Thank you so much Lyn, it certainly helps to have someone understand.
It's been hard to deal with my fiancee; the one positive is that we don't live together, so really only were sexually active about once or twice a month, but I can't keep doing this. I haven't told her--she thinks I'm stressed and worried about these recent skin allergies I have been getting. I love her so much, and feel like I've suffered enough over the last two months.
I'm going for another test next week, which will mark close to 3 months after my "encounter". But I can't keep wondering whether testing will help or not. It's in my head!!
Someone mentioned that hypnosis might be an option, as they can help me with the "negative" thoughts.
Post Edited (Worriedbanker) : 1/2/2009 12:37:15 PM (GMT-7)
Thank you again LYN,
This encounter did indeed occur while we were engaged. We've been engaged for a year, to be married this June.
The guilt has been haunting me, but the fear of losing the best thing in my life, is even worse. I have confided and confessed to my mother, and she believes that I have learned a valuable lesson. I've made it a habit of being self-destructive in the past, but now I know that I can move away from this phase of my life.
Be that as it may, I need to get rid of this anxiety. Why do I think the blood tests are a lie? It feels like I'm arguing whether 2+2 is 4. This emptiness in my heart is insane!
Thank you Jen,
I think that's what I'm afraid of. I'm angry at myself for questioning the results. I've always been a logical and rational person--why can't I believe an accurate blood test? I keep wondering that it's because of the fact that it's an HIV test, which would impact not only myself, but the person I love the most.
Thank you all; I am leaving work now, and I only have the internet here at the office.
I have my FINAL TEST next Friday at 12:30...hopefully a negative and I can MOVE ON!!
I will definitely be in touch; you have blessed me with your kind words, and at least I know that I am not alone. Thank you so much LYN.
All the love I can give,
I took out your addy you had in ( wrote it down first lol) because it is for your own safety that you dont post it in a post ........NON members can get it and spammers as well okay
No error on your part we just have to keep members safe from the spammers and weirdos lol........Much luv n support my friend .........LYN
Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 1/2/2009 2:14:43 PM (GMT-7)
1. We do not dx as we are not professioanals.
2. Hope you have lost your link by now because the next time it is posted I will notify admin. Both AK and I have asked you to remove it.
Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 1/5/2009 3:26:41 PM (GMT-7)
Good morning all,
I'd like to thank everyone for their support and caring; I truly appreciate it. Thanks to Kitt, Bro, Kevin, Jen, and of course Lyn. You have all made me feel like I am NOT ALONE in this.
LYN: I am going in for my test this Friday, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that this anxiety will still be in my head. The logical part of my brain says "I'm okay", but I don't want to believe it. I woke up so sad this morning....
Post Edited (Worriedbanker) : 1/5/2009 8:32:20 AM (GMT-7)
Good Morning. I know Lyn will be along but when you said " I woke up sad" I understood that feeling so well that it brought tears to my eyes.
You have all this anxiety built up and it feels like depression is becoming a problem too.
Would you consider seeing a therapist to help you through this tough time so you can heal your heart and soul? I have been through therapy twice and it was a good thing. Forgive yourself and stay in the moment.
I am here for you and thinking of you with support and caring.
Thank you so much Kitt, it means so much to have your understanding and support.
I love my girlfriend so much that I think a lot of the anxiety is my heart breaking whenever I see or talk to her. How could I have been so stupid to put her at risk? I hate myself for that.
In terms of therapy, I'm going in to Positive Changes hypnosis centre later this week. I tried a convential therapist, but didn't find her helpful at all. My mother thinks I can just "deal with this" on my own, but I'm trying, and it's not getting me anywhere.
Thank you Red09;
Unfortunately, I can't see "confessing" as a viable option. I love her so much, that the thought of losing her would kill me. I think I need to make peace with myself, and forgive myself for my actions, which were wrong.
CBT is an option as well. What has anyone heard about hypnosis? I had a meeting with someone @ Positive Changes and it seems that the hypnosis actually involves a lot of CBT anyway. I figure if people can "forget" about needing a cigarette, then I can "forget" about having negative thoughts.
Thank you for the advice! The OW is definitely out of my life, and has been since the "event" took place.
It kills me inside though.
I just want to drop in to say I am here and supporting you.
Everyone is different with different personalities and individual make ups...................I believe in honesty if it helps but to be honest ( now no one shooot at me) if my hubby told me he cheated on me I would be crushed.................and may even have to leave as I am a very sensitive person and therefore you do what is right for you. This is your life.
Just know we all support you.