Vent but sticking to it y'all

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freezinginAK
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1052
   Posted 1/1/2009 7:29 PM (GMT -7)   
   I know I don't post a lot on here, but to let you all know that I do read just what is going on with all of you at anytime. Y'all stand in and help just like a family should help, but I'm telling you all now that I'm not going to give you a pity party like it or not.
 
  You want help that's great yeah we will try and give it to you, I'm trying to make a list of the most problematic things that are members as well as are mods have, as we too have this crud of A/P.
 
  I got pass this crud with the help of meds and shear will power, YES I do have other medical problems just look at my sig on the bottom as well as many of you do to. But you are not going to get pass this crud by taking it all on at one time one by one you can do this.
 
  As Johnny Cash puts it (how highs the water daddy, 3 feet high and rising son) I have taken on grizzly bears head on with the intent to kill me and had dropped one 6 feet from me that was wounded (not by me) on a full charge as well as a moose with only a knife with no fear as well as other things in my life head on, and THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO LEARN, LIFE IS HARD, NO IF"S ANDS OR BUTTS. If your family was in danger would you not step up and do anything for them, YES you would put everything aside and not even think twice about it.
 
  OK I'm done venting, I really wish too help but sometimes tough love is the only way!!!!!!!!!!! As I really don't wish to be a hard a**  but I'm going to do just that only when need be
 
   Vent over Cowboy up
   Forum Moderator A/P
 
  Happiness is sitting around a warm campfire with no worries or cares as day turns to night.
 
  Help Healing Well grow as your donations are greatly appreciated @
          www.healingwell.com/donate
  Anxiety/Panic, CFS, CNS damage, MCS, Diabetes type 2, RLS, DDD, CP, Fibro, and still a limbo lander of other things and gettin tested all to time by neruo
 
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/1/2009 9:53 PM (GMT -7)   

Cowboy, I feel the same way as you do, I will comfort and support all who need it but I will attempt to keep the forums on track.
As another reminder, this is intended to be a forum for those living with Anxiety and Panic or have family with A & P. Please respect the intent of this forum. It is also for our recovered members to help us get to where they are and share with us how they beat their A & P.

You will find the members are warm, supportive and wise but we are here to help you with your issues and if you want to kick this nasty A & P to the curb you need to work at it as only you and you alone have the power to change how you see things.

We can give you the tools you need to help you and we are all peers here.  Bless each of you.

Kitt 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 1/1/2009 10:32 PM (GMT -7)   
"Tough love" doesn't cure anxiety disorder. If it were that easy, our significant others, parents, etc., would have cured us by now. I was in search of a support group that understood what I was suffering through. That's how I found this forum. Everyone with this disorder is different. They'll need different things. Some will need advice and others will just want someone to listen. But "tough love" is not the way to go.

Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 1/1/2009 11:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Aries i really do believe there is merit in 'tough love', not to be confused with nastiness or a lack of caring. Its important to encourage people to face their fears and for us to be there for them, but we cant indulge in enabling behaviour or advice. some times people post and the advice they need may not be the advice they want, but thats too bad. we are here to support and uplift each other, and yes, at times we can wallow, but there are members out there, like in real life, who dont necessarily take a mature approach to their personal journey/recovery.
Im all for no nonsense 'call a spade a spade', but this cant be done in a rude, cold or abrupt manner- all advice should be given from a place of kindness and i think thats what Cowboy and Kitt are referring to.
sometimes the most practical advice isnt wrapped up snuggly in a warm way- i think its very important that no matter the advice you give, its always done in a kind, respectful and empathetic manner.
 
Thats my 2 cents- i have been guilty of having a pity party at times, but at the same time, i needed that, and people on this forum were really supportive and understanding (re my physical health being very poor at the moment)-
All the best,
 
Maz XX
 
p.s i understand that people need to vent/wallow/be upset etc and i dont deny them comfort or support, but what i cannot deal with is people who refuse to accept advice and take responibility for their illness, people who make no real effort to help themselves. thats when a bit of 'tough love' is necessary in my opinion. enabling comments and platitudes will not assist in the healing process-


            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOS, Chronic E.N.T infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, Sinusitis, IBS,  Allergies, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic. Nexium.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie.
 
 

Post Edited (Mazfire) : 1/1/2009 11:32:51 PM (GMT-7)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/2/2009 12:36 AM (GMT -7)   

freezinginAK
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1052
   Posted 1/2/2009 8:31 AM (GMT -7)   

  Aries as well as others 

  By no means do I intend to be rude or hard around the edges, and at times yes we all need some pampering to get though the hard times, this will not change here nor with helping others new to A/P to help them to understand what is happening to them.

