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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 1/10/2009 10:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks to all for writing back.  This is proving to be a great decision for me.  I don't have many people to talk to about this.  My husband is a little bored with listening to me about it.  He is back in school after 26 years, which is a good thing, but I feel a lot of pressure to keep things moving.  He is still working, but also incurring school loans and other bills that go along with going back to school. 
Consequently, I have to stay on this job until I can find something else which is both good income and challenging to me.  I have been looking and taking interviews for awhile now, however with the current climate and where we live, things are slow.
Work is work. I try to just go there daily and get the work done and leave.  I cut my own hours just so that I don't have to spend alot of time there.  There is a partner there that is younger than me and I think she views me as a threat.  She wants to prove that she is the boss and I have no imput any more.  She is also making the sr. boss, the one I have worked for for many years, take her side.  It is very high school and non productive.  Moral is low overall.  The worst part is I cannot stop the tears.  Sometimes she or they will call me in to meet with them and give me grief for something and the tears just come.  I usually try to excuse myself for the rest room before they start, but the last time I could not.  I am so mortified.  I asked my Dr. about meds to just stop the tears, and am now on Zoloft and Wellbutrin, however it has been several months now with the same results.  My self esteem is now almost nill and I feel trapped. Crying now, great.  I am crying while typing this to you.  HELP!  I get myself worked up that I just panic and everything gets blown out of proportion, my mind tells me I am going to lose my job, my house, etc.  We just recently lost our dog of 12 years and I am very anxious and eating everything in sight.  Does this happen to anyone else and how do you handle it?  I think my family thinks I am losing it, I know I do.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/10/2009 10:37 AM (GMT -6)   
Good Morning Kai,
Here is a list of techniques to start to work on and to help you get out of the anxiety and raise you self esteem. yeah
Use feeling-talk. You can express your personal likes and interests spontaneously rather than stating things in neutral terms, You say "I like this soup" or "I love your blouse" rather than "This soup is good," You can use the phrase "I feel" or "I think" when it is appropriate,
Talk about yourself If you do something worthwhile and interesting, you can let your friends know about it, you don't monopolize the conversation, but you can mention your accomplishments when it is appropriate.
Make greeting-talk. You are outgoing and friendly with people you want to know better. You smile brightly and sound pleased to see them, you say,” Well, Hello! How good to see you again" rather than softly mumbling "H'lo" or nodding silently or looking embarrassed.
Accept compliments. You can accept compliments graciously ("Yes, I like this shirt, too") rather than disagreeing with them ("Oh, this old thing?"). You reward rather than punish your complimenter.
Use appropriate facial talk. Your facial expressions and voice inflections convey the same feelings your words are conveying. You can look people directly in the eye when conversing with them.

Disagree mildly. When you disagree with someone, you do not pretend to agree for the sake of keeping the peace. You can convey your disagreement mildly by looking away, or grimacing, or raising eyebrows, or shaking your head, or changing the topic of conversation.

Ask for clarification. If someone gives you garbled directions, instructions, or explanations, you can ask that person to restate them more clearly. Rather than going away confused and feeling dumb, you can say, "Your directions were not clear to me. Would you please go over them again?"

Ask why. When you are asked to do something that does not seem reasonable or enjoyable, you can ask, "Why do you want me to do that?"

Express active disagreement. When you disagree with someone and feel sure of your ground, you can express your disagreement by saying things like "I have a different view of that matter. My opinion is. . ." or "I think your opinion leaves out of consideration the following factors. . ."

Speak up for your rights. You do not let others take advantage of you when you feel put upon; you can say no persistently without feeling guilty. You can demand your rights and ask to be treated with fairness and justice. You can say, "I was next in line," or "Excuse me, but you will have to leave as I have another appointment now," or "Please turn down your radio," or "You're half an hour late for our appointment." You can register your complaints firmly without blowing up.

Be persistent. If you have a legitimate complaint, you can continue to restate it despite resistance from the other party until you get satisfaction. You do not allow one or two no's to cause you to give up.

