extreme confusion???

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kaimelar
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/10/2009 6:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Okay so I'm new I found this site yesterday...
I spent hours and hours reading and reading threads and looked all up and down the site for something similar to what I feel but haven't come across anything....
I feel like I have an anxiety disorder and am soon going to the doctor to get checked out... BUT I don't know if this is a symptom of anxiety or what so PLEASE can ANYONE help and try to explain to me what's going on????
I'M SORRY IT'S SOO LONG BUT I WANT TO TRY AND GET ACROSS WHAT I'M FEELING THE BEST WAY. Please read. =/

I looked for answer through everyone... not really saying I was confused or anything just observing their actions and whatnot.
 
But then it started happening during regular days and on weekends just hanging out with friends.... I'd get so quiet and detached from things going on around me.
It started happening every time I left the house. (from the first time it happened until this point of confused every time I left the house was about a month time to develop) Confusion upon confusion.
I'd go out, get confused, want to go home, finally get home and then be in this weird state of mind for hours and days after I went out.

Home I feel usually safe and 'normal'
But daily I get thoughts of people confusing me and being untrue.... paranoid definitely.

It's been 6 months that this has been going on... I never leave the house of fear that it will happen, maybe go out with friends once every 2 weeks. I don't have a job because I don't think I can function properly at it with this going on. =/
I'm a very private person and I never let other know what's going on with me.....
I let one person know around my birthday in October..he was my bf at the time and I was completely head over heels... anyways I was with him a whole week from my birthday on a Thursday til the next Wednesday... he stayed with me 3 of those nights and I upset the whole time and sooo confused I ended up crying and pouring my thoughts out to him saying "I think I'm going crazy" "Do you think I should tell my mom?" "Would you still love me if I was crazy?" He hardly moved or was hardly even paying attention to me when I said all this... all he said was "You'll be fine, it'll pass, don't worry about, don't tell your mom." I thought..... "wow, some support you are."
Anways the day he left on Wednesday he ended up telling me some things he was gunna get back into and I told him that I couldn't take him doing those things and broke up with him... later to find out he got back with his ex ten minutes after.
THAT^^^^ confused me and hurt me and screwed up my head even worse.
I felt soooo alone cause the ONE person I did tell didn't seem to care or have any advice or was even there for me really.... I didn't wanna tell anyone else again.

But I have CONVINCED myself that the people around me are TRYING to confuse me. They conspire with each other and like 'mark' me cause I don't know. I even told myself that it's a thing about growing up that I yet know and one day will and the confusion will stop and then it will be someone else's 'turn' that doesn't know.

Last week though I told my mom that I want to go to the doctor and I need to go to the doctor cause something is obviously wrong. We're making an appointment for as soon as possible.

After I told I pretty much made myself go out that weekend with someone I hadn't seen in awhile....
We went to the movies and all was great, then after to a park and still I was doing fine with mild confusion we were talking and kissing and yada yada... then he wanted to get food I was hesitant cause I knew others would be around, I got feelings of anxiety and heavy breathing.... I really wanted to go through a drive-thru.... but it was around 10:30pm and InNout's inside was open so he decided we'll just eat inside since it was freeezing.
Anyways as soon as we got in he was looking around suspiciously and at everyone, he even said "I wonder if there's anyone I know here" (he doesn't live where I live and doesn't know that many people around here) I thought he wasn't being serious at the time.
Then we sat down and BOOM confusion flooded my head.
I would hear bit and pieces of people's conversation thinking it has something to do with me.... then I thought he was looking around when we first came in to get the people in InNout to confuse me.... I wanted to leave right away as soon as these thoughts came. but he was eating slow and then I thought he was eating slow on purpose so I'd be here longer in this confusing place.
He then started saying embarrassing things fairly loudly and I thought oh great another way of communicating with the people confusing me... I ended up half way through our meal leaning on both my hands not looking at anyone and making sure no one could see my face.. oh and I always pick out corner spots to sit so nothings behind me and I can see everything that's going on.. etc.
He finally got down eating and we left... ended up going to a parking lot and just sitting in his car for an hour... but then I felt everything he was saying was untrue.
He wanted to kiss me again but then I completely flat out said NO... I felt like he was just using me, put me in that confusing state of mind on purpose to like get in my pants or something...


This is just the tip of the iceberg unfortunately... I think I have depression(I've had problems of being really depressed for 7 years but haven't told anyone really, problems with cutting for 6 years, problems with alcohol etc. but since this confusing thing started I've stopped all of those things completely which is HUGE for me)
Anything can trigger the confusion... the t.v, something someone sends me, my family, friends, random people.... I even feel sometimes that the t.v is talking directly towards me in a way if that makes sense....