  But there are times that ppl will just give in and just let it take over them, we are going to try stop this and give y'all the tools to pull though as best we can, but I will not give anyone a pity party that don't wish to help themselves, it's like giving into a child screaming in a store for a toy, only teaching the child that this is ok behavior to get what they want.

   We are not children here and did not get this way overnight, so we have to take things one at a time and reprogram are minds. Right now it's 36 below outside I broke a u-joint on my truck and it's way to cold to even think about starting the diesel truck, sure I can have it towed to a shop for two hundred dollars and then shop time for the repairs plus parts or I can take one or two nuts off at a time warm up and head back out till the job is done all that for a ten dollar part.

  We are not doctors here and cannot make anyone help themselfs if they don't wish to so no pity party on my part is going to happen and I'm not paying 3 hundred bucks to have my truck fixed when I can do it myself

   Cowboy up


   Forum Moderator A/P
 
  Happiness is sitting around a warm campfire with no worries or cares as day turns to night.
 
  Help Healing Well grow as your donations are greatly appreciated @
          www.healingwell.com/donate
  Anxiety/Panic, CFS, CNS damage, MCS, Diabetes type 2, RLS, DDD, CP, Fibro, and still a limbo lander of other things and gettin tested all to time by neruo
 
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/2/2009 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry about the U-joint, do you have an S-joint too.  My father was the best mechanic in his day.................I have been under the hood of some dandy cars.  smhair
 
I agree with you , we are not going to change overnight but our goal is to help people get better. To give them the tools and resources to find ways to help themselves but this is for the better.

Every day members of HealingWell recover their Self-esteem, their self-worth, their dreams, their pride, their dignity and a meaningful life.

This is our hope for each of you.  Stick with us and know your mods support you.  All of us.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/2/2009 9:46 AM (GMT -7)   
I have Been thru enough in the past year plus to curl your hair BUT the fact is I got thru it
PERSEVERENCE...stubborness and out and out anger ..........

I wish you all the best and hope you will ALL learn to fight this anxiety and panic instead of inviting it in and letting it sit for dinner so to speak

LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 1/2/2009 10:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Very good point Lyn!!! We all have to fight the a/p attacks and not just let them hang around and destroy our lives. Each person must fight to conquer their anxiety, and we will be here to help them move forward.

Aries, I think what Cowboy was saying is sometimes we offer support upon support, but some people will not even try to help themselves. We can only do so much as we are not professionals, and sometimes when we think its going to be harmful to others, we will have to use tough love sometimes.
Gail*Nanners*
Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
 
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 1/2/2009 10:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Often it takes years to get to the point of anger with anxiety/panic attacks. Fear and ignorance are the first things to come along. When someone has their first attack and many others after, it is the illness that makes them "give in to it". My point is, people like us don't choose to give in to panic. Only with desensitization and a lot of practice is anyone "cured" of these attacks.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/2/2009 11:02 AM (GMT -7)   
I have had this for well over 30 plus yrs
I still got thru my life had my career in Nursing ( had my own home) but had to sell due to many other health issues)
Had my kids
Lost a hubby and a 6 yr old son
NOT wanting nor needing sympathy here just some background
I have recently gone thru lung surgery
Lost both parents in last couple of yrs
Found out my daughter was doing harm to self
PLENTY more too much to mention but no you do not CHOOSE to give in
BUT you can work on techniques to help you choose your Battles with this Anxiety n Panic

I could NOT give up and curl up in a ball what would that have gotten me ......
Where would that have gotten me
I have a teen who needs me and thinks the sun rises and sets with me so I have to carry on
YES I will admit I do cry and get so ticked off at all that is happening to my body BUT then I wipe my face and go back out with the mask on

Many times lately due to techniques and meds it has not just been a mask
LAUGHTER is also a friend of mine and gets me thru so much ..........

REMEMBER you have anxiety and panic hun
Anxiety and Panic do NOT have you ..........LYN


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 1/2/2009 12:58:31 PM (GMT-7)


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 1/2/2009 11:12 AM (GMT -7)   
So true Lyn, we really do have to fight for ourselves. No one will do it as well as ourselves. I too have lived with a chronic illness for 30+ years, and everyone asks me all the time, how do you do it? Why don't you just go out on disability? Well to me that is giving in, instead of fighting. I will not be defined by my illness, I will overcome it and live on to fight another day. I am blessed with a loving husband, beautiful daughters & grandchildren, ,a great job, and many great friends. I will not let my a/p win or my Crohns. I am so much more than a illness, I am a strong woman who has value, and so do all of you. JMHO

Hugs,
Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners*
Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
 
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*


Jen77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2690
   Posted 1/2/2009 12:43 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm not at the strong point yet myself, but I'm really trying. I admit I've let my anxiety control me this past year. I suffered with it for decades before getting help, and that was decades too long. I've always felt like I've been in a constant battle with my other health issues, but for some reason I let my anxiety take a back seat when it came to really dealing with it. I guess I had the approach of hopefully it would just get better on it's own, or that I could some how "will" it away without help. Just isn't the case.

