PLEASE HELP ME TO GO ON

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AshamedandAnonymous
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 1/3/2009 12:00 PM (GMT -7)   

I grew up living in filth and if I wanted to go anywhere or do anything, I had to clean the whole house and yard up. My older brother could destroy and leave the mess for me, my abusive father was hardly around except to torment me and leave. My mother has been sick all my life and I feel like I have been raising her forever. All I want in life is a nice clean home, my wonderful loving husband to be happy, my kids to be well behaved and want to keep a clean home, and a few really good friends that I could invite over and cook for. Is that really too much to ask for from life? Apparently so! My husband is depressed, my kids have never been well behaved and would rather live like pigs (LITERALLY) than cleanup. My mother, well, she lives with me, and I am still raising her. My home is in constant chaos, if I get sick, when I get better it is so disgusting that I throw up. I have no friends at all, and don’t have the energy to make any. I would rather die, than live one more day in filth, with people who use me, suck me dry, and then crap all over me. I am sick of it! Sick of it all, I beg and plead with my family, to please HELP ME, and they don’t care, nobody cares. I am in this ALL ALONE, and I am too tired, too tired to do it anymore. It is a sad day when I want to move out of my potentially beautiful home, because it is so nasty. I don’t mean messy, I mean it has flooded, and there is no sheetrock and concrete floors, with dog crap and pee and garbage everywhere. It smells awful and no one will help me. I will get up, exhausted and clean till I can’t stand anymore, and that lasts about 2 days, then it is right back to what it was. How do you make people care? How do you get them to help? I am at the end of my rope, PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!!! I AM BEGGING! I just want it to stop!


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/3/2009 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey AshamedandAnonymous.

Your story made me cry because parts of it reminds me of my life before I took control. I am so sorry for what you are going through and have been going through your whole life. You asked how can you make people care and get them to help? Unfortunately you can't make a person do anything they don't want to do in this life. That would require respect and some people just have no respect for those around them. As for you children on the other hand, you are going to have to get them into line before they become adults. This might require counseling, non-violent punishment, etc. but your children need to respect their mother! No excuses! Since you are at the end of your rope, I personally feel that counseling would be the best option to start with.

As far as your husband goes, you say he is depressed. Is he otherwise and good and loving man to you? If so, take him to counseling also! And your mother because it seems like she has been through a lot in her life as well. I don't know what else to say to you except to seek some professional help for your entire family because I wish I would have when I was going through this. Make an appointment with you doctor for you and your husband and maybe your pdoc will give you something for your nerves and your man something for his depression.  You have already taken the hardest step by admitting you have a problem and seeking help for it.  Don't feel ashamed about this because none of us are perfect or have perfect lives.

I'm glad you found us here at HW. There is a great bunch of people on here to help you with your recovery from this problem. We are a big family that care about each other and try to give the best advice that we can. You'll be hearing from more of us :) Take care and I just said a prayer for you and your family!


Much Love, Hugs, Peace and Comfort!!!  Your Bro. . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
 "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!"
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
~Click on the Ads to help HealingWell.com~
Not a medical professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle :)

Post Edited (Green Grove) : 1/3/2009 12:36:09 PM (GMT-7)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/3/2009 12:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello and welcome to HealingWell.  It sounds to me like you have not taken any steps that you mentioned to prevent your family and house from becomeing a total disaster ................Can you share with us what you have done to try to correct the problems?
 
I sense that you do not have the knowledge or skills needed to dig out from under all of this and I am truly sorry. We are here to help.
 
IMHO you need professional help to deal with your problems.  Have you ever seen a Psychiatrist to be evaluated for a mental health disorder. I understand you are fighting a whole family of issues but how old are the children? Your hubby would benefit from some therapy too. :-)
 
Assertivenesss training may be in your future and other therapies. I know you have what it takes to get a shovel and carry the trash to the curb.  If you have a beautiful home, then fight for keeping it beautiful.
Never be ashamed, learn to take control of your life.  No one here is judging you.  We are here 24/7 so stick with us.
 
Start thinking about what you can do first to take that babystep toward healing.
 
Gentle Hugs
Kitt
 
 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Post Edited (stkitt) : 1/3/2009 1:01:09 PM (GMT-7)


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 1/3/2009 1:02 PM (GMT -7)   

I think Green Grove said it all. My heart goes out to you! Please get some professional help as in counseling. Like Green Grove said, your whole family needs counseling. I hope your husband will agree to it. As to your mother, is there anywhere else she may be able to go? If taking care of your mother is dragging you down and causing you deep depression, then maybe an alternative place is needed for her. Taking care of ill parents or any relative can be very difficult for a person. I have no experience with that, so maybe one of the other members can talk about that.

I wish you the best and please hang in there! P.S. If you have the money, get some construction people in (licensed ones) to help clean up the house.


freezinginAK
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1052
   Posted 1/3/2009 1:28 PM (GMT -7)   

Ashamed,

  As a kid my Dad would go though are rooms and if we left anything on the floor or around the house he would pick it up, box it and lock it up for a week at a time then dump it on are beds if we left it out after getting it back he would take us to the dump and have us throw it away and with cloths, we had to do all the washing and folding before we ate. Yes my Dad was hard on us about not cleaning up but I'll be darned if we didn't have a clean house

  And I agree with Kitt on this and just start shoveling it out the door

 Cowboy up

 

 
   Forum Moderator A/P
 
  Happiness is sitting around a warm campfire with no worries or cares as day turns to night.
 