ANYWAYS I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!!! UGHHHH
Help??

Thanks in advance if you reply...
*hugs*
=/
cry confused
 
Edit: I remove a large amount of your post as it was outside of our posting rules.
 
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
Thank you for your understanding.
Kitt

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 1/10/2009 7:42:52 AM (GMT-7)


Hibee
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 6499
   Posted 1/10/2009 6:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kaimelar

Welcome to healingwell this is a good forum. Sounds like you are having a rough time of it at the moment and i am glad you are going to see your doctor about these issues you are going through. I can relate to what you are talking about as i have used the same drugs you talk about but cant go into it as we do have rules here and have young members so this is not really the place. It sounds like you do have a lot of anxiety going on at the moment and this can make you feel paranoid of what people are doing around you. Anxiety is not a nice thing to deal with and it can take over your life please do make that doctors appointment and take your mum for support, be truthful when you see him/her and tell them every thing that is going on in your life at the moment it is a big step and scary but you will be pleased you have made that first step to sorting things out. I have had some therapy and found this to be very useful maybe something you could think about.

Take care and keep posting here to tell us how you are getting on.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/10/2009 7:53 AM (GMT -7)   

kaimelar

Good Mornng and Welcome to HealingWell. Your post is very long and a bit hard to follow.  I am sorry you are going through this which may be a Depersonalization disorder.  Remember I am not a professional so I am very happy to hear you have talked to your Mother and you need to get to a physician and find out what is going on. 

It feels to me you would benefit from a good medical screening exam to be sure you have nothing physical going on.

I am wondering if you told your Mom the whole truth, if I was your Mom, I would want the truth and let me worry about how I deal with my feelings.

I edited your post as we have rules and guidelines so please take the time to review them.  :) 

Again welcome to HW and keeep posting.  This will get sorted out if you see a physician. 

Take care

Kitt 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 1/10/2009 8:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Kaimelar,

Welcome! I'm glad you've found us. It's hard to deal with anxiety and concerns about mental health in isolation, and I see that you feel you've had to do that. Having someone else to talk to can be soothing and helpful, and I'm so glad to hear that you've talked to your mother a bit about what's going on. Sharing in a community like the wonderful one here has been a real support for me.

Do be sure to tell your doctor everything you can about what you're experiencing. It may feel a little awkward, but it is his/her job to help you get the proper treatment. Also be sure to ask whatever questions come up, both during your appointment and after. It's okay to call back with questions much later - what's important is that you begin to feel better and find freedom from this persistent confusion.

Good luck to you, and again, welcome!

percycat

Percy/Percycat

Co-Moderator, Anxiety and Panic Forum


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/10/2009 9:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Kaimelar!

Welcome to HealingWell and our great family here :) I don't know what else to say that hasn't been said before me but I would like to reiterate that you definitely need to see your doctor and tell him/her how you are feeling. It would be good also to write down you thoughts and physical symptoms, plus any questions you might have to ask you doc. Things like this are important when you feel multiple problems that could be fixed and help you out :)

Please talk to your mom. Like Kitt said, if one of my kids would not tell me what is going on, it would take a piece of my heart and make me very sad.

Take care and I wish you the best of luck with everything.
Take care and have a wonderful day! . . . Your Bro . . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
  "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
Not a professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle.
 


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 1/11/2009 3:16 AM (GMT -7)   
kaimelar said...



But daily I get thoughts of people confusing me and being untrue.... paranoid definitely.

But I have CONVINCED myself that the people around me are TRYING to confuse me. They conspire with each other and like 'mark' me cause I don't know. I even told myself that it's a thing about growing up that I yet know and one day will and the confusion will stop and then it will be someone else's 'turn' that doesn't know.

Anything can trigger the confusion... the t.v, something someone sends me, my family, friends, random people.... I even feel sometimes that the t.v is talking directly towards me in a way if that makes sense....


 
Edit: I remove a large amount of your post as it was outside of our posting rules.
 
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
Thank you for your understanding.
Kitt
Kaimelar is there any chance your paranoia is related to drug abuse? Good on you for making an appointment to see your doc and get a professional opinion. be sure to tell him/her everything so they can treat you properly- particularly the paranoia, and things like when you feel the tv is talking AT you etc. give them the full picture so they can give you an accurate diagnosis. good luck, keep us posted with what happens.
 
Maz XX
            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOS, Chronic E.N.T and Upper respiratory tract infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD,  IBS, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic. Nexium.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie.
 
 

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