  Hugs!

Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 12/31/2008 7:00 AM (GMT -7)   
It's sad that so many good people get the short end of the stick... :(... *Hugs* I hope things work out somehow...
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/31/2008 7:32 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry lil sis
I was knocked right out last night after the doc's

YOU know you have my love and prayers always hun and they never waiver ........
WITH all else you have going on you dont need this nor does your son............
JUST Be MOM and be there for him as I know you will be
I will call you tonight


Love
Big sis


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN


percycat
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Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 12/31/2008 7:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,

I'm so sorry that your son, his children, and you are facing such a hard situation right now. Bless you for trying to be there for him, and lean on us here as much as you need!

Love and prayers,
percycat

FamilyGuy
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 3310
   Posted 12/31/2008 12:07 PM (GMT -7)   
((((Kitt)))) Thoughts and prayers are with you and your son.
Jon,  Co-moderator for Crohn's Disease and Depression forums
 
"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret." -- Henri-Frédéric Amiel (1821-81), Swiss philosopher, poet 
 
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TeacherBetsy
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 12/31/2008 1:06 PM (GMT -7)   
(((Kitt))) so sorry that your family is going through this situation again... if I had a way to get through to your daughter-in-law, I'd suggest that she seek counseling, especially career counseling, and consider that there are many options for her if she wants to pursue something professionally. Surely keeping the family together is a priority, but it sounds like she is troubled and certainly may be bipolar. I hope it will work out somehow that they can stay together.
Dx Crohn's Disease 1996
Have taken Prednisone, Pentasa, Rowasa, and Asacol
Currently on Asacol 2400 mg daily to manage remission
 
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/31/2008 2:13 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks all, right now I am feeling so anxious I am feeling sick to my stomach.  That is not like me.  I just can't quit the tears.

Please pray for me...............someone, anyone.  please.

Kitt


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/31/2008 2:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm still praying {{{{Kitt}}}}. Everything will be alright my friend. I'm here for you if there is anything I can do!
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro. . .Sam :)
 
Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum
 
  "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!"
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
 
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)
 
 
 
 


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 12/31/2008 5:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear sweet Skitt you are definetly in my prayers. It just seems sometimes that God has so much faith in our strength that he keeps allowing stuff to occur in our lives. Please know I am praying hard "for you" and "your son". God see's the wrongs in the world and will correct those wrongs, your DIL will have to answer for her wrongs. Remember to tell your son to fight and fight hard. I wish there was something we could do for our kids and to protect them from this type of pain, but we only be there with our advice and love. Hang on my friend, go ahead and cry, but never, never lose hope. We do have an awesome God our on side. I believe that with all my heart.

Hugs & Love to you,
Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners*
Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 12/31/2008 6:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt, the crying is a good thing. You're releasing the stress. I so know how you feel. When my husband and I almost divorced this year I cried buckets. Mostly in the shower so the girls wouldn't see. We went to marriage counseling. We weren't very successful with the counseling, but it was successful with our marriage. Like everyone else, I've been praying for you guys. Everything will turn out. Things always seem to. Keep praying and go for walks. Suggest to your son to begin counseling so he can see this isn't his fault. Take care!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/31/2008 10:24 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you all and I am trying to stay out of it for now and see how my son and his wife handle things.  I do not want to interfere but I am praying and today has been a not so good day.

Thank you All

Kitt


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 1/1/2009 8:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt I too am trying very hard to let my daughter and her husband handle things. As a Mom it is so hard to do sometimes, especially when I hear the horrid and disgusting comments my SIL says to my daughter. I know he really doesn't mean it, but has a hard time controlling his mouth sometimes. He has adult ADHD. No excuse, but I know he is really hurting right now and just striking out in pain. I just wish his Mom would stay out of it. about the time the kids try to reach some type of agreement, she butts in and stirs my son in law up and he gets ugly again.

Just keep praying for him Kitt, God will hear for sure.

Hugs
Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners*
Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/1/2009 8:58 AM (GMT -7)   

Nanners,

Bless you, My DIL is also ADHD.  Now I fear she may be Bipolar and in some sort of manic phase with the irresponsible spending and running around to parties etc.

The one I fear for most is my granddaughter with Aspergers.  She is on at least 5-6 meds and she needs stability in her life.

This is not good but I will hold tight.  I want to call my son today to wish him a Happy New Year. 

I am afraid to hear how it is going and praying it is going better.

Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


ocean1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 707
   Posted 1/1/2009 9:19 AM (GMT -7)   

Kitt,

I'm sending you and your entire family thoughts and you are in my prayers always.  Gentle Huggles to you my friend.  Sending you the strength you need.


Diane
LET US BE GRATEFUL TO PEOPLE WHO MAKE US HAPPY. 
THEY ARE THE CHARMING GARDENERS WHO MAKE OUR SOULS BLOSSOM.

Anxiety 2007; IBS 2004; Chronic Hives 2002.  Medications:  Allegra, Zantac, Xanax, Darvocet.


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 1/1/2009 9:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,

I'm sending out loving thoughts and prayers to help you get through this.

Love,
percycat

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/1/2009 5:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Lil sis
Keeping you ALL in my heart thoughts and prayers for sure

Love always

Big sis
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN

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