Is this woman crazy, or am I>

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Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 12/31/2008 7:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I take 2.5 mg of klonazapam a day which takes the edge off of my anxiety which is caused by pain. At the end of the day when it wears off I can get wound up and talk a lot if given the oppty.
 
Last week, I had a new friend (of about 1 year) "reject" me for what I think is an odd reason. And it's really brought me down. But maybe I deserved it.
 
two weeks before her laparoscopic gall bladder surgery, without thinking, I started telling her about my then boy friend who years ago had gall bladder surgery which was disastrous because he is extremely tall and had other health problems. It almost took his life. I immediately said I was sorry and shouldn't have told her that, and it was extremely  unusual for it to happen and she shouldn't worry.
 
Her surgery went well and the day before Christmas I wanted to bring her some soup and candy I made. She informed me that I had scared her so badly before surgery, that she didn't want me to come. I asked if this meant she was ending our friendship. I was so shocked that I really don't remember what she said, but the gist was I think that we couldn't.
 
When I said that we're both old enough (she's 75, ten years older than me) to realize that things can go wrong with routine surgeries she said I just didn't understand because I never had surgery (wrong) and hadn't lost people close to me (wrong again) especially around the holidays (wrong again). I didn't know how that was relevant and didn't ask.
 
I sent her a note immediately because she hung up on me (probably because I was so stunned and kept trying to explain my shock and disbelief) and I apologized in the note for causing her such worry but said I was so glad that her surgery went well and wished her health and happiness in the New Year.
 
I'm really beating myself up about this and wondering how I could have told her about my friend. It was a matter of my mouth working faster than my brain.
 
 I feel so fearful that I'll do something like this again. I have no lack of friends but do feel badly about losing her as a friend. It's not like I've never experienced a conflict with a friend before, but nothing that's ruined a friendship.
 
I'm wondering if this is a sign of early senility or a personality flaw that she behaved this way? Or am I the one who's crazy for saying what I did to her.
 
Any advice how to deal with this?
 
 

Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 12/31/2008 7:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello! You don't know how many times I spoke when I shouldn't have. Everyone does it at some time. You sent an apology which she rejected. I guess what you said scared her a lot and now she resents you for it. I can see both sides, but I would have accepted your apology and moved on. I wouldn't beat myself up for it any more. You've discussed it with her and apologized. Maybe she'll come around at some point. If not, well, at least you know you tried to reconcile. Forgive yourself, even if she won't. Carol

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 12/31/2008 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Aries gave you some good advice. You have verbally apologized and sent a note of apology. If she is not a big enough person to accept your apology then just move on. We have all had trips of the tongue, so don't be too hard on yourself. Once again, you have apologized, and now its up to her to accept it or not.

Hugs!
Gail*Nanners*
Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/31/2008 8:47 PM (GMT -7)   

I am sorry this incident happened but I think if you just let things cool off and she has recovered from her surgery you may be able to get together and talk it through and even laugh about it. For now let it go and no beating yourself up over a human misunderstanding.

Often what we are trying to say is not heard by the receiver in the way we meant our comment.

Take care

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Georgie Girl
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 319
   Posted 12/31/2008 9:33 PM (GMT -7)   
As I posted in this forum, I recently said something at work that offended someone.  I apologized twice but it still bothered me and two ladies were giving me the cold shoulder.  It was completely innocent but it didn't come out that way.  Though what I said and what you said are not the same type of thing, I think any one of us can mispeak at times.  I shudder to think of some of the blunders I've made.  No, I don't think your friend is crazy, just tired and still recovering from the shock of surgery to her body.  Give it time, let it alone, and if you don't hear from her in a month, perhaps give her a call to check in.  Good luck.

Georgie Girl


Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 12/31/2008 9:49 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks everyone for your encouraging words. I do tend to obsess about things I feel guilty about and you've helped me to think about being a little easier on myself


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 12/31/2008 11:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Korrisa :)

You have received some great advice! I also think you handled things vary graciously and that you are being to hard on yourself. From how it sounds, she is lucky to have you as a friend :)

Take care and have a Happy New Year!!!
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!
Your Bro. . .Sam :)
 Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum
 "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!"
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice
before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 12/31/2008 11:26 PM (GMT -7)   

neither of you are crazy- your comment in hindsight wasnt the best idea, but you had NO intention of upsetting this woman, whose reaction seems quite severe. dont apologise any more- you have taken the high road and done the best you can. is this typical behaviour from this woman? have you ever known her to be easily upset or angered? i say leave her alone for awhile. let her calm down- she sounds a tad dramatic- you dont deserve to be hung up on, thats just petty.

waste no more time worrying- dont let this hold you back

Maz XX


            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOS, Chronic E.N.T infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, Sinusitis, IBS,  Allergies, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic. Nexium.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie.
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/1/2009 5:18 AM (GMT -7)   
I would stop beating self up over this '
It is all over with and you have written a note phoned ect
YOU have apologised enough IMHO

Everyone says something outta the way occasionally
Neither of you are nuts or crazy.............


Take care hun........LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN


Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 1/3/2009 9:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry to say this is still on my mind. It's over a week but still think of it and expect to hear from her.

When I think back on our "friendship" of a year, I realize there were little red flags, but figured that no one is perfect and I enjoyed her company and she was encouraging toward me as I'm dealing with a a rough time now.

Yet, she's been critical of friends I've spoken about, but she doesn't know them. She's been critical of everyone in her building and seemed kind of nosy about them. She's planned her funeral which will be private graveside with no death announcement. She's criticized my new doctor who's ethnicity is Indian (from India) but grew up here and is educated here. She's lived all over the world and says you can't trust foreign doctors.
 
 
 
 
 
*just wanted to let you know I deleted your double post:)*

Post Edited By Moderator (Nanners) : 1/3/2009 10:41:53 AM (GMT-7)


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 1/3/2009 10:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Maybe she really wasn't such a great friend at all. Maybe you should really look at this relationship and re-evaluate it and see if its really in your best interests to try to rekindle it. Don't let it get you down, as Lyn said you did all you could. Hope today is a better day for you.

Hugs,
Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/3/2009 11:32 AM (GMT -7)   

Korissa

If you have no good, friendship feelings for someone it is better to let them go then to keep on trying.

So my best advice to you would be kick the obessing to the curb and move on with your life as she will with hers.

Good Luck and take care

Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/3/2009 12:53 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with our great mods and family here :) I'm sorry to say that you can't make a person like or even love you. You seem like such a nice person that I am sorry for what you are dealing with, but I think for your own benefit it's time to walk away.

Take care Korissa! It will all work out one way or another :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!  Your Bro. . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
 "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!"
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
~Click on the Ads to help HealingWell.com~
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 1/3/2009 3:54 PM (GMT -7)   
I know I should give it a rest. In fact, the submit button must have gotten activated somehow without my clicking on it and I tried to delete it.

But I'm glad it posted in retrospect. Because I got to hear from all of you again and you are a reasonable, caring bunch of people! Thank you.

I'll be sure to post if I ever hear from her again.

Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/3/2009 4:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Lol, that's good Korissa and I hope you know you are always welcome to post with any anxiety issues :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!  Your Bro. . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
 "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!"
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
~Click on the Ads to help HealingWell.com~
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 1/3/2009 4:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt had it so right when she said to let it go if there are no good friendship feelings. You won't waste time and go through a bunch of awful anxiety.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/3/2009 5:18 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you Aries,  I am the elder of the bunch, I have been through so much of this kind of behavior that I trust my red flags. smhair

Kitt

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