Avoid justifying every opinion. In discussion, if someone continually argues and asks you why, why, why, you can stop the questioning by refusing to go along, or by reflecting it back to the other person. You can state simply, "That's just the way I feel. Those are my values. I don't have to justify everything I say. If justifying is so important to you, you might try justifying why you're disagreeing with me so much."

Try choosing just a couple of these to start working on.  choose the ones you are most comfortable with and do not worry, this takes practice.  I have tried and done well and tried and failed so keep on working with us and know we care.

Gentle Hugs



Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 1/10/2009 8:15 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Kai,

You are not losing it k? You are experiencing a great deal of stress and upheaval, please don't beat yoursef up about it. Keep looking for a new job and keep that in mind when you get upset and stressed "this is just temporary" "I will not be here forever"...or if you can think of a better mantra go with that.

Try not to let your circumstances overwhelm you. Take it one day at a time. If you look at the big picture, it can sometimes feel like drowning, but if you just look at what you can do for today,things are manageable. Give yourself permission to cry, and if you need to eat a bit of extra food then go for it. Just don't let food become a coping mechanism..or you will feel a mood drop and lethargy..who needs that?

If your hubbie is sick of you talking about anxiety then know you can come here and we will listen. We are family and we take it in turn to vent!!!

I'm very sorry to hear about your Dog.

Hugs, Meg

Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor

Green Grove
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/11/2009 12:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello again Kai :)

Wow. . . what a ton of great advice! I learned a few things myself :)

You are going through so much that I think most everyone would feel the same way you do. I also think you are handling things really well by your writing and you seem like you are more overwhelmed than anything else. Definitely get out of your toxic situation for your own health and sanity, Kai.

You have a great peer support group here that is rooting for you. Take care and sorry for the loss of your dog.
Take care and have a wonderful day! . . . Your Bro . . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
  "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."
~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
Not a professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 1/11/2009 9:02 AM (GMT -6)   
hi kai,

oh, i feel your pain on this one. there is something so draining and self esteem bruising about job situations like these. i've been in similar positions, and no all too well how hard it can be to get through the day when things are like that at work. {{{{{supportive hugs}}}}} for you!

could you maybe take a mental health day off from work? a day to step back and regroup and get your head space cleared up so that you can better deal with the stressors at work? when people start acting like this in the workplace, it is almost 100% about them, not us (this younger partner has the problem here, not you! anyone who tries to knock someone else down to make themselves look better has an issue) but it can be so hard to remember that. maybe taking a day off just for you can help you see that? also, i don't know if this is possible or not, but perhaps you should begin looking for a new job? if the sr. boss is willing to take a new hires side over yours here, than maybe it's time to move on to somewhere where your talents and abilities will be fully appreciated and acknowledged!

hang in there, my friend. and even if your husband has a hard time talking about all of this with you, please remember that we are always here for you, no matter what!!!
love and hugs

this being human is a guest house.
every morning a new arrival-a joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awarenewss comes as an unexpected visitor.
welcome and entertain them all!
even if they're a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,still, treat each guest honorably
he may be clearing you out for some new delight.

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 1/11/2009 7:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Danielle,
I appreciate your thoughts and just listening to me.
I have taken several mental health days.  Actually, they are not too happy that I have taken several Mondays off for this very purpose.  I have taken several Mondays and have made a NY resolution to get to work on time and just do my job.  Keep telling myself this is only temporary.
I am looking for another job.  Resumes have been out for a while and have had some interviews, but with the economic climate, things are moving slowly.  I keep telling myself that something will come up when I least expect it.  I hope that is true.  I don't think my self esteem can get any lower.  Thank God my husband keeps telling me how good I am  and that I am better than they are treating me. 
So thanks again for listening to me.  Have a good week, Kai

Georgie Girl
Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 319
   Posted 1/11/2009 7:22 PM (GMT -6)   
"I have taken several mental health days.  Actually, they are not too happy that I have taken several Mondays off for this very purpose.  I have taken several Mondays and have made a NY "
resolution to get to work on time and just do my job.  Keep telling myself this is only temporary."
How funny - this is my New Years resolution to.  I can barely stand to go into a job I used to love. 

Georgie Girl
Bipolar, Anxiety Disorder, Rheumatoid Arthritis

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