I agree that we shouldn't enable people to not get help. I had family members do that for years, although their hearts were the right place. They felt I was strong enough to over come it without help. Sometimes it takes being strong to know that you can't handle it on your own.

I had a bad night last night, woke up with a panic attack around 4 am. It was discouraging because I did so well the day before. So today I just have to "pony up" and try again. There is no quick fix here, and it is a battle that we have to be ready to take on. Otherwise it will consume you and define you. No one wants that.
~Jennifer
 
Diagnosed with Crohn's Disease 2/06 after sever GI bleed. Has been suffering since 1998. History of rectal fistula and gallbladder removal. Taking Asacol, Questran, Toprol XL (for high blood pressure).


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/2/2009 1:02 PM (GMT -7)   
VERY well said Jen and thanks for sharing............

PONY UP........I like that


Mrs.Pooh Pooh

I refuse to let these darn disease win as well ...........

I do not say why me .....I say why NOT me ........

Luvs
EEYORE

PPL............TURN on your television just for a few minutes and see all the horrors pain and all that is going on in this world.........sure changes your outlook .........did mine


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 1/2/2009 2:26:55 PM (GMT-7)


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 1/2/2009 1:44 PM (GMT -7)   
We've had this condition for decades. So we know to fight it and not give up. But someone new to this doesn't know that yet. That was my point. I remember like yesterday the terror and I had no clue how to fight this thing.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/2/2009 2:03 PM (GMT -7)   
THats why we have this forum and no one will be hard on any one new to anxiety no one is hard to anyone here

This is and always has been a Family Support,caring sharing and luving
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN


ocean1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 707
   Posted 1/2/2009 2:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree that we are here to support each other in a compassionate and sensitive way and we will all have days where we just need to vent and there will always be "special circumstances" where hugs and prayers and support will be of utmost importance.  There will also be times when "tough love" will be the answer.  We are all here for the same reason, to heal, and in order to do that, we all have to fight our best fight and by coming here we can get the support and advice and tools we need to fight this disease and feel better about ourselves and the world around us.  Each post is unique and we all respond to each post in the best way we can.  If I am on here whining about something and just having a pity party, I would hope someone does come along and tell me to get of my pity pot and take notice of the issue at hand and deal with it head-on.  We are all unique human beings and that is what makes this forum a "FAMILY" and so special.

Diane
LET US BE GRATEFUL TO PEOPLE WHO MAKE US HAPPY. 
THEY ARE THE CHARMING GARDENERS WHO MAKE OUR SOULS BLOSSOM.

Anxiety 2007; IBS 2004; Chronic Hives 2002.  Medications:  Allegra, Zantac, Xanax, Darvocet.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/2/2009 2:30 PM (GMT -7)   

..........VERY well said Dianne and yes

I do agree there are different times that need different types of support answers ect

WE definitely will keep the Family feeling of this forum as always............

Just a few tweaks but on the hole nothing bad

I too have days I HAVE to vent and need support

......Luvs

LYN


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/2/2009 2:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Everybody :)
 
I agree that we need to focus on recovery/coping and not a "pity party".  I have always been here to help anyone that asks me but there is no amount of help in the world that will make a difference unless the induvidual wants to help themselves.  I feel that the occasional vent is fine because we all need it but at the same time there are some people that vent and don't do anything to take care of their own needs, plus don't care enough to help other people out at the same time.  This is a Peer Support Group and our purpose is to give each other a hand when needed.  That requires a mutual understanding of why all of us are here.  The moderators are just people too that have this darn disorder along with other things. . . We are just regular members that have some additional responsibilities to keep HW a safe and descent place to come to for mutual support. 
 
Anyway that is just my "two cents" on how I feel on top of some great advice and opinions!
 
Take care my HW Family :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!  Your Bro. . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
 "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!"
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
~Click on the Ads to help HealingWell.com~
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/2/2009 2:53 PM (GMT -7)   
..........VERY well said my friend

VERY WELL

We all have to support one another
One person cannot just continually be venting and not supporting others its not a rule its just not right ya know

My half cents worth...........LOL
Luvs
All of me's

Love
Big sis
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN

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