I grew up living in filth and if I wanted to go anywhere or do anything, I had to clean the whole house and yard up. My older brother could destroy and leave the mess for me, my abusive father was hardly around except to torment me and leave. My mother has been sick all my life and I feel like I have been raising her forever. All I want in life is a nice clean home, my wonderful loving husband to be happy, my kids to be well behaved and want to keep a clean home, and a few really good friends that I could invite over and cook for. Is that really too much to ask for from life? Apparently so! My husband is depressed, my kids have never been well behaved and would rather live like pigs (LITERALLY) than cleanup. My mother, well, she lives with me, and I am still raising her. My home is in constant chaos, if I get sick, when I get better it is so disgusting that I throw up. I have no friends at all, and don’t have the energy to make any. I would rather die, than live one more day in filth, with people who use me, suck me dry, and then crap all over me. I am sick of it! Sick of it all, I beg and plead with my family, to please HELP ME, and they don’t care, nobody cares. I am in this ALL ALONE, and I am too tired, too tired to do it anymore. It is a sad day when I want to move out of my potentially beautiful home, because it is so nasty. I don’t mean messy, I mean it has flooded, and there is no sheetrock and concrete floors, with dog crap and pee and garbage everywhere. It smells awful and no one will help me. I will get up, exhausted and clean till I can’t stand anymore, and that lasts about 2 days, then it is right back to what it was. How do you make people care? How do you get them to help? I am at the end of my rope, PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!!! I AM BEGGING! I just want it to stop!
Post Edited (Green Grove) : 1/3/2009 12:36:09 PM (GMT-7)
Post Edited (stkitt) : 1/3/2009 1:01:09 PM (GMT-7)
I think Green Grove said it all. My heart goes out to you! Please get some professional help as in counseling. Like Green Grove said, your whole family needs counseling. I hope your husband will agree to it. As to your mother, is there anywhere else she may be able to go? If taking care of your mother is dragging you down and causing you deep depression, then maybe an alternative place is needed for her. Taking care of ill parents or any relative can be very difficult for a person. I have no experience with that, so maybe one of the other members can talk about that.
I wish you the best and please hang in there! P.S. If you have the money, get some construction people in (licensed ones) to help clean up the house.
As a kid my Dad would go though are rooms and if we left anything on the floor or around the house he would pick it up, box it and lock it up for a week at a time then dump it on are beds if we left it out after getting it back he would take us to the dump and have us throw it away and with cloths, we had to do all the washing and folding before we ate. Yes my Dad was hard on us about not cleaning up but I'll be darned if we didn't have a clean house
And I agree with Kitt on this and just start shoveling it out the door
You do not need to feel ashamed- you didnt invite this situation into your life, nor did you create the chaos. im sorry that you are surrounded by insensitive people- i hope that you can get through this and have better days ahead. no one deserves to feel ashamed, sad, depressed by things that are out of their hands.
all the best, stick with us, we are here if you need to talk, or want advice.
Good Morning Ashamed,
How are you doing this morning. Happy Sunday. I am glad to see that everyone of us feels you have no reason to be ashamed................I don't even like to call you by that name in my posts.
Let us know if you need some advice on how to start to take control over your life as we have many ways and there are free online therapies if you cannot afford a therapist.
I was also raised by a wicked stepmother, verbally abusive and grew up with low self esteem so I have had many therapy sessions learning that I can learn to believe in myself.