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  Anxiety/Panic, CFS, CNS damage, MCS, Diabetes type 2, RLS, DDD, CP, Fibro, and still a limbo lander of other things and gettin tested all to time by neruo
 
 


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 1/4/2009 3:48 AM (GMT -7)   

You do not need to feel ashamed- you didnt invite this situation into your life, nor did you create the chaos. im sorry that you are surrounded by insensitive people- i hope that you can get through this and have better days ahead. no one deserves to feel ashamed, sad, depressed by things that are out of their hands.

all the best, stick with us, we are here if you need to talk, or want advice.

Maz XX


            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOS, Chronic E.N.T infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD, Sinusitis, IBS,  Allergies, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic. Nexium.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie.
 
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/4/2009 8:44 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning Ashamed,

How are you doing this morning.  Happy Sunday.  I am glad to see that everyone of us feels you have no reason to be ashamed................I don't even like to call you by that name in my posts. shakehead

Let us know if you need some advice on how to start to take control over your life as we have many ways and there are free online therapies if you cannot afford a therapist.

I was also raised by a wicked stepmother, verbally abusive and grew up with low self esteem so I have had many therapy sessions learning that I can learn to believe in myself.

Take care

Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


AshamedandAnonymous
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 1/5/2009 12:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for all the kind words of support. My parents and brother are all drug addicts and alcoholics. I was molested for years by an older cousin, and I have always had a chemical and hormonal imbalance my whole life, and dealt with chronic depression. I had been diagnosed years ago with bi polar disorder, but I thought it may be that it was post partem depression.  My husband is wonderful, most days he is the only reason I am glad to be alive. He has supported me and lifted my self esteem. He even taught me not to be a negative person. My mother has always been, and continues to be a VERY negative person, she thrives on bad news. I married my husband at 17, and ever since we have been married, he has taught me to be and think positive. It's just that lately, my mother has become totally dependent on me and when that happens, I feel like everyone is pulling me in different directions, I have been hospitalized with chest pains twice since she moved in. I know she is what caused it. No matter how positive we try to be around her, she ALWAYS complains about EVERYTHING. She is always the victim. Yes, she had a sucky childhood, but so did I, I mean MOVE on. I know that sounds bad, for someone to seem so insensitive, but you can only feel sorry about something for so long, then you either let it kill you, or make you stronger, right? There is no one else to care for her, and she refuses to go to a nursing home. I have had counseling, and am currently on Hormone Replacement (Complete Hysterectomy) and Wellbutrin. I have tried Lithium, Lexapro, Cymbalta, Effexor (I was the Effexorcist!), Zoloft, etc... Nothing has really ever truly helped. The Wellbutrin does help a little, but if I miss a dose, whew, I am a basketcase! As far as my house, I don't know if I mentioned it, but we moved in a month before Katrina, and have been dealing with the damage since. We got some money from the SBA (a 2nd Mortgage), we hired 2 different contractors, at different times. We knew both of them through relatives, they were licensed and all that, they wound up doing a crappy job, never finished, took our money and dissappeared. We can't afford anything, in fact since my husband's car accident a year ago, we are 3 months behind on EV ERYTHING! We can't file bankruptcy becaue we can't afford to, and even if we could, we have to wait until July! It just all seems so hopeless, trying to keep it clean, not being able to work on it, only then to possibly lose it, it is just devastating to think about. Thanks so much fr listening, I'm already starting to feel a little better!

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2279
   Posted 1/5/2009 1:02 PM (GMT -7)   
3A,

I think maybe you need to give your mom an ultimatum. It is ridiculous how she is treating you & saying that she won't move to a nursing facility to help you out. Give her 2-3 months to find her own place or else you will find one for her. I know it's tough to do. My mom tries to guilt me & my sister into a lot of crazy situations too. The only way for it to change is if you make it happen. If she won't take responsibility for herself, tell her that she needs to be somewhere that others can take care of her. Help move her stuff into the nursing home & get the locks changed. She'll probably go on about how you want her out living on the streets, but the reality is that she is literally making you (and perhaps other family members) sick from all her shenanigans.

I do feel for you with all the other stress in your life. I can't even imagine the difficulty of trying to pick up the pieces. I do understand the financial problems. It seems like there is no way out, but slowly but surely I am finding little ways to get a few bucks here, a few bucks there to start making progress. You can call your creditors & mortgage company and demand that they lower payments, interest rate or even write down part of your debt. Explain what happened & that you have no way to pay right now, but hope to in the future. See what they can work out for you. If you have (or get within 12 months) an address for those deadbeat contractors, file a case in small claims court for however much you paid them. Man, I'd be so angry if that happened to me, but you just have to try to turn that anger into something productive b/c otherwise it will just hold you back from your dreams.

Keep thinking those positive thoughts your husband taught you to think all those years. smilewinkgrin
This really will work out sooner or later.

GB,
frances

Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/5/2009 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   
I am just astounded at your story you have shared with us. I do have a few questions. Are you all possibly going to get some government help for your home? Did your mother lose her home also? Is there a free counseling service in your area? And I would hire a pro bono or try to press charges against the contractors if possible.

Maybe you should write up your story and subit it to HGTV, DIY Network or Extreme Home Makeover. . . . Oprah, Ellen, etc. . . I've seen issues similar to yours get so much help from these avenues. Never be {{{ashamed}}} to ask for help when needed. There are many helpful and lovely people out there that care.

I am praying for you and your family :)
Take care and have a wonderful day! . . . Your Bro . . . Sam
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
  "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
Not a professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle.
 

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