Some of what you're describing seems similar to things other members have posted, and I hope they'll be along soon to offer insight.
You didn't say, but are you seeing a therapist for your anxiety? A lot of us here have found cognitive behavioral therapy to be very helpful. Yes, many times we seek it out because the physical symptoms are just pushing us over the edge. however, I've found that my therapist helps me out a lot in sorting out my thinking, determining where certain ideas are coming from (and I don't mean in a "Tell me about
your childhood" way), and deciding how *I* feel best about
dealing with my thoughts and behaviors.
There was a nice thread a while back about
trying to turn scary or "warpy" thoughts into positives. Also, when you have health anxiety, including mental health anxiety, it seems to only make things worse to go looking up symptoms and conditions on the web. I know that it's really harmful for me personally. I tell myself that I just need to be informed, but what I learn on the web is mostly about
worst-case scenarios, or how what I'm feeling might match a given illness. What's helped me far more is talking with my personal doctor about
why my symptoms *DON'T* match what I'm reading, how the illness I fear would *REALLY* behave, and why I *CAN'T* truly have it. I think web sites by their public nature try to err on the side of telling people every detail of how an illness does behave, and the sites might set themselves up for trouble if they started including "How To Tell That You Don't Have...." Just my personal opinion.
Co-Moderator, Anxiety and Panic Forum