I am sorry that your marriage is in dire straights. Hav eyou gone to counseling for you. I feel that would be a good thing to consider as you are not a worthless person and you need help it learning how to deal with your feelings and plans for your future.
One thing that is very important in dealing with the anxiety and depression brought on by divorce is do not be afraid to talk as your feelings do need to come out.
It is natural to feel conflicting emotions at this time after all you were in love at one time with your spouse and so it is natural to feel abandonment, hate, love all at the same time.
You have all of us here to support you so know we care and keep talking to us.
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*